tricia386
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29623
posted
Ugh I swear she doesn't care. I'm 25 I will have been in treatment a year next month. She doesn't think Lyme is a big deal. She thinks all this treatment is stupid. Even though she sees be suffering. I had to navigate this she line thing by myself she thought it was all in my head.
I was CDC nys positive on both igg and igm. Positive for Bart myco and babs too.
I have a wonderful boyfriend of almost six years I don't know what I would do without hinge helps me so much.
But it's not the same help as a parent . She drives and pays forum llmd appts. I see dr.h. But thAts it otherwise she doesn't want to hear it. It just sucks bc all I want is her to console me.
I've given her research and asked get to watch under my skin with me. She can't be bothered. The rest of my family doesn't understand. I'm trying to treat Lyme and work a full time job Im pretty proud of myself .
Sorry I just needed to vent about it. I would never be this way if my child was sick like this.
-------------------- Lyme activated in April 2010 by gardasil vaccine. DX: Lyme,Babs,Myco,Bart 11/10 Treatment Started: 3/28/11 Posts: 1752 | From Albany, NY | Registered: Dec 2010
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Tricky Tickey
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 26546
posted
Tricia, you are doing a great job of managing your illness! I know you must be feeling rejected because your mother won't acknowledge your illness as serious. Was she a loving mother before all this? Or, perhaps, maybe she is afraid of something she doesn't understand.
You have a good support group here, a supportive boyfriend and are continuing to work. I say that all deserves an award for valor!! Congratultions...you will make it.
-------------------- Early Disseminated LD- 2010. Currently doing acupuncture and yoga. Negative Igenex (IND & Pos Bands) ISSUES AFTER: Tendonitis, letter reversal, Low immune system. PREVENTION:SaltC,Iodine,Humaworm, Chiropractic. Posts: 1013 | From In a van down by the river. | Registered: Jun 2010
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tricia386
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29623
posted
Thank you. All I want is for her to take the slightest interest in it. All she cares about is her job and get boyfriend. She never want to talk about it. If it was my kid I'd be doing research offering to make meals etc. I just want her to hug me snd tell me it's gunna be ok.
She was never bet affectionate growing up never really talks about her feelings and stuff.
My boyfriend wants to tell her off bc he's so fed up with how she deals with it.
Makes me so mad I feel like an inconvience to get.
-------------------- Lyme activated in April 2010 by gardasil vaccine. DX: Lyme,Babs,Myco,Bart 11/10 Treatment Started: 3/28/11 Posts: 1752 | From Albany, NY | Registered: Dec 2010
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19974
posted
It hurts worse when it is family that doesn't understand.
Your boyfriend sounds like one in a million! So glad you have him.
Will keep you in my prayers.
Take care and God bless.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
you're doing the best you can. sometimes you just have to let that pony run
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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tricia386
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29623
posted
It just hurts so bad , how she treats this whole thing.
-------------------- Lyme activated in April 2010 by gardasil vaccine. DX: Lyme,Babs,Myco,Bart 11/10 Treatment Started: 3/28/11 Posts: 1752 | From Albany, NY | Registered: Dec 2010
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- It may help to consider that she simply may not be capable of taking this all in and being in the relationship as you want her to be.
If you can let go of all expectations and just see her for who she is, relate to her across the lines she has established or wishes to take up - then you may have some kind of relationship.
It may not be as deep and honest as you'd like but it may just be the best she can do, for reasons that no one is likely to every fully grasp.
Is there anyway that she might consider going to a LL therapist with you? You first, of course to be sure the therapist is a good fit.
This can focus mostly on communication tools. As it's difficult for a lyme patient to always express - stuff (well, my vocab. just went out the window - the fridge just kicked in and thinking is over for now).
I think you get it. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Lauralyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15021
posted
People definitely have limits in their capacity to cope. Your Mom might not be able to cope well with having her daughter sick and it shows in a negative way.
I understand how you feel. It's so disappointing when people don't behave how we think they should.
-------------------- Fall down seven times, get up eight ~Japanese proverb Posts: 1146 | From west coast | Registered: Mar 2008
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
tricia i think what you are going thru is common but not always mom/daughter. it can be husband/wife, brother/sister...etc lots of combos
in my case i am the mom and altho i did all i could to tx my kids they are in denial that they had lyme and discount what i am going thru
many on this board have helped me get thru the pain of having close family-the ones who are supposed to love you--not understand or accept the lyme situation.
the only advice i can give is keep comng here. i dont think the odds are very good you can get her to change...and it is a waste of energy you need to get well to worry about it or try to change it
believe me...i know and many others here know how much it hurts. but you really need to keep doing everything you can to get better.
please take care of yourself and remember we are here
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
posted
You've got company, my friend. My relatives don't seem to be very interested either.
The good thing for you is that she pays and drives. The bad thing is that she doesn't give you any emotional support. Maybe she is not capable of it.
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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Rumigirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15091
posted
poppy is right on. It sounds like she is not capable of being there for you. Please see if you can find a therapist for yourself to help you with all the difficult feelings. There are ways to get therapy help that is inexpensive---through state, city, or hospital programs, for instance. Or training program, where trainees work with patients with supervision.
Anyway, let yourself cry and grieve for the love and caring that you need and want and can't get from her. It sounds like that did not begin with your Lyme illness. And keep coming back here for support.
