posted
Hi all, This is my first post on Lymenet as I'm new to the whole Lyme community. Hopefully someone reads this and has some helpful advice
I'm in a friend's wedding next weekend, and my husband and I are traveling by car about 8 hours one way to get there. We'll be away a total of 3 days. I'm curious to know others' advice on the following, especially if you've been there/done that ~
- How do you handle food over the course of a weekend? I'm on a special diet for my Lyme that makes it basically impossible to eat out anywhere, even "healthy" restaurants. Would you suggest packing a cooler with enough food for the weekend?
And what about at the wedding rehearsal and wedding day/reception? Just hope for the best and don't say anything to be polite? Or cheat the diet?
- The bride wants all of the bridesmaids to wear matching (4") heels. I am quite tall for a woman, and never wear heels so this is already a challenge for me.
In addition, one of my biggest symptoms is joint/muscle pain in and around my knees and feet. Do any Lyme Ladies have any advice on me here?
I actually bought a similar styled flat to bring with me just in case, and I'm even considering asking the bride at the rehearsal dinner if she's okay with me just wearing them instead. I think my feet would thank me PS I have the shoes and have "practiced" with them, and they definitely do hurt.
- Finally, I'm concerned about having a generally bad day(s) while there, i.e. terrible migraine. Especially with traveling... Any general tips or encouragement with this would be appreciated, even if you tell me to just suck it up and put on my game face for the sake of the bride/groom.
Thanks for reading...
.................................................Breaking up the text into a couple lines for easier reading for many here -
posted
Welcome to Lymenet! And thanks for asking us.
My experience - I have collapsed if I try to do what everyone can do. I have learned the hard way that I have to take care of me so I can be most present to others for the event.
So yes, I'd say be in charge of your own food. Do you know whether you can cheat at all and get away with it? If a little, ok. but if not, it's called taking care of yourself.
It could be a good idea to let the bride know in advance that you want to do what others are doing but that it's difficult for you to do so, and to discuss what kinds of accommodations can be made.
For example, perhaps you can stand in your flats so that you don't stand out from all the other bridesmaids - ie put you in the best order.
Re traveling - is there anything that you know to do to prevent migraines, like wear something over your eyes, or break up the trip into smaller travel intervals?
Also, dealing with others when we're presenting differently: I have found that staying relaxed, smiling and gracious helps others stay at ease with us. Acknowledging, like oh yes, I've love to do that, but I am more comfortable this way...
And every once in awhile, somebody surprises me back with their Lyme story, or someone else's, or even another health condition they're dealing with. Remember, not knowing about each other's health challenges goes both ways...
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Tell her you have a handicap ... so therefore you are unable to wear the high heels.
I am afraid you could injure yourself because your ankles may give out. You could break your ankle!!
Take what food you can and try not to let yourself get hungry, because then you will cave when you see all the good food at the wedding!!
Good luck. Travel is so hard on someone who is ill. Take good care of yourself!
DEFINITELY wear the flats at the reception. Put the heels on for pics.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
Judie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38323
posted
As for the shoes, I'd begin with a statement like, "I hate to bother you with this, but I have knee and foot problems and really can't wear heals without pain and possibly falling over. I thought a lot about this and would like to wear these flats instead. It's quite likely I'll fall over in the heals which would be bad for everyone. (I could wear the heals just for the ceremony if that's important to you)."
Just leave the ceremony part out of the above if you don't want to wear the heals for that or bring it up later if you think it's doable.
Then see what she has to say.
I do believe it's the bride's big day and that she should have things the way that she likes (a lot of women dream about their big wedding day and it's very important for it to go right with all the stressful planning that goes into it). Just be sensitive to that but firm in what you need at the same time.
Hopefully she'll be reasonable and see your point of view. Just emphasize the image of falling over (hopefully she'll realize that would be way worse than the look of everyone wearing the same shoes).
If she's requiring all of you to wear 4" heals, I don't know if the "pain reason" will be enough. Comfort doesn't sound like her priority.
If you sound wishy washy like you're asking permission to wear the flats, who knows what the bride will say. She may be very set on a certain look and if you present the problem in a "passive" tone, it might not be taken seriously.
Just be assertive and polite, but not too aggressive since it really is her day. I hope that makes sense.
As for diet, that is such an individual decision.
If it were me, I'd eat what I want and consider it a break.
I think it really depends on how much the gut is has been a factor in your healing.
The extreme diet doesn't work for me. I'm allergic to most of the foods on there anyway and my body thrives on dairy.
Maybe bring some foods that travel well, like nuts, carrots and other things to snack on so you don't starve if there are really not options at the wedding.
Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged |
GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Brides are already nuts.
I would tell her (with as much notice as possible), you can't wear heels.
Period.
She should be more concerned with you honoring her special day by you BEING there, not by wearing some stupid heels.
Which, if you have migraines, I am assuming neuro lyme. You will hurt yourself wearing those heels.
Flashing cameras and everyone will be overheated. You will have the fatigue from travelling, also from being in a strange place. People will be wearing cologne and aftershave...honestly, DO NOT put those heels on. It is a broken or badly sprained ankle waiting to happen.
If she throws a hissy, tell her you can't make it.
Seriously. If a friend prefers you to break and ankle rather than look exactly like everyone else in the linup-she is not a true friend.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
| IP: Logged |
Judie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38323
posted
I agree with giving the bride PLENTY of notice if you don't want to wear the heels. If it's really important that her bridesmaid's be matching, I'd then gracefully decline being a bridesmaid because it's too difficult for you, but that you would like to be a guest at the wedding.
This way you will have the freedom to leave when you need to and to wear the shoes you need to.
Part of being a bridesmaid is attending to the bride's needs (whatever they may be). It's a job at the wedding and it has a lot of responsibility. Part of it is making sure the bride is happy.
I don't agree with the comments that all brides are nuts. Perhaps the bride isn't aware of the OP's limitations. Perhaps this is VERY important to her to have a certain look. Who knows why this is a priority to her, but it is.
I've had some very good friend's get married and I did not want to be part of the bridal party because I knew my disabilities would not make it possible to be available in the ways the bride would need.
I helped out in other ways as a friend.
Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged |
Thank you so much for your input on this topic, it helped so much! Sorry I didn't update sooner... but the wedding weekend ended up going pretty well. It was EXHAUSTING and a lot of work, but in the end I survived
For those who gave input on the shoes, I ended up wearing the flats I had purchased. My friend (the bride) was cool with it - I waited too long to mention it to her, but in the end it worked just fine. I slipped the crazy heels on just once for a quick picture. My feet were in such pain from my normal shoes, so it was such a relief, and good decision, to not do the heels.
As for food, my husband and I lived out of a cooler most of the weekend, which worked out splendidly. I did "cheat" for half of the big day, primarily at the wedding reception, which I regretted for sure. There was a live band which greatly aggravated my already formed migraine, and on top of it, the reception food surely did not agree with my poor tummy. (The band was awesome, it was just loud, and I don't do well with loud noise.) I got really sick, and the food made me vomit, but that was at the very end of the night - again, lucky.
All in all, I learned a few lessons. If I had known what my health condition would be at the time I was asked to stand for my friend, I would have declined the opportunity. As it was, I didn't know I had Lyme at the time, and surely couldn't have anticipated the treatment phase bringing so much hardship.
Thanks to your advice, and my awesome husband's help, I am getting through.
Posts: 17 | From Wisconsin | Registered: May 2014
| IP: Logged |
Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
Bravo! For being a dear friend, and managing the whole event, though with a lot of discomfort.
That bride owes you big time! (just kidding.) Ann - OH
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic