randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
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posted
his son and wife are coming the last week of november for a week. they are both very large people.
now we have only a futon in a second bedroom. hubs gave up the bedroom furniture because he wanted a work out room and the other bedroom is his junk reloading room so we don't have a bedroom suite in any other bedroom, cept ours.
so he says "well they can have our bedroom and we'll take the futon or you can sleep on the sofa." WTH???
he says i should clean off my sink and empty out part of my closet so SHE has space.
i threw a fit but it didn't do any good. he wants them "to be comfortable"...grrrr.....
i know i'm fighting a loosing battle here, but would you feel comfortable going to somebody's else knowing they have to sleep on the damn sofa, empty all their make up, etc., out of their bath and clothes closet so you can be "comfortable".
i suggested paying for a hotel for them, but oh no, he's got to have his son right by his side...
i'm so po'd i can't see straight, but he says hit's only afor a week. so what? it's my bedroom....
do i have to take out my bears, my pictures, my radio,etc.???
this takes the cake....
i'm hoping they will have enough CLASS to say no, we don't think so, but i know he will push it until they cave in. but i hope they're damn uncomfortable sleeping in MY bed, with me on the damn sofa....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
Wow randi...NO WAY would I stay in someone's home that didn't have the place for me to stay. If I have to take someone else's bed, then they don't have room for me. And no matter how hard someone might push, I would not stay.
But that's me. And the son might not be able to say no against his father's insistence that they stay. And for a WEEK?? One could do almost anything for one night, but a week?
I think *I* would go to the hotel for a week, if that's the case. Let your dear hubby sleep on the futon, or in the garage, or dog house, or wherever...I'd be nice and comfy at the hotel. And I'd order plenty of room service. Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010
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randibear
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posted
well i'm going to make sure SHE knows that i'm damn uncomfortable with this ___t.
plus he says "now you know you have to cook at least twice a day for them."....are you freaking kidding me...after being on a sofa all night, then he wants me to fix "a big breakfast and dinner"....
bull___....this ain't no holiday inn guys...and i ain't waiting on them people hand and foot if i have to give up my bedroom.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
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posted
- Hey, they can put the futon on the floor in the living room. Keep your bedroom. Or YOU go find proper sleeping arrangements at some fancy spa by yourself for a week, on your husband's bank card, of course.
You really need a good bed and good sleep for your health. This is a matter of health. I'm quite serious. If they aren't going to stay in a hotel, I would. Sleep matters. It sustains life.
You might consider a blow-up bed for them in the living room. But, as I type this, I realize that the vinyl could make you very sick, ooops. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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I would make guests comfortable within the limits of my house other than my room. I would be sure there's something to eat in the morning, but that doesn't mean I'd necessarily COOK breakfast. Maybe danishes and coffee?
I normally cook dinner, so that would be no problem.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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17hens
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posted
Oh my goodness, no way, randi. No way I would (or could) do a futon for a week and cook all that.
And I do believe you've been quite ill lately... no?
I think you either get your bed or you get a real nice hotel room all to yourself.
That's my 2 cents!
-------------------- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalms 73:26
bit 4/09, diagnosed 1/10 Posts: 3043 | From PA | Registered: Dec 2009
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Keebler
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posted
- You do ALL the cooking, too? Why can't your husband cook? Why can't they? A caterer to prepare and deliver ? -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
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posted
yes, i'm recovering from acute pancreatitis attack.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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17hens
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posted
My mom was sick for weeks after she had an acute pancreatitis attack last winter. Futon? Cook? Fat chance!
-------------------- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalms 73:26
bit 4/09, diagnosed 1/10 Posts: 3043 | From PA | Registered: Dec 2009
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posted
randi...time to step up on your own behalf. Too bad if no one understands. You DON'T have to give up your bed, you DON'T have to cook two flippin' meals a day, and you don't have to take it.
You've been sick...you're going to have to be your own best friend and advocate here...
Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010
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randibear
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posted
well i've tried and tried and his attitude is "it's going to happen so just get used to it."
ya'll know how he is.
i'm hoping his son and wife have enough decency to just put down their foot and say no!!
and i've sent her another message hinting about it, saying how i'm emptying my closet and all, cleaning out. she didn't say anything, just not to "overdue" myself.
well, we'll see how "polite" they are.
but i can tell you one cotton pickin thang. if they take our bedroom, i will never, ever set foot in their house again. period. ain't no buts about it.
i'm still po'd over him selling my honda to his sister for 7500 when it's worth at least 11.
so i'm storing up the "gotcha" list.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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sammy
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posted
I wouldn't want to stay with someone and have them give me their bed! That's just wrong.
