as much as i love going to church, it's really difficult for me emotionally...
i always leave feeling guilty, or like people are judging me for being sick.
i would love to keep my illness a secret, but i'm forced to mention it in order to explain certain things to people, like why i don't work... why i don't drive... why i am gritting my teeth in pain trying not to scream... why i haven't been to church lately, ect... my health affects every aspect of my life as i'm sure you all understand, so it's just not possible to hide it.
i know i need prayer, but at the same time, it can make me feel horrible!
last sunday i was excited to be starting a new medication. a medication that i could only afford through a miracle that happened. i shared my news with a woman, and she asked to pray for me. she is a nice, caring, and sincere woman, but her prayer really hurt me. she basically prayed that i would realize that God was the ultimate healer and that i wouldn't put my faith into medicine.
God HAS healed me in the past, and i believe he will do it again, but i don't think there's anything wrong with taking medicine to help endure this illness in the meantime! i am sure the same church goers with this attitude take medicine when they have colds that only last a few days, yet i am expected to sufferer for years until God heals me?!
another woman also prayed for me and assured me "God has forgiven you of your sins!" ... as if my sickness is some sort of punishment. um, i KNOW God has forgiven me of my sins!
and i HATE when people ask me if i am feeling better, because i'm not, and it just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, or that my faith just isn't strong enough.
i have MAJOR self-esteem issues, so it's really hard for me to open up to people... and having this illness is causing me even more shame!
people notice this shame... but i'm pretty sure they think i am like this because i feel guilty and have done horrible things or something, because they keep telling me that there's no sin God won't forgive me of.
i do NOT feel this shame because of anything i've done. i do not feel like a horrible person. i don't have any dark secrets. i've always had strong morals and convictions that i've lived by and i've always strived to live a life that is pleasing to God.
i just have MAJOR social anxiety... and i simply feel stupid, embarrassed, and annoying all the time. i feel like nobody likes me, and when i am friendly to them, i feel like they are judging me and can't wait to get away from me.
everytime i step out of my comfort zone and talk to someone, i end up obsessing for days about how dumb i must have sounded to them, and i cry and just feel like an idiot. and then i basically never want to talk to the person again because i feel like such a loser.
to top it all off, i also have major issues with my appearance, and i always have, even before i had health problems. but being sick has really taken it's toll on me, and i have lots of visible symptoms that are noticable to others. i look worse than ever now. i try not to dwell on it, because i know there are much bigger problems in life... but i just feel so repulsive.
i basically live in constant shame, of my personality AND my outward appearance.
so going to church, already feeling this uncontrollable shame, and then feeling judged for being sick and taking medicine, and having people think i'm living in darkness... ugh, it's just so awful/humiliating!
i don't know how to handle it! i really just want to shut myself off from everyone, but i know it's not realistic, and i need to be in church. i WANT to be in church... i just don't want to talk to anyone because of how stupid it makes me feel
does anyone else struggle with this problem? do you feel judged in church? have you had any experiences like this?
sorry to go on and on... all replies appreciated!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6628
posted
Interesting, I had exactly the same experience. My solution came through denying my faith. I stopped attending Church, and I began to focus on strengthening my mind with my own resources.
I no longer believe in God at this point. I believe I'm in this and it'll be up to me to find a solution. No one else appears to be able to help me. I've done all the available therapies. I know I have the disease based on concrete objective evidence. What I don't know is how to kill a persistent infection completely. So, how will I find that out? Well, first I list all the things the infection does to survive the treatments that we know are intended to kill them. Systematically, I will find a mechanical solution or pharmacological one. Often there are medications available that will perform a certain action indirectly other than what it was intended for. This "accidental" discovery often changes the entire way some medical conditions are cured or found to be significantly helpful.
I'm reading medical books like crazy. I'm studying all the specialities of Neuroanatomy, Pathology, Bacteriology, -- you name it, and I plan to hit upon it.
I even managed to get the local library to help me find a book that I can't afford online. The book is called: Borrelia: Molecular Biology, Host Interaction and Pathogenesis [Hardcover]
The damn book is 310 dollars, I kid you not. Look it up on Amazon. It was released March of 2010. Most people don't even know it exists, including the physicians. The library told me it'll be extremely tough but she knows how much I want to get my hands on it and she'll try to find a college or university who may be willing to do an Intralibrary Transfer. The book isn't even available in my state. That goes to show how much work is involved.
