phyl6648
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28522
posted
I feel like I am going completely crazy. Its been 16 months since I lost my husband of 32 years.
Thank God during his brief illness of 5 weeks I was able to care for him and didn't have a lyme symptom and did okay the first few months afterwards but now my anxiety/depression and symptoms have me back in bed along with the grief being much worse. I do hope no one has experienced this but in case would love any input..
Jordana
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 45305
posted
I am so sorry for your loss.
In my spiritual tradition, we're taught that the experience of loss of all kinds is the opportunity for wisdom, since at some point we all have to lose our innocence. In the end we lose everything -- on the other hand, we lose nothing, because we really had nothing to begin with.
It must be very hard to process this loss while you are also at a disadvantage physically and mentally. But maybe -- I've had this thought myself -- the loss of power in your body is an opportunity to metabolize your grief so that you can heal from very very deep within.
Someone once wrote that depression isn't necessarily something we need to get out of. It might be something we need to go deeply into so that we can *see* what is in there, what is down there, and understand it.
You will not have the "luxury" I suppose of distracting yourself with lots of activity, as some people do, because you're sick. Instead you are being afforded the "luxury"of truly stopping what you are doing to comprehend and metabolize all that came before.
Rest and trust that your life is taking good and orderly direction and that your healing is guided and protected by all the angels .
Posts: 2057 | From Florida | Registered: Feb 2015
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posted
It takes a long time to get through loss of a loved one. If anything, your feelings are a tribute to them.
One of the things I found helpful to do after a loss was to take a walk and talk to them, like they were there with me. Just to have a conversation with them again meant a lot to me.
I know, each of us has to process in our own way.
Maybe make your own special Valentine's card for them?
Maybe do things your spouse would want you to be doing. We honor people in our lives that way.
Ok, one more idea - I write when I'm going through something. Get it down on paper. Sometimes other voices come in, and then I recognize who that voice is and let them talk. Sometimes the writing or the dialoguing can take pages, but usually at the end of that process, I've come to a clearer place in myself.
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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dbpei
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33574
posted
phyl, do you have any friends who have also lost their spouses? Would you consider joining a support group for widows/widowers? Sometimes it helps so much to know you are not alone.
I am sorry you are also suffering more physically these days. You must have been very strong during those difficult weeks before your husband's passing. This kind of stress had to have taken a toll on you physically and emotionally.
Are there any Lyme support groups in your area? That would be another place to get some much needed support. Sending hugs Posts: 2386 | From New England | Registered: Aug 2011
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