Funny, before I became infected, I knew this to be true. Quiet time was so important to me. Of course, there was always music playing in the background...but that is another story.

Anyway, as I became more ill, I tried to occupy my mind and time with numerous endeavors...some wise, and some foolish...but, that is another story as well.

The more I tried to do...the less I actually accomplished. I was caught in the fast forward mode of LD obsessive/ compulsive behaviors.

Somehow, I had forgotten MY center in the world around me, and I lost the skill of quite listening. Listening to the sounds of nature, listening to the needs of others around me, and the most difficult loss...listening to myself.

Now, I am slowly learning this lost skill again with the help of adequate treatment and always, with the help of others.

Today...find a time just for yourself. Turn off the TV, send the kids out to play, unplug the phone, yes, you can leave the music on if you wish...but, give quite listening another chance.

(thanks lightfoot )

This is a nice thought Mountain Girl...

Thanks!

I will try to think of it today when I am in the FREEZING cold and nasty wind... trying to drive while my truck blows all over the roads.. to get into a stinking house that the hurricane destroyed and do some more cleaning and painting.

Maybe I can focus on the quiet picture in my mind... that you put there this morning.

Hey... without this post.. I wouldn't have even tried.

Thanks!

Don't you just love movies where the under-dog prevails? You know the ones, the guy who lost his girl...the kid who lost her father...the dog that lost his owner...

Each one looking to find their footing...

Each one, struggling to find their way home again.

The art of bouncing back comes more easily to some than others.

I've always thought that it had something to do with your hard wiring from the get-go...now, I am not so sure.

My road on my lyme journey has taken me on some pretty amazing detours from my past abilities to be able to bounce back quickly with each knock down.

Sometimes, there are just orange cones in the way that you can go around...sometimes, there are potholes that were hidden until driven over...and, sometimes, I still get lost in unfamiliar neighborhoods and find nothing but dead ends.

It is at those times, that I lose my footing and feel as if I'll never get righted again.

Let's face it...we have all been knocked down more times than we care to admit with this illness...

But, I've learned that if you are feeling really lost, you can always ask for directions home.

And, if you just sit through the movie long enough...there usually is a happy ending that made the cost of the popcorn well worth it.

(thanks lightfoot )

Or about how to survive if you are caught in the undertow of an ocean currrent and are being swept out to sea. That's when they teach you to turn and "go with the flow" so-to-speak -- to turn and swim with the current. It will eventually bring you back up to the surface again, very far away from the shoreline where you were swept off your feet by the strong waves and currents.

If you flail about and fight against the force of the strong current, then you will drown for sure. You will exhaust yourself and use up all your oxygen just fighting in a panic mode.

The only way to survive when being inundated time and time again by waves that keep knocking you down is simply to remember these lessons in survival swimming taught by the Red Cross.

Believe me, during our decades-long endurance of this horrible nightmare, 2.5 decades without a proper Lyme diagnosis, I've had more than enough chances to rehearse those mental images of "survival swimming".

For me, the most difficult periods are those times AFTER the worse of a long crisis has finally passed. That's when I start to relax and let down, and that's when the fatigue and depression really hit me the hardest.

I can somehow manage to survive the intense periods of stress by living on adrenalin, but when the stress finally lets up, that's when I crash hard.

It can sometimes take me several weeks or longer, several months maybe, to come back out of one of those "funky funks".

I've learned that these are the times that I need to restore my soul by resting and giving into these feelings of deep fatigue and the sense of depression that goes along with it.

By doing so, then I'm ready again for the next huge crisis when it hits.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's perfectly OK to be depressed and not to feel guilty for being that way. It helps me to remember that the Bible has a chapter on Lamentations, because people through the ages who have lived during trying times have had to learn to cope with the despair that such trials and tribulations of life can bring with them.

For me, rest is always the ultimate means of restoring my soul. Not even cheery, upbeat books will do when I'm really down in the depths of depressive fatigue -- because at those times I don't even have the concentration to read anything more than one-line quips and quotes.

I keep a collection of these one-liners just for such times as those.