I'd just buy it if no one else would help. Can't afford some things, but I'd rather be in debt and find recover my health than be in the black and suffering.
Anyway, I'm offtopic here somewhat. I do understand exactly what you're going through. The way I dealt with my situation is not possible for many others. Our abilities to think and cope and just overall emotionally and mentally interact with the world are skewed because of the neurological aspect of the disease. Counseling does help me. I find that for me practical counseling works best. I need two things: An opportunity to vent anger, confusion, doubt, fear, and sadness. I also need ideas to find away to keep myself focused on what it will take to attempt to find the solution. Getting those emotions and thoughts expressed with a counselor frees me to move past them temporarily to do the work. By the following week or (bi-week), I'm ready to release the built up tension again.
While I am doing many treatments right now that are cutting edge, I'm never expecting a positive result. Expectations only lead to disappointment. To achieve success, making the attempt over and over trying different ideas is the way I'll reach my goal, but I can't do that if all my motivation is drained by single results that aren't what I'm aiming for. Disappointment can lead to even more depression than I already experience from the biological implications of the infection in my brain. I can't afford any situational depression to detour me.
I likely will return to Church one day, if only because I really liked it. I don't have to believe in God or anything to follow the tenets of wisdom and ongoing forgiveness that is crucial to my freedom. I could attend any location where people gather to share wisdom -- whether Christian, or Buddhism, or Hindu. I'm already established at this other place. I know very good people there who don't judge me. Those are the ones I would stick with. They know that my path is my own and that it's not their business. When they pray for me I tell them what to pray for with me. I tell them don't try to alleviate my sin -- I have none of my own doing and I will not be responsible for those, but I will appreciate the strength I gain from simply repeating the phrases and the support I gain from another willing to stand there and give part of their energy to me -- to demonstrate I am still human and not merely a cognitive machine attempting the impossible. I still need love, kindness, and human touch and inspiration. These people have their own ways of achieving those things, and I don't care how they do it -- but their energy "is" real when transferred to me, and I'll take it!
Bottom Line: I don't even need God to forgive me. At night I forgive myself literally by saying "I forgive myself for mistakes I've made today. I'll try again tomorrow." Half the time I don't even know what mistakes I made. Half of the time I made none.
As far as taking medication, I really don't care whether faith, magical fairies, God, or science alleviate symptoms and produce the results I want. Everything we do is based on illusions and assumptions we make in our lives,whether we're scientists, atheists, Christians, or what have you. The truth is, those who use their illusions to achieve goals they aim for in this world are those who succeed in the end, believing or knowing cognitively that doing XYZ is more probable to help me reach the solution is what I need.
I use statistics and the theory that our reality permits us to often achieve things that seemed impossible scientifically in order to justify making the attempts rather than not.
Don't give up your hope for the "big" picture. I just don't hope in any one specific thing. All is not lost, not yet.
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
posted
Choose another church. This one doesn't seem to fit your own theology
No one has ever judged me at my church. They just prayed for me .. and it worked!
Maybe later I could find the Bible verses that would show you how God feels about illness. Your church members must be interpreting some of those on their own!
posted
Jesus had compassion for sick people, and did what He could to heal them--even the ones like lepers who everybody else feared and gave up on. There are no accounts of any ill person that He shunned or condemned.
Mother Teresa spent her life caring for sick and dying people without judgment.
Albert Schweitzer learned the practice of medicine so that he could go to Africa and start a hospital where it was most needed.
You have a bacteria, through no fault of your own. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of.
You deserve compassion, not shame and guilt and judgment.
Perhaps another church would be better at welcoming people and treating them in a Christian manner with compassion and acceptance.
For those who believe in God, He made this whole big universe, including the laws of science, the bacteria, the chemicals that form part of antibiotics, the human capacity for rational thought, and our free will to make good and bad choices.
A lot of people suffer random things that they don't deserve. And there is nothing wrong with trying to alleviate your own and others' suffering through any effective means, including medicine.
I don't think that God gave us brains and talents for us to waste them.
If your church doesn't offer you comfort and make you feel closer to God, then it isn't the right church for you.
