If you have a table with 21 odds and ends, and one falls off, what was it, an odd or and end?
(evidently my pain meds and coffee are kicking in)
Did you hear about the little boy who swallowed a silver dollar?
No change yet.
(Steve1906 rescue me!)
-------------------- I have a good time wherever I go! Posts: 665 | From Lost Wages, NV | Registered: May 2006
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
. Tx, You always make me laugh!!!!
Donkey In The Well
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back and bit the **** out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Steve
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
Definition of tact: Cap’t says “Sgt., go tell Smith his wife died.”
Sgt. goes to find Smith with the rest of the platoon and says, “Hey Smitty, your wife is dead.”
Of course Smitty goes into hysterics and has to be hospitalized. Cap’t calls the Sgt. in and tells him, “What is wrong with you??!? You have to break news like that to folks gently! You need to use tact!”
“Yessir” says the Sgt.
“Now go tell Jones his mama passed away, and remember USE TACT!”
Sgt. finds the platoon and calls them to formation and says, “Everyone with a Mama take one step forward. Jonesy – not so fast.”
-------------------- I have a good time wherever I go! Posts: 665 | From Lost Wages, NV | Registered: May 2006
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up.
He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"
Steve
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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