And when I can't even focus on a one-line quote, that's when I try to focus on the image of the survival swimming exercises from the Red Cross manual.

I try not to dig myself in any deeper into the rut by spinning my wheels or by flailing about and fighting the water.

I try simply to let the buoyancy of the water, which is about to drown me, buoy me back up to the surface again slowly and gradually.

We all hits these rough spots along the way, and we sometimes have to travel over the same rough spots again and again.

Well, "practice makes perfect". We should all become pretty good at it before this long Lyme journey is finally over.

Hey, that reminds me about Montel Williams' book, "Climbing Higher". If you can concentrate enough to read that, then start with the last chapter first.

Montel's book really has a lot to teach us, but I warn you, the first couple of chapters might be too depressing for you unless you are already in a good place yourself -- so skip the first chapters and save those until later when you can handle it.

Skip to the last chapter, instead, and enjoy the strength which you will draw from reading it first. That is, if you aren't so down that you can't concentrate to read anything at all.

If so, then save Montel's book for later, so you have something to look forward to reading when you get back up to the surface of the water again so that you can get a fresh grasp of air and focus your eyes and mind enough to be able to read once again.

During the last week, I have found myself praying a lot.

I was raised in church, after church, after church, ...after church.
Each one a different religion...different customs...different philosophies.

Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Morman, Lutheran, etc.

I have friends that are all of these, and friends that are Atheist, Wiccan, Jewish, Buddhist, Native American...well, you get the point.

In college, my curiosity continued as I studied various world religions too...and I still can't resist stopping everything anytime I see Joseph Campbell on PBS speaking of mythology.

The interesting thing that I discovered though along the way was that the message was all the same...

And it is just not organized religion that I am referring to here. The message moves beyond the confines of symbols, walls and benches.

Some call it coincidence
Some call it serendipity
Some call it luck
Some call it good Karma
And, some call it destiny

It is all an expression of the good that happens to us and through us in this lifetime...and beyond.

There are many terms for this power for good...many ways to find your peace with your God and yourself...many ways to live on this earth...many ways to celebrate the joy in life...

so what does it matter really the approach?

(thanks lightfoot )

Ahhhhh...

VACATION TIME!
In my book, this is as essential as bread and water (OK, OK...low carb bread )

When the day to day-ness of everyday life gets the best of us-
When the smallest problems begin to seem insurmountable-
When the things that usually bring a smile to our faces don't even work any longer- (including hot french fries and cold kitty noses)

It is way past time for a large or small vacation...even if only for five minutes...
In order to revert to a more serious pursuit of simple childhood pleasures.

My youth, like many of yours I'm sure...was over before it began. Family circumstances did not allow for a normal care-free existence.

At one, I was living with my grandparents,
at five, with my estranged father,
at thirteen, first on the streets and then in a state group home,
and at seventeen, finally on my own.

When I began college, I gravitated towards Art Education...and worked my way through by being a nanny to two darling kiddos.

Once married, my own family consisted of step children and nine beautiful grandchildren.

It was during this phase in life that I discovered what I had missed out on all of those previous years...the pure JOY of simple childhood play!

I learned that the art of creative imaginative thinking, unencumbered by life's grown-up responsibilities, is a wonderful outlet for releasing stresses and concerns...
and I have tried to remember how essential this is to my well being and book it as a vacation at anytime I feel things start to fall apart once more.

So, I may not be able to join in any organized grown-up activities right now that require too much skill or too much stamina...
but, I can certainly sit down with a child or a child at heart...and play, dream, sing, tell stories, laugh, hug, and feel much more alive...
and yes, much better for the experience.

``I was so much older then...I'm younger than that now'' -Bob Dylan

(thanks lightfoot )

I have always felt so sorry for those who are cynical, pessimistic, and suspicious by nature.

I do not think that we are born this way...so, perhaps `by nature' is inappropriate.
By choice, then.

They must have, at some point in their lives, been hurt very deeply by someone that they loved, someone that they trusted...
and it closed the door to life's wonder for them.

They put up a shield so that no pain could ever penetrate and destroy what was left of their heart.

We have all been damaged in one way or another by life's little cruelties...
No one escapes unscarred.

