posted
I am at a place where I feel I have to make a difficult decision.
Background is that I adopted my dog about 12 years ago when I single. He has been my baby and I love him as if he is a child.
I have since gotten married and my husband has never really been on board with an indoor dog, but accepted him nonetheless.
When I got my Lyme diagnosis 4 months ago, my husband immediately blamed the dog and has been extremly angry at the dog since.
I realize that many folks get Lyme who do not have animals, though I also realize having an indoor animal may increase your risk.
Now, today I got the results of my toddler's Lyme test. I had been so worried b/c I didn't know if I had Lyme while pregnant, but I did nurse him for two years while symptomatic b/c I had no idea it was Lyme or anything contagious.
His test was positive (IGG was anyway, IGM negative). Now I did not tell my husband I even tested my son b/c I knew my dog would be shot instantly.
I was holding out hope it would be negative and I could just move on. But that didn't happen. So, I feel like I have to get the dog out of our house.
I can't ask anyone to take him b/c he has multiple health problems that requires homemade dogfood and insulin shots twice a day. I feel like having him put down is the most humane thing to do.
Am I over-reacting? What would you all do???
Thank you!
Posts: 47 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2010
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LabRat
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 78
posted
You need your husband more than you need an old sick dog. Really sorry and sad for you and your dog.
Posts: 1887 | From Corpus Christi, Texas | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
There is as much of a chance that a mouse or rodent brought lyme into your life. If you have a bird feeder close to your house, your chances of having rodents with lyme bringing ticks into your house are even higher. A stone wall, or piles of leaves, even higher.
I just lost my beautiful almost 12 year old labrador to lyme disease. The tick gave you lyme disease, not your dog. I am not blaming you, or trying to give you more grief, but you will have grief and guilt if you put your dog down.
Make your husband understand that not having your dog (your companion) will make you sicker. The damage is done, why make the loss even more than you are suffering now.
If he is a good man, he will understand. If he is not, he will not be supportive to you through your quest to get well. I'm not being harsh, I'm being honest.
Posts: 43 | From Upstate NY | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
Eliz, I completely agree and we have had this fight over and over. He continues to feel like I defend the dog and love the dog more than him...well sometimes that may be true, especially as angry as he has been since my dx.
The dog is still fairly healthy in spite of his medical issues so it would be so hard to put him down just for the husband.
But I can see where this is likely going to the straw that destroys our marriage. No, this is not the only problem in our marriage, but since there have been others prior to my illness, this very well may do us in.
How will I feel when my son is a little older and the dog is gone by old age and my husband has moved on. I don't know really, I'm just thinking out loud.
Until I got my son's positive test this morning I had no intention of bowing to pressure of my husband and removing the dog from our home, but I feel like I can either hide my son's Lyme or get rid of the dog. Those are the two choices.
OMG this day has really sucked. Thank you all for your thoughts and support.
Posts: 47 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2010
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posted
"The dog is still fairly healthy in spite of his medical issues so it would be so hard to put him down just for the husband."
- That was my point in asking. I think the guilt you will feel for putting the dog down will make you even sicker.
And I also agree that the ticks you encountered were more likely from OUTSIDE than IN.
Your husband is behaving rather irrationally. I feel for you.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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momlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 27775
posted
That's a tough call.
You want to keep the husband?
The dog only has a few years left at best.
What if the dog is the cause of both of your sicknesses?
My son got sick with lyme + more... then my dong went lame with lyme. Some days I blame the dog.
As a matter of fact if it were not for my son... I would have probably let the dog go the last time I took her to the vet. I am afraid of her infecting the rest of my family.
It really is a tough call.
What if you get yourself and your son well and the dog licks your son's face... and he get's reinfected?
Has the dog been tested for lyme? coinfections?
I am sorry you have to make this call.
-------------------- May health be with you!
Toxic mold was suppressing our immune systems, causing extreme pain, brain fog and magnifying symptoms. Four days after moving out, the healing began. Posts: 2007 | From NY/VT Border | Registered: Aug 2010
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posted
I am so sorry you are going through this. of course I feel bad about your and now your son's lyme diagnosis. I've had it for 15 years so know how devastating it can be.
But my heart also breaks for your dog who may not have anything to do with this, and that anger is already directed at him, and sounds like it's sure to increase.
Your husband has anger at your dog. Is it the dog he's mad at or is it the illness? Will he direct his anger at you if the dog is gone? Just thinking out loud too.
