GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Hi everyone,
I am feeling very depressed and hopeless today.
I think the hornet's sting may have initiated a flare of some kind.
Anyways, for some reason I have got the idea in my mind that I will die from my tbi's. That I am wasting my time treating because I will die from this anyways.
This is not a normal mentality for me.
I just need some support today and maybe words of encouragement to help me get through this flare.
Thank you
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi <<<<< GretaM >>>>>,
Sorry you are having a rough day, I can relate. Sending extra hugs your way!
Earlier this summer, we had a fire ant invasion, we woke up to ants in the bedroom,living room,kitchen and front bath, and I got stung/bit in three spots.
I think the stress of a bite or sting, can make us feel really miserable.
And moon tides do different things to some of us as well, there is a New moon on the fifth, and a Full moon coming for the 19th.
I don't know if the New moon could have an effect,but it might?!! Perhaps differing tides and changes in gravitational pull, w/ the strain from the hornet sting.
I know the ant stings, have made me miserable,and then running out of one of my standard go to supplements didn't help. And I have felt super down the last couple days.
Hows your weather? it's been super muggy,flood prone here in the desert. I know i keep feeling like my brain is all muzzy swollen...head hurts,and sinuses too!!!
Glad you mentioned feeling down, this is a great place to come,vent, and check in!!!
LymeNet folk, are great,because they can understand our situations!!!
Prayers going up: Lord, Greta, is feeling rough right now, please touch her w/Your loving peace, and let her know how much she is cared about and loved. In Jesus Name Amen!!!
This dark time will pass, I know I'll get to feeling better too... don't give up, I'm believing soon you'll be smiling again soon!!!
I'll check back in later on!
Jus' Silverwolfi here
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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surprise
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 34987
posted
These feelings will pass, I promise! Hang in there---- get through, and remember, you are only feeling this way
RIGHT NOW, but you will NOT feel this way forever!
Yesterday I went to get an EKG, because for the first time in my life, I had heart palpatations-
So, tears in my eyes, I just kept repeating positive affirmations to myself (Louise Hays has some good ones) 'All is well in my life, all is well in my life'
that, and praying to God, was me yesterday- You know what? Feel pretty good today! Sitting with a castor oil pack, and everything :-)
So, you hang in there, and talk back to that 'stinking thinking'
-------------------- Lyme positive PCR blood, and positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011. low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012. Update 7/16- After extensive treatments, doing okay! Posts: 2518 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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posted
Gretam your so helpful and caring to others its ok to take a ride on the its all bad train but only one ride we need you feel better
Posts: 47 | From new england | Registered: Jul 2013
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BoxerMom
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 25251
posted
How about this fact? I've had Lyme for 54 yrs, 42 of them without treatment. I am fine today!
(well, except for the candida/yeast!!)
YOU CAN GET WELL!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Jane2904
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15917
posted
Greta, Hang in there
You will get better!!
So sorry you are having a rough day.
Hugs to you
Posts: 1357 | From Massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2008
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Thanks so much for your kind words, and words of encouragement and support everyone.
I read them and cried and laughed at the same time.
Good to get some emotion out beside the crying.
Had some cries in the bathroom at work again. Just feel incompetent at my job since the neuro symptoms started. Feel like the village idiot the last few days. I don't like to see that "look" in my coworkers eyes. Not sure if it's pity or sympathy or annoyance or impatience...but I just don't like it.
Then I got on the "what if this is as good as it gets" track, and then the "this infection is going to kill me. Slowly but surely." track.
That kind of thinking snowballs.
It really means a lot to me for your kind words and even though I know some of you are so sick-thanks for taking the time to write me.
Don't have much of a support system at all and so your kind words (and cartoon puppy) and hundred hugs helped boost me up.
And I just had a chocolate frosty. Small.
Not good for the lyme but some emotional eating was in order.
Thanks again for your kind and gentle words of encouragement and compassion.
Much appreciated.
Greta
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
More hugs for our <<<<< GretaM. >>>>>,
So many times one or more of us needs a hug,and encouragement.
I wish we had a safe Lyme Camp,and we could all meet,hug,and pray. And just get to know one another.
Silverwolfi here
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Gretam are you almost feeling better? Cause I'm next feel good
Posts: 47 | From new england | Registered: Jul 2013
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Silverwolf-That Lyme Camp sounds great!
Yes, Gonzo, I'm feeling better. I'm off the train.
Thanks to the kind words from everyone and all the hugs.
Sure makes a positive difference in my life...all of you and this forum.