The choices that we make and the way in which we deal with the consequences of those choices are what life is really all about to me.
We all make countless mistakes everyday.

When I am having a really hard day, I am afraid to leave the house, or to attend class, or to use the phone...
Because I know I will get lost, or not understand the assignment, or hurt someone's feelings unintentionally.

Are we quick to defend what we know was a mistake due to shame or embarrassment...
Or do we admit to being flawed, admit to being human, ask for forgiveness, learn the lesson presented, hope for a better day tomorrow, and move on?

Yes, it is true that some things just happen to us that were NOT by our choice.
And no, it is not fair...we did not deserve it...and it does suck.

BUT...we do still HAVE a choice with how we respond.
For every one hardship placed in our path there are one million wonderful gifts surrounding us that we sometimes fail to focus on...

So, today...
What will you choose?

Is your glass always in need of filling?

And what color are your glasses that you look through anyway?

(thanks lightfoot )

My choice is just to thank you for being you.
It is so nice to open a post like this - so thank you!

Like Tx Lyme Mom, I collect short, meaningful quotes, too.
Your latest reminds me of the one that says:
"An optimist sees opportunity in every calamity.
A pessimist sees calamity in every opportunity."

But with your willingness to share, you remind me of a wonderful saying by Danny Thomas:
"There are two kinds of people in this world - - GIVERS and TAKERS.
TAKERS may eat better, but GIVERS sleep better."

This is a nice thread

I, too, love the quiet.

The sight of a child's smile
The feel of sun on my back
The smell of cedar wood burning
The sound of Canadian geese overhead
The knowing that all will be well whatever the outcome

For these few things and so many more...I am truly grateful.

Expressing gratitude openly is one of the single most precious gifts that we can bestow on others and also give to ourselves.

Sometimes, I think we take for granted that others automatically know how we feel about them. That if we say `I love you' once or `thank you' once...that should be enough...it never is, is it?

We all want to be appreciated for what we do and for who we are. We are all in desperate need of validation each and every day.
As parents, we are sometimes unsure if we are doing the right thing or not, and wonder if our children appreciate all of our sacrifices made on their behalf.

I think this illness causes even more uncertainty to creep into our lives which are already overflowing with fears, contradictions, and unpredictability.

How comforting to know that we can count on at least one constant...
the ability to give the gift of unconditional love and gratitude freely.

Expressing our gratitude to the heavens above is important as well. Or...to whatever you hold as a Higher Power in your life.

To lift a grateful word is to acknowledge an appreciation for life and its surrounding beauty. To show thanksgiving...for the miracle of the ones you love and for you.

Take a risk
Say it
Say it again
And again
And again

Until you possess a grateful heart with each breath.

(thanks lightfoot )

I must admit...I'm a pretty capable woman...but changing a flat tire has never been my forte...

Lately, it takes me three times as long just to get out of the house because I just can't seam to make any decisions and I waste valuable time just changing clothes (usually to end up wearing the first choice)...
that is, if I even get out of my jammies that day.

Changing from daylight savings time to whatever the other one is called still throws me off for weeks...

But, My Goodness...some changes are just down right devastating at times.

Just when we think we are smooth sailing...a hurricane blows our way.

The trick I think is to find a way to remain in the eye of the storm.

That place where all is calm within and all is chaos without...is indeed a miracle to me...and finding and staying in that place is a life-long pursuit.

We are all so caught up in the winds of change at times...being blown from one place to another, one protocol to another, one symptom to another...no wonder we feel like we are having a perpetual `Bad Hair Day'!

But...we all know that life is all about changes...

The change in seasons
The change in our bodies
And just as with the change in weather...it really is quite an eternal yet instant miracle.

(thanks lightfoot )

Even for Christians who have surrended our lives to God. We often, during these times of change, find our faith challenged because in thinking we have surrended find areas that we are still desperately holding on to.

We love ourselves, and rightly so, so to let go and allow change to happen at the hand of another is scary. I don't know how agnostics or atheists do it. To whom do they trust their future??? Pure luck or chance?? I feel so privlaged that God has revealed Himself to me as a loving Father who has my best intrests at heart. He is someone I can trust. Still it is a hard process, even with that knowledge.