-------------------- Don't forget to laugh! And when you're going through hell, keep going!
Bitten 5/25/2009 in Perry County, Indiana. Diagnosed by LLMD 12/2/2009. Posts: 756 | From Inside the tunnel | Registered: Jan 2010
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posted
There was a flood in a town. A woman climbed on top of her roof to escape it. A neighbor went by in a canoe and said to get in and he'd take her to safety. She said, "No, God will save me."
The fire dept. went by in a motor boat and told her to get in. She said, "No, God will save me."
Then a helicopter dropped her a ladder. She said, "No, God will save me."
When she died she asked Jesus, "Why didn't you save me?"
He answered, "I sent a canoe, a motor boat, and a helicopter, what more did you want?"
I think you're at the wrong church if they don't understand that 1) taking medicine is not denying your faith, and 2) that your suffering is a punishment for YOUR sin. Remember, Jesus suffered and he never sinned.
We cannot imitate Jesus perfectly in his virtue, though it's good to try, but we can imitate him by suffering along side of him. Look to the crucifix and know you are not alone. Find a new church, one who is supportive and who sees the virtue in giving you practical help and support through your suffering.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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Tricky Tickey
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 26546
posted
I relate completely to what you are saying here. I have felt the exact same way, somehow feeling a sense of guilt (laid on me by others) for going forth & boldly looking for answers on my own. I just got one of those 'reminders' today in a message from a good friend. Now, I could have taken it in the defeated sense, with inward guilt for nothing, like she was telling me I better give it to God first, since she assumed I had not. Instead, I made a choice to take it in the way I answered:
"I'm glad to hear from you. I need all the support I can get right now. You know, giving it to God first is always the first thing to do. When I first found out it was in my blood, I thought & said, "Ok it's already out of my hands cause I can't fix it." There's no way on God's green earth we can do it, fix it, for sure. So that scripture verse I used when I was facing my fear of heights, Isaiah 41:10 pops up. "Do not fear, I am with you; I am your God....." It's my trademark since 2004. I"m gonna type up Psalms 91 or download it to carry with me in my purse. That way it'll always be close to me at all times. In the meantime, like I said, I refuse to sit back & die from anything. I accept the diagnosis but I don't receive it."
And that was my answer. So you see, those who speak what they think are uplifting, spiritual, picker-uppers end up being shaming, blaming, shake-a-finger-in-your-face 'correction'. Like the Pharisees, in a way. They mean well, but mis the encouragement aspect because they are too busy trying to spiritually instruct you with their 'spiritual yardstick of correction'. WE don't need that. We dont' need correction. It's okay to remind us that God is the true healer. But not in a lecturing manner. A good way to reply may be: "Gosh, isn't it wonderful that God supplies ALL our need? And even better, he gives us the strength to get in action?"
I know how you feel. You've been spiritually beat down. Maybe if you said, 'You know, I really need to be uplifted today. It's difficult dealing with this illness...." Perhaps somebody witll the the message.
I hope you find a church where you will recieve the healing in your spirit that you need. I'm standing by you on this. You are a worthwhile person.
-------------------- Early Disseminated LD- 2010. Currently doing acupuncture and yoga. Negative Igenex (IND & Pos Bands) ISSUES AFTER: Tendonitis, letter reversal, Low immune system. PREVENTION:SaltC,Iodine,Humaworm, Chiropractic. Posts: 1013 | From In a van down by the river. | Registered: Jun 2010
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Dekrator48
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18239
posted
kellephant,
I also encourage you to find a church where you feel comfortable and accepted.
Illness can be so hard on us in many ways.
Offer all of your suffering to Jesus in His name because he suffered so much for us so that we may have forgiveness of sins and eternal life in Heaven.
God knows all of your suffering. He understands and loves you no matter what. He is the ultimate acceptor (not sure that's a word..lol).
We all feel weak and vulnerable at times. I have gained confidence with practice.
I also found that I was always more anxious if I was concentrating on what I was feeling instead of concentrating on what was going on around me, trying to enjoy it and learn from it.
ie: Years back, when sitting in church, sometimes my heart used to pound and I'd start to breathe fast as I thought about my insecurities.
I learned to not think about me at church. If I focused on God and listening to the readings and the sermon and what I could learn from it, I no longer had symptoms of anxiety in church.