Randibear, if the problem is that son and wife won't fit comfortably on the futon have your hubby go buy a blow up mattress (like an aerobed). There are even raised versions that are the same height as a regular bed. Then son and wife both have a place to sleep in the spare bedroom.
You need your rest too.
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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17hens
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posted
Wait, I read a story one time of how someone got someone else to leave a room. Could they have put fish inside curtain rods? I think so.
I do believe it stunk to high heaven and the source couldn't be found. That would chase them out
Or stain the sheets w/ iodine - they'd think it was something else.
OK, getting nasty now, sorry. Just brain storming...
Or put peas under the mattress? Big, hard peas?
-------------------- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalms 73:26
bit 4/09, diagnosed 1/10 Posts: 3043 | From PA | Registered: Dec 2009
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posted
Sometimes people don't understand hints. Or they choose not to. Bluntness can be a good thing.
Is there a reason why you can't just tell this stepson and his wife that despite your husband's insistence, you have no intention of giving up YOUR bed because of your medical situation?
Put it on them and tell them where the nearest hotel is. If they put up a fuss, tell them they can have the living room floor.
And if they end up becoming your houseguests tell them you don't cook breakfast, but there will be coffee and cereal for them along with deli meats and bread for lunch. And ask them where they can afford to take you and your husband out to dinner seeing as how you'll be hosting them.
You might want to think about taking on your husband's attitude: I won't be giving up my bed, closet, etc and I won't be cooking meals. It's not going to happen so get used to it.
I don't know your situation with your husband but maybe you ought to consider making a "how the heck do I get away from this" list.
Your home is your haven (key words being your home). You have a right to expect peace and as little stress as possible. Good luck.
-------------------- You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
---Eleanor Roosevelt Posts: 748 | From somewhere | Registered: May 2010
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17 hens, yes I remember that story. It was about a divorced couple. The husband was going to get the house. The ex-wife put fish in all the bottom pockets of the curtains in the house.
She sold the house to the husband and his new wife. He thought he "won"
Shortly after the house began to smell. They did everything but couldn't find the source of the odor so ended up putting the house on the market dirt cheap.
The wife bought it back and laughed all the way to the bank.
Now where the heck did the story come from? I have no idea!
-------------------- You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
---Eleanor Roosevelt Posts: 748 | From somewhere | Registered: May 2010
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Randibear, if the problem is that son and wife won't fit comfortably on the futon have your hubby go buy a blow up mattress (like an aerobed). There are even raised versions that are the same height as a regular bed. Then son and wife both have a place to sleep in the spare bedroom.
That's what I would do.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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randibear
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posted
my husband is the type that he absolutely will not take their no for an answer. i mean it.
he's absolutely determined that they get our bedroom.
says she has a bad back. oh yeah, they're driving 1200 miles down here and she's got a "bad back". and he's buying a motorcyle so they can ride...uh huh, with a "bad back".
i don't think he would even take their protests under consideration. unfortunately, he's the type that has to make a big impression, like picking up the check for one of their family get togethers == mother, sister, husband, their three children, himself, another sister, her two kids, etc., well you get the picture. nothing too big or too cheap for his family...oh no...but he wouldn't spend one bloody night at my mom's house when she was alive. he dropped me off and went to his son's....
ah well, better not get me started...it's going to happen but i'll get even in the end
you better believe i will....i handle the finances and it's about time i spent on me...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
I hope that means you'll be staying in a hotel.
Seems like a real difficult situation. Too bad so much of your energy is being wasted on this.
Good luck with everything.
-------------------- You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
---Eleanor Roosevelt Posts: 748 | From somewhere | Registered: May 2010
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Randi..I DO have a bad back. Disabled b/c of it. I've NEVER wanted to judge someone else's pain level, or judge what they should or should not be able to do with whatever health condition they might have. The reason being is I wouldn't want someone else judging mine.
That being said...NO WAY EVER I could make a 1,200 mile trip. And put me on the back of a motorcycle and I'm in the emergency room. In fact, the trip alone would do it.
If her bad back allows her to make a 1,200 mile trip, then she can sleep on a blow up mattress.