Don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you folks on here. Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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dbpei
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33574
posted
Greta, I so understand what you are going through. Around a month ago, I was so discouraged. I thought that I was going to die from this illness, too. And I wondered (still do)if this is the best I will ever be.
Do you work full time? I only work part time and I even find that difficult - as I look perfectly normal, but feel so different from everyone else inside. Each task is a lot of work for me because of all of the strange symptoms I have to cope with while trying to do my job.
I have a strong work ethic and try to do a really good job. This takes its toll on me in the work place because my work is usually fine with only occasional mistakes. But the effort put forth is so much more than what I would have had to extend before this illness.
Every now and then, I get those looks from co-workers as well. They know I have lyme, but I get the feeling they think I am not all there when I have word finding problems or forget things.
My boss and co-workers do not understand what I am going through, but I have found it easiest to just try and do my job and not talk about my experience. My work is paying for my treatment! I don't know what I would do without my husband's support.
I am so glad you are doing better today. Thanks for sharing your thoughts because I know it helped me to know that someone else is experiencing a similar journey. By writing, you probably helped more people than you know.
Posts: 2387 | From New England | Registered: Aug 2011
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Catgirl
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 31149
posted
Getting stung by a hornet would make anyone feel terrible. I think you are treating parasites too (they mess with the mind). Hang in there Greta. :)
-------------------- --Keep an open mind about everything. Also, remember to visit ACTIVISM (we can change things together). Posts: 5418 | From earth | Registered: Mar 2011
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Dbpei- thank you for sharing your work experience.
I feel in a similar boat. Work my tail off with effort to the max, but don't feel like I accomplish much.
The thing that most affects my job is I need to take notes of what others say to me, as I forget within 30 seconds or so, if it is fairly technical.
Also I can no longer multitask-can only handle one tast at a time or I get confused.
I still do my job with the same diligence but don't feel very efficient.
And sometimes I do screw up or forget where I am and it is embarassing.
I work 40-50 hours a week. Used to be more but can't do it these days.
If I don't work full time then I can't afford treatment or my home.
So I feel I am in a bind.
And there is always that fear that my coworkers will have enough and will say something to my boss and I will be asked to go.
And yesterday I was in the mindset of, "who would hire an employee who is seriously ill and dying?"
No one. So that's where the stinking thinking (thanks surprise!) came in.
Catgirl-i wonder if the parasites are playing a part in this mood. I know they're dying off so probably excreting a bunch of toxins in the process.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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dbpei
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33574
posted
Greta, my heart goes out to you. I don't know how you do it, working that many hours! You are a strong person!
Parasite treatment could definitely play a part in all of this. I hope that 'stinking thinking' goes away and stays away for a long time!
Posts: 2387 | From New England | Registered: Aug 2011
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Rivendell
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19922
posted
I sure do know those feelings of hopelessness. But they do pass.
Life can and will give you roses too!
I hope your sting is being treated.
Posts: 1358 | From Midwest | Registered: Apr 2009
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Kudzuslipper
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 31915
posted
{{{{{ Greta}}}}}} just chalk it up to a bad day. I agree that you are always so upbeat and helpful. It is really hard to work with this disease. But your doing it. Yay! I bet you are doing a great job. But I totally get the paranoia about co workers not wanting to deal any more. You walk on eggshells fearful that at any moment, someone says enough.
Hang in there kiddo. We're here and this will pass.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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posted
Been there....and I had co-workers wanting me to fail so they could get ahead.
I went directly to boss when I knew what was wrong w/me. Thank goodness his wife was a nurse and told him I must be superwoman to do my job w/this disease.
So after that, I didn't worry about others and it took a load off of my shoulders. If they went to the boss, he would have ripped them a new one. (Of course, we had a 10 year working relationship to fall back on). He knew I was pushing harder than anyone to get the job done.
May not be applicable for you...just my own experience. I had to leave 2 years later, of my own accord and disintegrating health. Applied for SSDI and got it. (Boss was one of the people who wrote letters for me as back up).
Glad you are feeling better!
Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Kudzuslipper
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 31915
posted
Hi Greta. Hope the weekend gave you some R&R. Hope your feeling better.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
greta, that's too much...whoa...
i'm down too. i've lost my friends juanita, ann and ann's mom...
nobody to really talk to or do things with. and i don't count husband cause i can only talk hunting and fishing so much you know??
these walls get kind of lonely so i understand alot.
think i'll go home in october. i know they'll expect me to be doing a ton, but hey, at least i'll have company and all...and i like to shop and eat out and they have a wonderful hospital up there. just have to watch the ole funds. but i need it.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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