I had to redirect my focus and I really improved.
You do not owe explanations to anyone at church.
Perhaps think of some kind, but brief and general responses, that you can give when people ask questions.
ie: "I won't bore you with the details but thank you for your concern."
We can't really change other people so much, so you can only change your environment and your response to it.
God knows that you believe in Him and that you want to go to church.
Pray for guidance in finding the right place with accepting people....they are out there.
It's kind of like a bad marriage sometimes.....you didn't know that someone could treat you so well the second time around because all you knew was how bad the first spouse treated you.
Have you checked out daisyrlb's weekly "God Thought" thread? Perhaps you have...my memory isn't so good.
It's very encouraging and we would love to see you there.
This scripture was posted on daisy's thread recently by Lymetoo:
Psalm 145:14
"The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down."
-------------------- The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11 Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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MDW005
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 22706
posted
Dekrator... well said! I go to church now 4th Sunday in a row now.
I was fearful of people looking at the new face. I still sit at the first seat by the aisle. just incase I need to run. LOL
It scares me when people come up to me for small chat. It's ok. I don't need to worry about the small stuff and what i am wearing. I was naked when I was born.
Keelephant... please don't feel guilty or feel like you are being judged. You are there for your God. and he will help you. Im new at this, and I am the last person that would judge. Come over to daisys "God Thought" and we will support you. Diane
-------------------- God's promises mean you always have something wonderful to look forward to. Posts: 2150 | From Georgia | Registered: Oct 2009
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
Forgive me for not reading all the above.
I believe that God heals through medicine or without it if he chooses. I believe that God can heal me through my LLMD. I think he gives gifts to ppl.....healing for one example. God can heal, but he gave you a mind to use to find that healer that he gave the gift to.
I have never felt judged at my church. And even though it is church, it is no ones business why you don't or can't work or if and when you attend church. You don't owe these people an explanation. And they shouldn't ask for one.
I did stop going to church myself because for one I just felt too ill to get up and go; and 2nd I did have tons of social anxiety after becoming ill.
Also for a while I felt like God was ignoring me. This may be illogical thinking, but sometimes it just feels like God isn't listening to me; or maybe its just that He has a reason for me to suffer. I try to just trust in His plan for me and of course at times I question Him. We are only human!
I still have a relationship with God. And I know that at some point I will be ready to go back to church. I don't care what anyone there thinks about me. We are all sinners equally. God is the only one you have to answer to.
I don't think anything that you have mentioned is at all out the ordinary for someone suffering with a chronic illness. Being chronically ill effects us mentally. We feel shame, guilt and low self esteem because of the way we think others perceive us. We just have to learn not to be concerned with what others think.
Everyone has their cross to bear at some point in their lives. They will at some point be ill, get divorced, suffer a great loss, have financial difficulties, get fired, have their child get arrested, etc. No one gets by without something hard hitting them.
We are all God's children and no one is better than the other. And its sad when ppl in church think they are. Ignore those kind.... in church or outside of church.
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
i will read and reply more later... so far i've just skimmed...
i just want to say that i definitely don't need to find another church. people, even christians, aren't perfect... and there's going to be some people like this at EVERY church. the experiences i'm speaking of have came from multiple churches.
i get A LOT out of the sermons at the church i attend now, and i know this is the church where God wants me to be. i'm not going to let hurt feelings steal the experience from me.
also, i do think that some of this is MY fault... i KNOW i am overly sensitive and take things too personally. i am already paranoid that i am being judged and that people don't like me to begin with, so when someone prays for me i just thank them and tell them i appreciate the support!
i try to remember that as long as someone means well, and is TRYING to help me, if their intentions are good... then to just let it go.
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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personally, i could NEVER doubt God's existence. he's answered too many of my prayers, and even healed me instantly once from years of suffering! he is VERY real to me and he always will be no matter what i go through in life. i know he will always be by my side to help me through it, and when i keep faith he DOES show up just when it seems like i am at the end of my rope.
i think it's super amazing that you are able to read and understand those books! i have such a hard time reading anymore... and understanding anything with complicated words is out of the question for me now. it's just too hard for me to focus, so kuddos to you!
i used to go to counselling in missouri, and i loved it. it helped me with my anxiety lot. i moved 33 hours away for 2 years though, and i've recently moved back to the area. just yesterday i tried to make an appointment with my old counsellor, but it turns out he had JUST quit. i don't feel comfortable staring over with someone new again.
