randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
my friend went in for a lung x-ray checkup. found masses and then did a pet scan on spleen. they told her it "glowed". the stupid doctors have convinced her that it's cancer and to have her lung and spleen removed.
she has not had a second opinion but is going downhill fast from all the stress. i mean she's freaking out.
they wanted to do a spleen biopsy but the doctor told her "oh wait, we'll do the biopsy but we're going to have to remove it and the lung anyway, better do it now".
i cna't believe this. i'm trying to convince her to have biopsy and get another opinion at another hospital at least. she's so scared she went back to her general practice doctor and now wants his opinion.
both husband and myself are trying to talk to her but she's already planning on her funeral etc.
i could kill those doctors for telling her it's cancer with no biopsy and no second opinion. she's going to worry herself into an early grave.
anything i can do for her? cause talking ain't working...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Sorry to hear of your friends situation.
Sometime within the past week (or month?) I read that some condition that produces a mass can LOOK like cancer of the lung on X-Ray but it is NOT.
I have no idea where I read that or what the condition was, though. But, what they see as a mass on her X-ray is just that, a mass.
At this point, see needs to find doctors who have worked with masses that turned out to be NOT cancer, not just surgeon ready to cut and not just chemo experts ready to poison.
GLOW?
Not sure what they mean by "it glowed"? That needs clarification. Does it mean its inflamed?
An elderly aunt of mine had pancreas surgery last year for what doctors where sure was cancer. It was not. The surgery damaged her tremendously in many ways. And there was zero cancer. The initial tests and scans were wrong.
The scan showed thickening but it was just that. Misinterpreted.
If I were her, I would not, NOT, race to surgery or even to biopsy as that can be very invasive and have its own risks.
Even if cancer, I would not plan a funeral just yet.
Although we all know that sooner or later our time will come so we do have to be reasonable about that - but her game is not over yet. I'll bet there is much more fun to her to have first.
I would get a RIFE machine, the best I could afford as RIFE has been very helpful in that regard for many. That's how it started and it worked until the pharmaceutical companies ran Royal Rife to the ground to suppress it.
More information is needed before any poking, cutting or chemical agents are used, IMO.
I would also find the best naturopathic doctor expert with treatment of "masses" whether just "masses" or cancer.
NOT a MD who knows a little bit about herbs or vitamins but a ND with four years of medical college just on this focus. And one who works with MDs expert in their fields, too.
Now, after more exploring - IF this looks more like cancer and IF surgery might be required, then those decisions can be approached with comprehensive preparation and support.
It will take a while to work through a more detailed diagnostic process.
You say she's not listening to you. Part of that is from SHOCK. Part from GRIEF.
I hope she is the kind of person who will ask: how else? What else? Those questions and that kind of wonder of exploration before jumping either on the OR table or into the coffin can make a world of difference.
But it puts a world of responsibility on the patient to stand up and move forward for a whole new kind of education process from what we have been conditioned. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
posted
If she won't listen to commonsense advice on getting a second opinion, then I don't think you can help her.
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
she's just freaking out. She's even talking about canceling some trips they had planned and even about taking her Savings,'which is about 50k, out and spending it.
They came up yesterday and she started crying in the Restaurant. Then she got on her cell phone and was trying to get in with this gp doctor the next day saying it was a Life emergency. Mike was ready to kill her By the time we got home. He said she needed a psychiatrist not a doctor.
You're right tho she aint listening to a word I say
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- What about some "oasis time" then. A diversion. Some kind of enjoyment such as a movie, her favorite foods (no doubt with a few jokes like, "oh, might as well have that ice cream, eh?")
She's in shock. And grief. Those are mighty strong force fields. Right now, she likely needs to be transported to another dimension for just a little while (a day or a week).
Now, no matter what is planned or what kind of whim she might want to just take off on - it's going to be strange and the air will be heavy.
Still, maybe make a pact that, for a certain while you will just be there for her, with her, as she needs you.
It's really up to her now to decide what she wants and that includes how to handle the news and in what time frame she will make her next move.
If she gets too stuck, you do some research to find the best cancer support groups in her area and give her the times of the next meetings and offer to drive her and go with her - and for a treat later.
The first thing at the group - or with a private grief counselor - will be to determine the truth.
What's really happening here? You sure? Second opinions will surely be encouraged and they will probably have some ideas of the direction to go.
She may need to be just left alone - if that is her choice.
You could explore a retreat center where she may feel comfortable right now - or a party-hardy beach blanket bingo scene, of sorts.
Ask her to take some time and then tell you how you can best help her right now. It's really her call. Her choice.
I think she has the right to not have to defend her decisions, on the other hand, do let her know that you are there to help explore all options, any options - if that is what might help.
You can ask her to consider (whatever) but then it's up to her. She's the only one who can know.
But, right now, it's just too raw, too new. The physiological shock has kidnapped her for a while. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
To make it worse her husband hears something different!! I wish I knew but right I'm not getting through at all
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Her husband is in shock and grief, too, no doubt. That changes our perceptions and even what we hear, really. Then fear comes and runs away with our brain.
Communication is one of the hardest skills to hone and can result in the most confounding experiences when it gets all tangled.
Focus on LOVE.
Just BE there, even in silence, if that is what they want.
ASK them how you may help or what they need or would like. Ask them along the way how they want to talk about this, follow their leads. We all handle this stuff differently.
JOKE that they can probably get away with a few things right now so they'd better take advantage of this window of opportunity. -
[ 09-07-2012, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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RDaywillcome
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 21454
posted
my sister is in remission from lung cancer and they saw a mass once the cancer was eradicated and found out it was a fungus.
They put her on antibiotics. Not sure why but she's doing o.k.. Definately, get a second opinion.
Posts: 1738 | From over the rainbow | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
You can validate her feelings, that you know she's upset, but then tell her really good second and even third opinions are ALWAYS a good idea for anything major.
Also, sometimes they don't even know until they check on something. I had brain surgery for what was supposed to be a small pituitary tumor, and it wasn't - it was hyperplasia, they did nothing, and nothing ever came of it.
So until we have real info, we don't.
Also, many people who receive a cancer diagnosis do things about it. Ann Wigmore diet comes to mind, also the Cancer Control Society in the Los Angeles area has a lot to teach about wholistic health practices.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
She lives south of fort worth closer to Waco. I told her to go to baylor in Waco and get a second opinion but no she says oh but I like all saints in fort worth.
As my husband says she's not the brightest lamp in the room. I love her dearly but sometimes you just cant get through. She makes up her mind and won't listen to anybody.
I really want her to have a second or third opinion but she's already talking surgery so not much I can do. Plus She's about 75 years old and recovery is not going to be easy
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
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posted
Very frustrating. But people have to take the consequences of their own bad decisions. Good advice falling on deaf ears.
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i called my sister, the radiologist and she said "is she nuts or what?" she was flabbergasted that she would consider surgery with no pet scan or anything.
said she absolutely must have misunderstood and that surgeons, cut, that's what they do, they operate.
she was just astounded that she would consider having a lung and spleen removed at age 72 or 73. said she was crazy to even think she could recover in a month, never going to happen.
all i can say is well s he'll do what she'll do.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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