posted
Hi! I was on this board awhile ago, but my e-mail died and I don't remember my login info--so I made a new one. ^^;; Yay Lyme brain!
I was wondering if you guys could give me any advice on personality changes? I just acted like a really rude, entitled, angry person to best friend I've had for eight years, and really was horrible. I can't believe I did that, and I don't even know how to explain. I apologized, and he says he's okay with it but I think he's unnerved and still ****ed off.
Everyone knows me as a really patient, quiet, amiable, laid back person, and now I'm acting HORRIBLE sometimes, being angry, having episodes of rage, hysteria, crying, hopelessness, being demanding, expecting people to do things for me, just assuming people know what I want and want to do what I want, wanting to kill myself...I feel like I'm losing my identity. Everything about "me" dies in these episodes. It's making me really, really, really upset.
I can handle being so ill I am in bed 90% of my life. But I'm really struggling to deal with symptoms that alienate the only people that make me want to keep breathing.
I feel like I should somehow be able to control them. I'm angry because it's impossible for other people to understand.
Posts: 34 | From Pennsylvania | Registered: Dec 2010
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hi hunni. hang in there its okay. almost everyone goes through this to a certain degree. I was getting insane anxiety. I was so restless. I totally acted different too. I went on an SSRI and it helped a bit. but starting lyme treatment helped more
just hang in there. explain to people that you have a systemic bacterial infection. it effects you mentally,physically emotionally. you name it. tell them its not really you talking but its the disease. Dont feel bad about it because honsetly you cant help it. Lyme is powerful. Im assuming your at the beginning of treatment and this is the darkest time. hang in there and youll improve
Posts: 995 | From somewhere out there | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'd print this up and show him. And maybe print a few other pages where people are expressing similar issues.
Posts: 707 | From Colorado | Registered: Jul 2010
| IP: Logged |
lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561
posted
I feel the same way. I can't get used to the fact i was fun, organized, focused and now am nothing. We're all tired. tired of feeling dead and not being able to feel life has to be one of the worst "punishments". sorry to use that word, but you cant help but wonder what you did to deserve something like this. How can someone get used to feeling dead? Let them read this thread and so many others, an animal doesn't deserve this, none the less people with heart, souls and ability to love and experience life. We all have our diseases and cross to bear. I have to keep that in mind. Its not poor me, its just unfathomable what this can do to your psyche, that your soul is in pain every day. Bad day, sorry. Better ones have to be ahead.
-------------------- He took u to it, He'll you through Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Thank you very much, all of you. You made me feel a bit better. I hope you all feel a bit better soon, too. I think my personality has stabilized to the point I appear ""normal"" again, haha! Even though the physical symptoms are so bad, sometimes it's hard to accept that the mental ones aren't controllable. I suppose I should think about it like I think about the dystonia/seizures/whatever they figure out it is: that I can't help it. ^^; But it's hard!
Posts: 34 | From Pennsylvania | Registered: Dec 2010
| IP: Logged |
METALLlC BLUE
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6628
posted
I have crippling symptoms in this areas. The end result is always the same. People eventally leave. I understand though.
Most tell me when we first meet "Oh, I can handle it, I've dealt with it." -- but it never works.
The reality is, your a backseat driver being taken where you don't want to go. You're the victim of your own creations, like a puppet on a string.
You watch yourself say and do hurtful things, or do nothing when you otherwise would -- and you live with the consequences as they come crashing down.
It still hurts people, no matter how understanding they are. The worst part is when they talk behind my back. It's not that I blame them for it, it's just that it hurts me to know that they're suffering enough to do it.
It leads me to feel I'm a very bad person and it affects my self-esteem sometimes. It takes me months/years to rebuild and redeem myself, but I can only do that once the disease is under control. I've been off treatment since May of 2010, so you know it's not under control.
I need treatment immediately
-------------------- I am not a physician, so do your own research to confirm any ideas given and then speak with a health care provider you trust.
posted
going through this right now. its a week before my period and it gets pretty awful for at least 2 days. usualy on the weekends when i have only down time to think of crazy stuff. if i keep busy, i'm ok.
but yea, eventually people leave.
i try to hole myself up away from people but the ones closest to me feel the wrath. and when they do nothing in reply, i get even more upset.
someone said this to me yesterday (it helped)...
"Lower your expectations of people, they are only doing what they know how to do."
Its hard though, when you just want someone to know what to do for you and you don't know how to ask for help. without a strong support system, lyme can be unbearable.
posted
Isn't this kind of behavior often associated with bartonella? The over-the-top kind, not just snapping occasionally because you have a chronic disease and so much trouble that came with it. Of course, if lyme can cause dementia, it can definitely affect the brain and that is where behavior comes from.
The fact is that it is hard to be around chronically sick people, however much you liked them before. Because they are needy, not able to do normal things, depressed, etc. My solution is to stay away from people, but that isn't a good solution entirely. Results in isolation. Peaceful, though.
Posts: 8430 | From Not available | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
its really challenging. I love being active and with people. but you're exactly right Lou, chronic lymies can be needy, unable to do normal things, depressed, and it makes it all worse when people don't understand WHY. it DOES make you wanna be alone.
But, thats hard too.
Just gotta do the best you can and be forgiving of yourself.
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I have kind of gone with the Lou dx and stay away from people.
Especially when I start to go out in my power chair and someone just happens to look at me wrong and I want to run them over.
I do better when I am feeling better.
But, still need to limit my time and choose when I am around people.
STill have trouble with that at times. Today, I need to hibernate...not doing well. Can't really get out and get myself into trouble.
Been hoping to be able to go to the grocery store for ? amount of days now and health is still not up to it.
That makes me angry. But, asking someone to go for me has turned out to be more of a negative and more taxing on the health than waiting until I can go myself.
So, I have learned to wait it out.
MOstly, I try and avoid people who are judgemental and negative and gossipy.
No patients for complainers.
Difficult to know my limits too. I will think I am doing fine and will talk (listen) to someone for about 10 min and have it set me back 2 days.
So tricky.
When I go out in my power chair, I head towards no traffic streets to avoid the noise of cars and possibly having to talk with someone.
Rarely, Can I deal with people.
I guess the bottom line is getting to know your limits and trying to stay within them. Tricky.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged |
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I also have given up trying to explain to others what it is like living with this...wasted energy
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
You made me feel a bit better. I hope you all feel a bit better soon, too. I think my personality has stabilized to the point I appear ""normal"" again, haha! Even though the physical symptoms are so bad, sometimes it's hard to accept that the mental ones aren't controllable. I suppose I should think about it like I think about the dystonia/seizures/whatever they figure out it is: that I can't help it. ^^; But it's hard!
Printer-friendly view of this topic