I know you're going to have to accept your husbands words of this is the way it is and get used to it...but really. He has me cursing in french. And I'm not french.
Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
Yeah the whole "bad back" thing and the 1200 mile trip doesn't jive.
I technically don't have a bad back, but my limit for sitting in a car is about 2 hours, or about 120 miles give or take. Any longer and my leg goes numb. And that's when I'm not driving.
If this chickie can do 1200 miles in a car, pffft, I'd say she sure as heck doesn't have a bad back. And if she's riding a motorcycle, really, really how bad can her back be? It must be nice living on Fantasy Island.
I'm cursing in French too. And I ain't French either.
Quel menteur! Me charriez-vous? Oh mon Dieu!
-------------------- You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
---Eleanor Roosevelt Posts: 748 | From somewhere | Registered: May 2010
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randibear
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posted
oh merde....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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lymeinhell
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Member # 4622
Weight limit on queen size is 750 lbs. Not sure how large you are referring to. They inflate in seconds are a more comfortable than a mattress. The raised ones are great, but you'd be looking to spend $300 or so.
But if it was me, I'd either have left him already or told him to KMA
-------------------- Julie _ _ ___ _ _ lymeinhell
Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed. Posts: 2258 | From a better place than I was 11 yrs ago | Registered: Sep 2003
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randibear
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posted
fyi, his son must weigh about 270 or more and his wife must weigh around 225 or more.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
Hang in there kid, we thinking of you. I would go to the motel and put it on HIS credit card. Find one that has a full breakfast too, not just continental!
If you do stay home I think putting out a gallon of milk, couple bowls and some cold cereal is a good idea.
-------------------- I have a good time wherever I go! Posts: 665 | From Lost Wages, NV | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Randi.. Go to a really nice bed and breakfast. Sleep all you want, then have breakfast then go back home and ask how everyone is doing!! (make sure you don't come home until after lunch and then go out to eat in the evening!)
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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jackie51
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posted
Wow, I'm surprised they would sleep in your bed. Maybe what you should do is feed them really healthy foods and then maybe they'll take you out. At that weight, they must be bread and sugar eaters. Get all junk out of the house. Water, black coffee or black tea.
I found that sometimes it's even easier to eat healthy. No starch to cook.
Good luck and don't let them drain your energy or you'll be sick as a dog the week after they are gone.
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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Keebler
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posted
- In their defense, we all know that weight is not always the fault of a person. Lyme, itself, can cause undeserved weight gain even if a healthful diet is followed.
You can not like them for reasons of their personalities, etc. and they may have unhealthful habits but it should never be assumed that any overweight person eats the wrong foods. Many do not. -
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randibear
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posted
sorry keebler, but i KNOW they're eating habits. he's a cop and admits to fast food and donuts, pure junk.
she's basically the same and lots of it.
so in their case, it IS overeating and junk.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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jackie51
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posted
Yes, weight is not always the fault of a person. I know I've gained 20 pounds from Lyme & Co. I even had a doctor tell me if I lost the 20 pounds, then I wouldn't be so tired. I didn't have the weight when I started to feel like crap and 1-2 years later had gained weight and then that's what they blamed all my troubles on. Go figure.
A lot of overweight people don't eat enough but most likely it's a combination of many things that causes them to be overweight. I'm sorry but 275 and 225 are morbidly obese, not overweight, unless these people are extremely tall. Maybe that's why the futon doesn't work. ;-)
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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Keebler
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posted
- Randi,
I certainly do see your concerns about the total situation. Regarding a weight limit on your bed, that is physics and medical. And, with your health, I'd not even talk about physics and weight limits for the bed as you need it - giving it up is not even an option for you at the point of your health.
I do hope this works out and that whatever choices you can make empower you.
apljack,
Aside from this post, assumptions simply cannot be made about anyone who is overweight or morbidly obese. It is most offensive to see the judgement.
It hurts me very deeply as this matter is one that I've struggled with - and I challenge anyone to do better regarding self-care. Still, the comments are very hurtful.
You are condemning any woman over 225 and any man over 275. That condemnation is offensive. You cannot know of all the men and women at that weight, anything about them nor does anyone have the right to judge.
So, please, do not judge. Become educated instead in all the variable. Yes, some people make the wrong choices but, even if so, they may be trying for quick energy. We can't know all there is about their choices. And, I have to say that I've known some very wonderful men and women who happened to be obese for any number of reasons.