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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it is impossible to find a church where every single person believes and interprets every single thing perfectly. as long as i am growing from the sermons, and the pastor's heart is in the right place, i feel it is pointless for me to hop around. people are going to be wrong sometimes whether they are in church or in the grocery store... because bottom line -they are people!
IIIIII know God isn't punishing me and how he feels. i believe that his promise ARE ours, but we have to remain faithful and seek him out... and THAT is when he answers. i don't believe that he gave me lyme, but i do believe that he is using it strengthen my faith, and it is working
anyway, i am glad you have found so much support at your church Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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thank you for those words... those are all valid points
i have no doubt that this IS the church for me. most people TRY to be supportive... i think many of them just don't know how to be...
my very own FRIENDS let me down... they often make me feel worse in their attempts to uplift me.
until those around me have a chronic illness it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to understand... i try to remember that!
it hurts sometimes... but i just have to get over it and realize they MEANT well.
the same reasoning/attitude applies in church
i think i just struggle more in church because there is soooo many people... and my social anxiety is out of control!
i am the type of person who turns the radio completely down at red lights because i don't want to draw ANY attention to myself. i have all kinds of strange behaviors i use to avoid being noticed....
i could walk into the nicest, warmest, welcoming, and loving church in the ENTIRE world and still feel terrified, disliked, embarrassed, and inferior!
i have got to find a way to kick this social anxiety, but i've lived with it for so long, and no matter how many times i step out of my comfort zone, it doesn't get better... in fact, it gets worse!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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that is exactly how i have been trying to handle it myself...
sometimes i just give up though and don't really respond in person because i already feel akward to begin with... but i can't expect people to understand how i feel if i don't try to explain myself!
when people say these things to me, and i just nod my head, then of course they are going to assume their perception is correct and they aren't going to get where i'm coming from!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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see, this just proves that i am far too sensitve, because i could easily take offense to what you wrote, even though you were trying to make me feel better...
i immeditately interpret responses like yours as "you are selfish, and social anxiety comes from being more into yourself than anything else... you should be thinking about God instead"
believe me, i would love anything more to not think about myself... it is a living nightmare i deal with no matter where i go and what i am doing.
one girl once told me "i don't struggle with social anxiety like you, because i care more about other people's problems than my own!"
honestly, i am one of the most empathetic people i know... but no matter how much i care for others, it's not going to stop me from freaking out when i go into public...
for example... lets say if i go through the line at subway/chipotle to create my meal (which i would never do, because it makes me so nervous) and i am thinking about a friend with cancer, although my heart breaks for her, it is not going to stop my heart from racing and keep me from feeling like a complete idiot.
then it causes me even more anxiety when i think that people are percieving me as selfish because i get so nervous.
i know this is not what you meant by your comments... but that is exactly how my mind spins things... and it just proves that i need serious help, and that i'm going to have these issues everywhere, and not just in church!!!
Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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so your social anxiety got worse after you got ill?
that is interesting... it is hard for me to know if mine is from illness, because my health problems started in my ealy teen years, but come think of it... i was pretty confident and outgoing before then!
i did grow up in a house where i was screamed at every single day, and a few times i actually believed me dad might kill me in one of his many rages. i always assumed that's why i am such a nervous person...
it's interesting that i never had this issue until i was older though. something to consider for sure!
(and i have to add that my dad is MUCH better now. he has overcome a lot and i am proud of him!)
anyway, i can relate to you a lot. it is human to feel ignored by God sometimes and just give up! i have done so myself several times, but just like you said, the key is to get right back up, trust him, and i can whole heartedly tell you that THAT is when he shows up and rescues me!
it makes me think of the gentile woman in the Bible who came to Jesus begging him to free her demon possessed dauighter... and he DID ignore her (or so it seemed) but she continued to cry out to him for help, and because she kept faith and did not give up, her request was granted!
anyway, i agree with EVERYTHING you wrote Posts: 220 | From Kansas | Registered: Mar 2010
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
Kell, I had to quit my job due to this illness and I felt guilty, and my self esteem suffered. I felt vulnerable feeling like my entire life was out of control. That led to social anxiety and anxiety in general.
