posted
Sometimes I just can't believe how this disease has derailed my life. I often feel like life is not worth living anymore. I've been doing this for over 12 years and with no end in sight, life seems pointless. I'm 32 years old, divorced, in a job I don't like but need because of benefits, lonely, will probably never have children, and cannot lead my life as I want to , because I'm being completely controlled by this disease.
Someone give me something to live for. Please.
Sarah
Posts: 588 | From Wallingford, CT USA | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Have been treated for coinfxs. Do have family/friends but don't want to burden them with this broken record of a story of mine.
Posts: 588 | From Wallingford, CT USA | Registered: Sep 2003
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I hate this disease, it has destroyed my life, I sit here today and wonder why I am still here, I have been treating for around 4 years and just starting treating bart with rifampin and zith, I have severe yeast, and can't seem to stay on any diet. I have vitamin defiecencies and have become allergic to supplements, on top of all this I am having severe aniexty about taking anything new or eating anything, I hope you getwell but I don't think there is any hope for me.
Posts: 200 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2007
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Sammi
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 110
posted
Sarah, I sent you a PM.
Posts: 4682 | Registered: Oct 2000
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Sarah,
What Kind of tx are you on? I REALLY turned the corner after yrs of failed tx when I started taking antiparasitics. I am so sorry you are so depressed, but give this some thought. It saved my life when I had no hope. PLEASE don't give up.
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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"I still have Mt.Everest to climb, but I have traveled across the world and arrived at the mountain". Posts: 633 | From baltimore | Registered: Mar 2010
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Sarah, I got goose bumps when I read your post...I just felt so sad I wanted to reach in and hug you.
Do you have an integrative LLMD? There are different aspects of lyme that need to be treated otherwise it's like washing half of your body everyday and leaving the otherside dirty. There is hope always there is hope. The human spirit is strong - we do have days that feel- FEEL like we can't deal with it. It takes courage to share what you have just shared.
Not wanting to bother friends or family is you judging yourself for not feeling well. Don't be so hard on yourself. I just went thru a similiar thing - and I realized that not everybody is going to understand completely and maybe that is okay. I realized that I can and should reach out to others- otherwise they may think I don't care about them - and then what? no one wins.
We can loose a little pride to gain some love, after all love is much more than pride.
I also rescued a little dog from the ASPCA- because many dogs were going to be put to sleep they would not have a choice. Even though I had no energy and money is tight- I did it anyway- and guess what ? He turned out to be a healing force for me- he always is ready to love me. I named him Butters
WE all need you and love you- call a family member go for ice cream or a walk in the park and take your camera. Let us know how the pictures came out.
Posts: 29 | From arizona | Registered: May 2010
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Great idea on the dog! Remember...a dog is a man's best friend...always.. and unconditionally!
-------------------- ? date of bite/no rash 10/09 symptoms, 4/10 diagnosed, after 6 mos. ER visits, tons of docs/tests CDC+ 23/39/41/45/58/66/93 currently on oral plaquenil, doryx, rifampin, pyrazinamide, nystatin, numerous supplements Posts: 718 | From Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2010
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I feel the same way. The only thing that helps me is to try to help others when I can, and to find things that create pleasure, even if it is short lived. Schedule things that you like to do. Try something new. This is definitely an endurance contest and we have to pace ourselves.
Posts: 8430 | From Not available | Registered: Oct 2000
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thanks so much for all of your kind words....today is better than yesterday, so thats a plus....
Posts: 588 | From Wallingford, CT USA | Registered: Sep 2003
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And...SO glad that you had a better day today! Brighter days are ahead!
-------------------- ? date of bite/no rash 10/09 symptoms, 4/10 diagnosed, after 6 mos. ER visits, tons of docs/tests CDC+ 23/39/41/45/58/66/93 currently on oral plaquenil, doryx, rifampin, pyrazinamide, nystatin, numerous supplements Posts: 718 | From Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2010
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Remember that besides the emotional burden we have of dealing with being sick, and mistreated by the medical profession, the disease itself uses the tactic of trying to trick you into give up, so you'll stop fighting it. Feeling so down can be a physical symptom, not only a mental one.
Don't let it win--when it tries that, keep fighting back as hard as you can.
Start imagining the things you are going to do when you're well, and find something nice and happy to do for yourself now.
Good luck to you.
-------------------- Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!
Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009. Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010
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i'm so sorry you feel this way sarah i'm 22, but i've only been sick for 7 years... the thought of feeling like this for 12 gives me nightmares, so my heart goes out to you! i can totally relate to how you're feeling though, because i've definitely felt the same from time to time.
i agree with the person who suggested getting a dog. i've adopted 3 dogs, and they add so much joy to my life. they will just lay in bed and comfort me when i'm too sick to get up. they totally fill my void for children for now. i would be completely lost without them!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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just said a prayer for you for comfort and strength for today.
Also you find a blessing and a reason to live so that you can be a blessing to others.
-------------------- Bart Henslea 1976 Fibro/CFS/arthritis 2004 Lyme diagnosed 2007 3 1/2 years treatment with oral combos, Cowden, IV roc. BW herbs. Off all abx in 12/10. Feeling good. Posts: 647 | From NY | Registered: Dec 2007
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I know how you feel, and it's hard. I went years not knowing why I was derailed, and had to adapt.
Ways I have dealt with the feeling of derailment: think about what it is I'd like to be doing or involved with, and then figure out a smaller, less taxing way to access that interest and do it.
You can make a list of your interests and consider how to dip your toe in them again.
Figure out how I can help someone else. We can contribute - just have to figure out how.
Getting involved again in various small ways can take your mind off of your troubles and start to bring some pleasure back.
At one point I participated in an ACPA support group - American Chronic Pain Association. We all were in a similar boat and I got to witness everyone's attempts to restore some quality of life.
So I tried applying the above philosophy, and found that my connection to things grew, and some of my involvements actually expanded.
And keep working on finding treatment that will help you feel better.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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