You have no idea of the kind of endocrine disorders and pituitary tumors that caused some folks I know to ballon up.
Still, even with the very best food choices, for some with lyme, weight gain can be startling. And, it's none of our business to judge others for their size.
We can not like them for the way they treat us or for their politics, etc, but for their size or their skin color - that's not fair.
Until you read this book, you just can't know all that entailed. There are instances of lyme patients gaining well over 100 pounds (well over), for no reason, but due to lyme itself. And, when infection went into remission, that reversed in just as puzzling of a manner as it occurred. Detailed in this book: ----------------
This book is specific to lyme and other chronic stealth infections. The author discusses the endocrine connection and effects of STRESS on a person with such infections. You can read customer reviews and look inside the book at this link to its page at Amazon.
. . . It seems likely that these bacterial species could serve as biological indicators of a developing overweight condition.
Of even greater interest, and the subject of future research, is the possibility that oral bacteria may participate in the pathology that leads to obesity. . . . -
[ 11-12-2010, 11:50 AM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
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jackie51
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posted
Keebler, Yes, I made some assumptions. I am sorry you were offended.
I am already aware of the cortisol connection. I know that people struggle with weight issues. People also struggle with alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. Though today's more common "drugs" of choice are sugar, white flour and caffeine. There is a connection between these drugs and lyme too. We are all aware of the anti-inflammation diet recommended for lymies. Certainly, that diet is not easy and I'm sure people struggle with it. I know I cheat now and then and I pay the price.
While the PBS book may make people feel better and have some valid information, historically people have not been overweight until the advent of white flour and then the proceeding processed and convenient foods. That being said, many a doctor mistreats a patient with steroids and that causes an extreme weight build up. It's not the bacteria per se that makes us gain weight, it's our bodies reaction to it (and the wrong treatments) that are making us gain weight.
Our food supply can be the culprit too, as in the beef and chicken industry. The steroids (and antibiotics) that are pumped into these animals is horrid. If you haven't already, you may want to either eliminate meats or go organic.
I am sorry for your struggles with this issue. I too have the "potbelly", actually it's more of a potbelly with a spare tire, and try to do everything I can to keep it under control.
FYI--I don't think I would dislike someone because of their politics. I know my spouse and I cancel each others votes out many, many times. It's our values that need to be in line.
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
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posted
- apljack,
It's not just whether I'm offended that matters. It's become the new national past time to loathe those who carry extra weight. Heavy people are the new safe target for bullying, it seems. The thin people people who scarf twinkles are not chastised. It has to do with appearance.
I've not had any white flour for 20 years, nor any processed foods. Nor conventionally raised meats. I've never abused food.
Again, assumptions and judgements float, lumping people into the same category. If there is one person out there who breaks the mold, assumptions can't hold true. Because for every heavy person with great health habits, there are others, too.
Not all heavy people eat or act the way you think they do. The same can be said of trim people.
Yes, many "foods" in the markets are not all good but to make any assumption that any heavy person does something wrong - you just can't know that and, yet, that assumption sticks that they must be causing the weight gain themsleves - that is just very wrong. Very wrong on many levels.
The comment came not from a discussion about nutrition but simply regarding the specific weight of a person. Not a true measure on any level. And it's time for that to stop. As a culture, we have to stop making fun of, putting down and generally making another person's weight any of our business. It is not.
If you want to focus on nutrition for everyone, that's great. Support local farmers, farmers markets, help make healthful food available for everyone, etc. Would that help a lot of people? Yes, of course.
But, it's not necessarily going to make ALL heavy people trim if they've already been employing good health habits and if there is more to the puzzle (which is often the case).
What will help all society the most? For people to stop judging a person based upon their appearance. -
[ 11-12-2010, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
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posted
i really could care less whether they weigh 120 or 520. all i'm saying is this is MY bed and while i do weigh alot, almost 220, it's more of a "it's my space" and my sanctuary.
but you're right. i'll loose, so nothing i can do about it.
but giving up your personal bed to people is not right, in my opinion. especially if one spouse is dead set against it.
who cares what they weigh????
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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METALLlC BLUE
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posted
quote:Originally posted by AlanaSuzanne: Sometimes people don't understand hints. Or they choose not to. Bluntness can be a good thing.