Being chronically ill is so stressful and we are only human. Its a struggle to keep the faith sometimes; but it's in times like these when you feel at the end of your rope that God shows up and picks you back up.
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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I think I have a great book for you. Hang in there - you truly are a beautiful person. I had some bad experiences in church too so I'm not judging you or others.
I'll pm you later.
Keep the faith!! dj
-------------------- I am not a doctor and am only expressing my opinions...please do not take this as medical advice. Posts: 44 | From US | Registered: Jun 2009
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posted
I have had people actually outright say both of those things to me (church people)...that my illness was a punishment from God and have been told that God would heal me without meds.
My take on it is "Yeah, he CAN heal me without meds, but so far he hasn't chosen too..."
And also I found a new church and/or set of people that I associate with. I love the church that I am at now.
Of course I've also learned not to share much about my lyme or meds unless I know someone really well. My support group is smaller, but my stress is less!
I'm so sorry you've been having to deal with this on top of being sick. Not all christians or people who go to church are compassionate and understanding
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Yikes! That situation would be very hard for me to bear.
If you want to stay at this church, I would just try to not bring up your illness to people you don't know very well. You don't owe anyone a reason for why you weren't there the previous week, etc. You don't owe people an explanation for anything.
I just tell people, "I couldn't make it." I try to keep explanations short, so I don't need to listen to their opinions on my illness.
Maybe that tactic will work for you. I just try to leave my illness out of things any time I can, even if it becomes more difficult to explain things without bringing up the illness. I have found that doing that makes things much easier on ME, which is important.
When you get really close to someone and they know you well, you can explain more about your life to them. We don't owe people insight into our personal lives.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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I am a church goer. The school I also go to is A church school. I have experienced exactly what you're going through. I attend Brigham Young University Idaho.
I was angry when I got sick. I blamed it on God.
I realized that Heavenly Father NEVER gives us more we can handle. We are faced with trials, such as these, to strengthen us and grow into the person He wants us to be.
At first, I did not see it that way. I was in anger, sadness, and thought it was unfair. I was athletic, out going, and now I cannot clog anymore.
Heavenly Father knows what you're going through. Sometimes things in life do not go the way we want them.
The reason why Heavenly Father gave You and I and others this disease is because you knew YOU AND I could handle it unlike other people, and that he knew we could BLESS others because of this disease.
By being sick, it has taught me to be more excepting of others. It has taught me to be more compassionate. This disease has Helped me see things in a new perspective then I would have if I never had this disease.
This illness will end up being a blessing. You will look back one day, and thank God for that trial because it made you who you are today.
Jesus Christ Never said it would be easy, but he did say it would be Worth it
All endings are also beginnings, we just do not know it at the time.
-------------------- Stephanie, University Student.
Ehrlichia [POSITIVE] IGG/IGM AB [H] 1.49 indexLyme AB interp. EIA [A] POSITIVE IGG P93 AB [PRESENT] IGG P41 AB [PRESENT] IGM P41 AB [PRESENT] IGM P23 AB [PRESENT] Lyme IGM WB interp. [A] [PRESENT] Posts: 145 | From Idaho | Registered: Feb 2010
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Dekrator48
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 18239
posted
kellephant,
You have good insight into your own feelings.
I am glad you are able to see that no offense was intended.
Some people would not be able to sort out what was being said vs what you may interpret.
I think that ability will be very helpful in your journey.
Wishing you a peaceful day in the Lord.
-------------------- The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11 Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
After being voted onto the Church council many, many years ago,
I have mostly avoided organized church services.
I used to love to go to church.
I was a Sunday School Teacher for many years.
I used to think how wonderful it was to be surrounded by others'
Who felt and practiced the same spirituality that I did.
I learned really fast how far from spirituality most of the members of the church were.
I do go to church now on occasion. Hard to do with all that goes on at my house.
I've found a place that "calls" to my soul.
Not to say that I haven't practiced my spirituality,
Just took a really long time to find a place that I
Felt the a connection of the soul with.
God hears all prayers. All.
Pray for direction to a place that you feel comfortable with worship.
A place where you feel a personal connection.
Or watch services on TV.
I don't think that it matters what others' think.