The relationship I was in when I first became sick did not last. And he was very angry at me for being sick, it was palpable at times.
I will pray for you, your family, and your dog that some peaceful solution can be found.
Posts: 857 | From northern california | Registered: Dec 2009
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i could never ever have had my dog put down. of course tho mike loved her, maybe more, than i did. she was so spoiled.
i believe she had lyme in additional to her heart problems, or maybe the lyme gave her heart problems.
pets are our children and should be treated as such.
if your husband is that determined to get rid of the dog, i hope he does not do something hateful. just saying...like harming the poor thing.
if you had it put down, you would never forgive yourself.
unfortunately nowadays the shelters are overrun with unwanted pets and most ended up being put to sleep.
if you want to save your marriage and keep peace, i'm sorry the poor baby will have to go. your son has lyme.
is your husband going to continue to blame you when it comes treatment time?
you've in a tough boat.
i hope he has more compassion further down the road.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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LabRat
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 78
posted
I would think you understand how serious it would be for your marriage if you listen and then act on information or advice coming from outside your marriage that countered your husband's wishes. He'll go postal and an old dog will be the least of your problems. A marriage can stand just about anything except outside interference. The fact that you still have the dog sounds like your husband is going against his better judgment and deferring to your wishes. I'm just saying.......
Posts: 1887 | From Corpus Christi, Texas | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
I'm just putting out my thoughts, that came instantly.
Do you really think, an act like this can safe your marriage? I think, acting against your soul might make you not not forgive yourself (or him) deep down.
It might be good to give yourself some time of thinking about it and to sleep over it in order not to overreact and doing s.th. you may later regret.
Posts: 269 | From Germany | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
Thank you all for your sweet thoughts and prayers.
I did have the dog tested for Lyme shortly after my dx in an effort to prove his innocence. He was negative, but my husband still believes his shaggy fur is how the tick managed to hitch a ride into the house.
My husband has always harbored some resentment toward the dog (I think just b/c I had the dog first), but having this disease has given him a good reason to really blame him and hate him for something specific.
I am thinking of asking my parents to keep him for a week or so until I can get the nerve to tell my husband of my son's results. I guarantee the dog would have a bullet in his head if he were home when husband found out.
My parents can't keep him long term, but then I can see for sure if there is any way to recover our marriage even without the dog.
I do think husband blames me deep down because after all, I am the one who let a dog live indoors when he personally never thought a dog should live inside.
So yes, he will likely blame me for our son's illness and it could be the end for us.
Thanks again for all of the great thoughts...it helps me not feel quite so alone in all of this.
Posts: 47 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2010
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
tired, i am so very sorry.
i'm going to say this and i hope everyone understands.
if he blames you for your son's illness, then i will hold out little hope that he can get over it.
he's already blaming an innocent pet and now he's going to blame you.
there are more issues here than we understand.
i am so very sorry for you. i've had my problems as many know, but it's not too bad now.
i've learned to just put my foot down and once told him "go ahead, get the lawyer, i'm ready, go for it". called his bluff. but it's been very hard.
i hope you can look inside yourself and find the strength for what you must do.
and she's right, outside sources never help a marriage.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Is it the dog he's mad at or is it the illness? Will he direct his anger at you if the dog is gone? Just thinking out loud too.
- I think he's really mad at the illness... and dogmom has a good point in both questions.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
I told my husband before we were serious, that he better never ask me to chose between him or my animals, because he would be gone.
I had this happen once before we were married and hubby left, not the dog.
I think its really wrong to get rid of or Put your dog to sleep because your hubby will be mad. I would tell hubby to take a hike before that would ever happen.
You cant get lyme from general contact with a pet.
This is a no brainer for me.
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
our baby, who was 76 pounds, slept between us in a queen size bed!!!
we would wake up and keep our eyes closed. now she knew we were awake and we could feel her breathe on our face.
then we'd crack one eye open and "slurp"---she had us....
she'd have her face right up against our nose.
she was my baby (i've never had children). i grieve for her every single day and it's been three years now.
i believe God sent her to me, pure and simple.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
You go, Merrygirl!! I agree, you don't get lyme from dogs. From my experience (20 yrs 24/7 walking with off leash dogs in the woods..groups, every day, the ticks don't leave the dogs to get to a human. They prefer dogs, so if your dog brings a tick in, that tick is feeding off the dog, not you. Someone needs to educate your hubby. if you have lyme, you got it outside from a hungry tick, who would have prefered to hop onto an animal and stay on that animal.