Is there a reason why you can't just tell this stepson and his wife that despite your husband's insistence, you have no intention of giving up YOUR bed because of your medical situation?
Put it on them and tell them where the nearest hotel is. If they put up a fuss, tell them they can have the living room floor.
And if they end up becoming your houseguests tell them you don't cook breakfast, but there will be coffee and cereal for them along with deli meats and bread for lunch. And ask them where they can afford to take you and your husband out to dinner seeing as how you'll be hosting them.
You might want to think about taking on your husband's attitude: I won't be giving up my bed, closet, etc and I won't be cooking meals. It's not going to happen so get used to it.
I don't know your situation with your husband but maybe you ought to consider making a "how the heck do I get away from this" list.
Your home is your haven (key words being your home). You have a right to expect peace and as little stress as possible. Good luck.
I get a lot of **** and attitude because of the way I think. I think just like Alana here presented. I'm very blunt, but reasonable. If someone becomes unreasonable with me, then I drop the hammer.
I have no problem telling people No. If they don't understand the word no, then I tell them that "That's not my problem if you're too ****in' stupid to not grasp the simple concept of yes, or no."
I would rather go to war with words and have a huge explosion than to "WILLINGLY" submit to being in more pain and agony than I already am in.
In the end, you lose no matter what, but it may as well not be the result of surrendering to unreasonable demands placed on someone ill.
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6628
posted
quote:Originally posted by randibear: well i've tried and tried and his attitude is "it's going to happen so just get used to it."
ya'll know how he is.
i'm hoping his son and wife have enough decency to just put down their foot and say no!!
and i've sent her another message hinting about it, saying how i'm emptying my closet and all, cleaning out. she didn't say anything, just not to "overdue" myself.
well, we'll see how "polite" they are.
but i can tell you one cotton pickin thang. if they take our bedroom, i will never, ever set foot in their house again. period. ain't no buts about it.
i'm still po'd over him selling my honda to his sister for 7500 when it's worth at least 11.
so i'm storing up the "gotcha" list.
You're method is ineffective. The ex-wife and son aren't the ones you should be taking your wrath out on.
Your husband isn't going to budge, and leaving your power in the hands of others, hoping by chance they somehow do the right thing, is a huge setup for failure.
You have to make a decision about how "you're" going to respond to all this, not wait to see how others respond.
Remember, either way the outcome is going to be emotional, dramatic and filled with stress -- so choose your poison carefully. Do you want to be someone's lap dog, or at least make yourself comfortable and ensure your health is taken care of?
The answer is obvious. Better to be comfortable and at some nearby hotel alone. You'll probably get sick from the stress later when you arrive home, but at least you didn't do it to yourself by accepting the unacceptable arrangement of your Husband.
** The reason I'm suggesting Randi leave is because I know how her Husband is. He's a total dick, basically. He'll make sure she suffers the entire time if she stays at the house and stands up for herself. Standing up for herself often just creates more drama, so.......leaving is in her best interest.
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
hey you guys, i love you.....
yeah, this is not going to be a pleasant visit.
on top of all this, his sister has called and says she wants my car NOW....*****....
and he told me "shut the f___ up about that damn car. it's going to happen, so just shut up about it."
ah, yes, married life is so great....
and now i've developed uncontrollable high blood pressure and migraines...
with the diverticulitis and pancreas problems, i'm having such a great time....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Rumigirl
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posted
Randi, Randi, why do you put up with this guy?? It's not like he seems to care about you (from what you are saying). It's no wonder that you are having all the terrible symptoms now, on top of have Lyme, etc.
I know things are complicated in terms of money, etc., but for Pete's sake, you need to take care of you---not him and his family and having him treat you so terribly. I know you've heard it all before here, but think about it . . .
Posts: 3771 | From around | Registered: Mar 2008
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jackie51
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posted
Randi, Hugs and I hope you have a nice holiday despite this crazy.
Posts: 1374 | From Crazy Town | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
Metallic, I think we're related. If not we should be.
Optimistik, I wouldn't even do half of what you suggest on my best most healthiest day. You are a good egg. And apparently not related to me or Metallic.
Randi, I hope you're managing getting through all this nonsense.
-------------------- You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
---Eleanor Roosevelt Posts: 748 | From somewhere | Registered: May 2010
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posted
I've amazed myself at times at what I put up with in an effort to "go along to get along". It was just easier that way. The path of least resistance.
I've come a long way. Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010
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