Just what you do about your experience at a service.
I want to come away with Hope.
It doesn't sound like that happens for you.
I pray that you find what you are needing.
God loves you just the way you are.
Remember that.
Who cares what anybody else thinks.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
You are smart enough to see their ignorance. You know they are fools. Don't let them drag you down.
Posts: 743 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
kellephant, I don't have what it takes today to read all the other comments, but in my five year walk with Lyme, my comment to people that pray such as you said would be in the form of a question....
Have you read the book of Job? Enough said.
{{{HUGS}}}
Posts: 58 | From Virginia | Registered: May 2008
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sutherngrl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16270
posted
Leadmare......thank you! Perfect answer!
That would make a neat tee shirt!
Posts: 4035 | From Mississippi | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I was on many different boards and committees, and sang in the choir at our church. When my husband got sick, I no longer could give to others. One by one, I dropped them. I lost a good friend as I "resigned" from her committee. It is a sad situation, but I had to take care of things at home as a top priority.
Today, our supportive loving membership continues to pray for us. I am now too fragile emotionally to attend church. Hubby hasn't gotten any better in 7 year of illness, and I just can't tell people that over and over. He can't attend as he is unable to tolerate the noise and commotion.
My faith has been tested, and even though I know we don't always like the answer to our prayers, it is hard not to be angry that my husband has had to suffer so much. If this was God's way of knocking us down from living a charmed life, it has been one real hard blow.
At first I prayed, then I yelled, screamed and now I mostly cry to God. Still no relief.
May this nightmare end one day for all of us.
I wish there was an answer. Wizard
Posts: 252 | From USA | Registered: Sep 2003
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My story was just exactly like yours. Right down to knowing beyond any doubt I was/am in the right church.
Praise the Lord I don't have those obsessive social anxiety thoughts/behaviors anymore! Why? Because the Lord led me to my LLMD who recognized them as not being 'normal', 'healthy', or 'a spiritual problem' and then prescribed Prozac for them.
I had felt that way for as far back as I could remember, like 6 or 7 yo, at least. After a few weeks of Prozac I could feel things changing. Now, after a year and a half, I feel like a completely different person. Not different in that I'm no longer myself, but different in NEW AND IMPROVED...and finally my TRUE self. =)
Luke was a doctor, remember. God definitely uses the medical community and medicines. And always, ALWAYS works everything out for the GOOD of those that love Him. =)
In Christ, Chris
Posts: 155 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2007
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Not able to read what the others wrote. But, some of the things people said to me when I first came down sick and was still trying to attend church reminded me of how much education is needed for the sick in church also.
Some of the people even had others in their family who were dx with parkinsons and CFS/fibro.
People are still people even if they go to church.
On the other hand, the help I have received from others who do believe in God has been such a blessing.
I have begun to learn a bit about God's grace and some other word I can't recall right now that I didn't understand before this chronic condition.
I am hoping both of us will find a church we can attend that works around our illness and that accepts us for where we are at the time.
I am not able to attend now as I don't have a way to transport my power chair and need to attend a church/bible study that starts around 8 am to work around my illness as my body shuts down around 9 am so I need to be at home by then.
Most churches start at 10 am.
Keep trying to find a place where you do feel accepted for you.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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kgg
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5867
posted
Please believe me that I am not slamming any specific church. Or type of church. But, there are some who have a philosophy that if we are sick then we have sin in our life.
I don't agree with this. Nor did I go to any of these type of churches. If I am in one, I run! But I believe some of the attitude that you are perceiving is from this philosophy/doctrine.
Best, Karen
Posts: 1691 | From Maine | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
All things work together for good for those who love Christ
I can relate to your situation in the fact that for the first time in my life I have known what it is to be afraid to drive down the street, leave my house, be alone. To talk to people both that I know and that I don't know. It seems like if I have a conversation more than a few minutes it triggers a social anxiety I have never known before. And in my profession, discussion is a major aspect. I have not been able to go to work in 6 months and am very close to losing my job.
It is so hard when you seek comfort from those who don't understand, and who are supposed to be mentors, or have a similar faith as yourself, or who want to help you grow in your faith. I watched my mother go through years of undiagnosed health issues just to be healed and then to get sick again wtih an autoimmune disease when I finished college and was trying to get into graduate school. That was the hardest thing to go through, and I truly questioned a God that could let such a good person go through so much.