Is there a local in-person (or even online) lyme support group you can go to? Check it out.
Posts: 3792 | From around | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
I think we get penalized by others if we continue to work while going through all this. People see a capable working person...not the reality.
Posts: 109 | From PA | Registered: Feb 2012
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tricia386
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29623
posted
its just so hard and so sad
-------------------- Lyme activated in April 2010 by gardasil vaccine. DX: Lyme,Babs,Myco,Bart 11/10 Treatment Started: 3/28/11 Posts: 1752 | From Albany, NY | Registered: Dec 2010
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
lymenow-i remember struggling with "so when can i NOT work..."how bad do i have to get...docs and friends would ask me. there isnt an easy answer.
i could get myself to work most days...do an ok job...but i slept during every break and lunch...
when i got home i crashed...paid for help with kids and housework...prioritized so i only did what i couldnt pay someone for
i needed to work or whole family would not have medical benefits...but having close to no relationship with kids cuz i crashed in between work...has come to haunt me now
it IS really hard to make these decisions
tricia-from helping others here i often see those who cannot get to an llmd...you are going to one of the best so that is a lot to be greatful for.
and also your boyyfriend.
if you ever read my posts i would not be a role model for you. lately i am really whining. but its important to try to be aware of the positives and unfortuneatly that things could get worse.
you've got a good doc...i hope you get well soon.
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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lyme in Putnam
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11561
posted
No one can understand this unless they have it, family, friends. That's good your boyfriend gets it. My husband too, but it doesnt compare to a moms comfort. Mine passed away years ago, it's different. Maybe she just can't deal with it, illness isn't an option, it happened. Feel better soon.
-------------------- He took u to it, He'll you through Posts: 2837 | From NE. | Registered: Apr 2007
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tricia386
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 29623
posted
Im gunna said my LLMD an email and ask him to maybe explain how bad this this disease is to her at our next appt.
-------------------- Lyme activated in April 2010 by gardasil vaccine. DX: Lyme,Babs,Myco,Bart 11/10 Treatment Started: 3/28/11 Posts: 1752 | From Albany, NY | Registered: Dec 2010
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AuntyLynn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 35938
posted
Tricia:
I'm sorry to hear that your mother is unable to be "emotionally available" for you. It sounds like it's not that she "won't" it's just that she doesn't have the "capacity" for nurturing and empathy that you do. Some people are simply made this way.
You admit that your mother was never overly affectionate or demonstrative when you were a kid. So why keep punishing yourself, longing for something that just isn't available for you?
I have a brother and sister who have demonstrated to me in the past two years that they are nothing but self-serving vultures. I used to angst for the former "appearance" they once cultivated, that they might actually give a damn for anyone but themselves - but no more.
Since they have shown me their true colors, and I have accepted the fact that they are soul-less people, who are devoid of any human capacity for selflessness or charity, I suffer less. I have given up hoping to change them, nor do I ever anticipate that they might "do the right thing." Because now I know better.
Please don't think that I am implying that your mother fits this category. All I am saying is that people have varying capacities for "Emotional Quotient" (known as "EQ"), just as they have varing capacities for "Intelligence Quotient" (known as "IQ"). You are likely only creating extra stress for yourself in a situation that is already extremely stressful, when you tug at Mommy's hemline, longing for the attention that she is unable to give.
On the other hand, it seems you have a big bundle of blessings in that boyfriend of yours! Try to lean on his strong shoulders a little more, and be grateful for his support and emotional generosity. We all go through growing pains as we transition from childhood to adulthood, and it seems perhaps that you are feeling nothing more than normal emotional growing pains right now. But everything negative in our lives seems much more exaggerated when we are not feeling well.
Concentrate on self-healing, and be good to yourself. Avoiding constant conflicts with your mother might be a good part of that plan.
I hope I am not being too intrusive by sharing these thoughts with you - and I wish you only the best. Including a speedy recovery.
Posts: 1432 | From New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2012
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My father is that way, but goes a step further by telling others I'm faking my illness and there is nothing wrong with me.
My daugher, bless her heart, went losse on him and chewed him up one side and down the other. She told him he only sees me when I'm well enough to get out an move around.
Hang in there!
Posts: 14 | From Minnesota | Registered: Mar 2012
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
i think there have been studies done that show it is worse pain than end stage cancer and gives you less energy than congestive heart failure
some ppl pay attention when you tell them that-im sorry i dont know where studies are now...maybe you could search them
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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tickled1
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14257
posted
My mother and husband started off that way but somehow turned it around after my diagnosis but they still are limited in how well they understand but they are at least supportive now.
My sister on the other hand is a selfish witch. If anyone could help me it was her but she didn't bother. She doesn't have to work b/c she has a rich husband. She'd be nothing without him. Anyway, she has always been selfish so I don't believe she has the capacity to even try to understand what I'm going through. She says she can't be around me b/c I'm too negative. She's a whiny baby about the simplest cold. She should try to imagine having a cold for years on end along with neuro symptoms and then see how positive her attitude would be.
And don't think anyone can truly understand unless they have this disease so at least you/we have LymeNet.
Posts: 2541 | From Northeast | Registered: Jan 2008
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t9im
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25489
posted
Hi Tricia:
I have seen this with many. Maybe if you show my controversy videos it will help.
It's amazing there is a controversy to this insidious disease and I've found it easiest to show a couple of u tube video's on the controversy. Maybe
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