Beagle
Posts: 348 | From MA | Registered: Dec 2010
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I have never been good at hiding my feelings so my husband could tell something was wrong the minute he got home.
I had been praying all day and had friends praying to prepare his heart for the news.
It worked! Truly a miracle based on previous behavior. He took it all well I think bc he doesn't know much about lyme other than what I have been through.
He just sees our son with no obvious symptoms and is choosing to believe there is not an active infection.
He did not even mention getting ridof the dog again.
Obviously I am still going to take my son to a llmd and go from there but my stomach is slightly more calm for the evening.
For the record I agree husband is angry at the disease and my poor furbaby is just easy to blame.
Thank u all for the support today.
Posts: 47 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2010
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nefferdun
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 20157
posted
Your husband has misplaced anger. It is impossible for the dog to give you or your child lyme. The engorged tick would have to fall off of him and latch onto you.
Does your dog even have any symptoms of lyme? Even if your dog is sick it is probably where you live that is to blame. Hand your husband a chain saw and have him take his anger out on the shrubs in your back yard.
Your husband needs counciling to find out what is really bothering him. He is probably just jealous of your affection for your dog because he doesn't share it.
Good thing your dog is not a child from a previous marriage! And OMG if that child had lyme he would be convinced he/she was responsible for passing it to you. He sounds abusive.
You need to stand up to this man. Maybe he could accompany you to your next LLMD appointment to verify it is really not the dog's fault.
I am sorry about your child's diagnosis. You sure don't need to deal with your husbands stupidity making things worse.
-------------------- old joke: idiopathic means the patient is pathological and the the doctor is an idiot Posts: 4676 | From western Montana | Registered: Apr 2009
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quote:Originally posted by tiredmom21: I had been praying all day and had friends praying to prepare his heart for the news.
It worked! Truly a miracle based on previous behavior. He took it all well I think bc he doesn't know much about lyme other than what I have been through.
- The power of prayer is so amazing!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
tiredmom - Have not seen anyone mention using frontline on your dog every month, we have many ticks in our area and when I am careful about keeping up with the frontline every month we hardly ever find ANY ticks on our dog. We also put in underground wire/fence and keep a collar on our dog to keep him in the cut areas of our yard. It took a little training but works great.
Just a couple of suggestions and so happy to hear it went so well for you !!
Posts: 448 | From minnesota | Registered: Feb 2010
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lululymemom
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 26405
posted
I agree with merrygirl and nefferdun. I would never let someone tell me what to do with a lifelong companion. I sense some misplaced anger and jealousy on his part. I have a feeling if you have to treat your son, you won't be hearing the end of it anytime soon. Truly unfortunate.
Bartonella henselae 1:100 Posts: 2027 | From British Columbia | Registered: Jun 2010
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TerryK
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 8552
posted
Even if the dog carried a tick into the house he cannot be blamed anymore than you can be blamed for unkowingly passing lyme to your son.
I would NEVER get rid of my dog for anyone and in fact I would be angry and upset that a person who loves me would ask me to do something that would hurt me so much and probably leave a deep wound in my soul.
He could do his part by doing regular tick checks on the dog.
I'm sorry you and your son have lyme and that you even need to think about getting rid of your dog.
Posts: 6286 | From Oregon | Registered: Jan 2006
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
Actually k9 advantix is a better product than frontline to use on dogs.
Apply every 3 weeks in heavy tick season
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
I have to say it is comforting to see others who feel about their dogs the way I do.
And yes, he has never understood that. He has been jealous from the beginning.
The dog has slept in bed with me since the day I adopted him 12 years ago and the salt in the wound is that with my terrible sleep problems I have had to ask my husband to sleep in the guest room for a while because of his extreme snoring.
I'm glad to hear the about the advantix. I had been using frontline and the dog hasn't had ticks on his body per se, but he does have rather shaggy and wirey hair that brings in leaves, pine needles, etc. frequently.
The assumption my husband makes is that the tick hitched a ride on that fur. I just decided I would keep him cut short from now on to solve that problem.
Thanks again, and yes the power of prayer is amazing...I still can't get over how calm he was when I told him of the test on our son.
Now praying the calmness continues after he is seen my the LLMD.
Posts: 47 | From Texas | Registered: Oct 2010
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