But God is good. And He is a loving, sacrificing, perfect God. Yes, He does judge. And I do believe that things happen in life in order to refine who you are and what you believe. That's the idea of the refiner's fire, the illustration of the potter and the clay. But He never leaves you, and never stops loving you, and does what is ultimately in your best interest, even if you can't see it. And He will never give you more than you can handle, He promises that.
In highschool I attended a church that in my opinion was extremely judgemental. While their intentions were good, and there were many good Christians, at that part of my life I knew I was being compared to those good girls and boys who demonstrated perfect Christian lives. No matter what, I knew I could never compete with that. The pastor's wife basically frowned upon me, and did not want her sons even talking to me. And that was ridiculous yet mortifying. I did spike a volley ball in the face of one of the sons though, and he cried. I laughed (oops!). I realized I could never date someone like that anyway (praise God)! Experiences happen to us, and they do mold us, whether in a positive or negative way. Undergrad was the same way, I went to a Christian college. I remember this one boy, one of those perfectly behaved Christians. He would walk around with the Bible in his hand. And he would talk to me. Then he saw me with a cigarette. And he never looked at me again. That is NOT Christian love. That is a judgemental, egotistical, and false love. I do not necessarily doubt his Christianity, but I knew that was not how Christians were supposed to act. Yes, there is helping your fellow Christians and holding them accountable, if you're lucky enough to be in that setting. But judgement is left up to God. By grace you are saved not by works. It's amazing how many people forget that. And God grants us agape love, a true neverending love. And Christianity can partly be summarized by the fact that Christ is our intermediate, that He stands between us and the damning judgement of God.
Whether or not you have done something terrible in your past, as a Christian, God has forgiven you, and you stated you know that. Maybe this is a time for you to grow in your faith. Learn to depend on a God that loves you rather than depending on yourself, or anyone else for that matter. My church group while not judging me, has pretty much left me on my own. I know they will pray for me, and if I asked for help they would, but physical support has diminished. My closest friends are now only occassionally emailing or texting. My family is hours away. The male acquaintences I had turned out to not care enough to stick around. I truly enjoyed living on my own prior to that, but I learned a fear that I hope never to experience again being on my own for months, not understanding the neuropathy, or the confusion, or the pain. The people I first confided in I knew thought I was crazy, and yes, they were (and may still be) judging me. I actually lost one of my closest friends because she has a partial background in psychology and began looking at me like a mental patient, and I know brought it up to my other friends. I've questioned if I even can go back to work under those circumstances. But then I realized I don't truly care if they judge me or not, I am accountable to God, not them. Christians or not, I will respectfully listen to advice, but it is my decision who I truly listen to. If someone were to tell me I'm sick because I'm an evil person, I would respond that we are all born into sin, again isn't that one of the major tenants of Christianity? And if someone were to tell me that God will heal me if I act a certain way, or confess a certain thing, or if I sacrifice medical opportunities to prove faith, I would remember all those good Christian men and women I have known, that have died early deaths due to disease or circumstance. They did not have a dark past, but they were taken for a reason only God knows. Of course God is a healer, but that doesn't mean He will choose to heal. Some people like my mother who is the best Christian example I have ever met, has and will live a life of pain, both emotional as well as physical. But when I was cursing God, sitting out on a porch swing and watching her hold her swollen hands in pain, the hands that had raised me and been my strength, she told me that she had never been happier, her faith had never been stronger. And she started telling me about all the people she was able to help because of her past/present circumstances. God would not have been able to use her without her illnesses. Now would I ever believe someone that tells me God will heal me if I have enough faith? I will respond with He will heal me if it's in His will, not mine.
I will pray for you, pleae pray for me. I appreciate you letting me write this really long letter, like you I don't give too many specific details out except for what is needed. And as I have few Christian people in my life, they do not understand our struggles the way we do. It feels good to be able to write this to someone I know understands what I am going through. Life is not easy, but remember we all have a purpose, and we will be taken care of. And any darkness, or pain, or issues we had/have I believe can be used for good once we learn how to deal with them ourselves and give them to God. All the best to you and your situation.
Posts: 3 | From Connecticut | Registered: Jul 2010
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