Yet change is there for our betterment ultimately if we believe the scriptures. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28

You also mentioned finding the eye of the storm. That is only found in that faith in Him. He promised to leave us His peace: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27

Change always equals growth for His children. Because He is trying to conform us into His image. Like the old time Gospel song Jesus on the inside working on the outside....

It is 42 degrees out right now...quite balmy for February in Colorado.

I had an email today from a friend who lives close to me asking if I had been blown away by the winds of the last few days...I replied that I had not left my little nest in three days.

I do not like the heat...and I do not like the cold any longer...
So, I dream of far away places with warn sunny sands tempered by cool ocean breezes...
As I sit in my quiet little nest with the fake fireplace glowing...doing some arm-chair gardening.

Yes, after 22 years of winters in Colorado, I must admit...I've done my share of this passive garden making...only to dream of the first sign of snowmelt and first glimpse of crocus to pull on my rattiest sweatshirts, oldest Levis, and head out the door with trowel in hand and a smile on my face.

Funny...I seem to forget all about the mud season until my boots are stuck!

I am a landscape designer...working to become a Landscape Architect...so all things botanical are my passion. I've studied most gardens...and have been privileged to visit many, near and far. I've worked at nurseries, greenhouses, florists, and Botanic gardens...
what my bosses never knew though, and what I wasn't really ready to reveal, was that I would have done all of that work for free.
Because when you finally find your true passion in life...it is not work...but play afterall.

Some of the nicest gardens I have ever seen though were the ones that were lovingly tended...
be it a small yard, a balcony, or a windowsill pot of herbs. No wonder this is the nation's number one leisure time activity...those garden makers of all shapes and sizes all are wearing a smile.

I've spent countless hours contemplating the mysteries of nature and the idea that even Adam and Eve were given a garden as the ideal home.

So, when I think of a life beyond this life...
my thoughts turn back to the garden...
and it is then that I suddenly realize...with that silly smile on my face...that I am already in paradise.

``If I knew I would die tomorrow,
I would still plant an apple tree.'' - Martin Luther

(thanks lightfoot )

Sometimes I just feel so helpless...

Usually when I know someone is hurting, and I don't have any answers...

I'm a `fixer' by nature, as I am sure many of you are...we go around in this life trying desperately to fix this and fix that.

What is that truism I have heard...'if you don't want your problem fixed...don't tell a man about it.'

Well...of course I don't like to make blanket statements about much of anything...especially about ones gender.

But, I have found that generally, there is a bit of truth in this. And I know I have a strong masculine side.

It use to be much easier for me to just sweep problems under the rug (I do have a feminine side too ), especially when I had no concrete solutions.

Now, I realize all too clearly that neither polarized view is very helpful...one can not ignore a problem and just expect it to resolve on it's own...I tried this already with Lyme...it didn't work so well.

Nor, can one person be the great fixer-upper of all things either...none of us has the answer to every question.

But questions...yes, they ARE healing...

Questions tell us so much about the one who asks. Enquiring minds DO want to know, you know?

The questions that I have come to appreciate the most lately, are simply...
How are YOU today-
HOW have you been feeling-
TELL me what new has been happening in your life-
How does THAT make you feel-

And my favorite...
What can I DO to help?

When someone really takes the time and the initiative to honestly ask ME these questions...and more importantly, to REALLY listen to the answers...I then find...that was all I ever wanted...and the answers will come to me then in my own way and in my own time.

(thanks lightfoot )

btw
How are YOU today-
HOW have you been feeling-
TELL me what new has been happening in your life-
How does THAT make you feel-
What can I DO to help?

Its your turn to be on the other side.

For some reason...I actually have two thoughts today...amazing isn't it?

Perhaps it is my total lack of antibiotics this last week-
Perhaps it is the controversy raging about conventional vs. alternative healing practices-
It could have been my friend's words spoken in haste that hurt me very profoundly-

Or...It could only be the short conversation that I had with my mentor yesterday-

But, tonight...
I just feel so compelled to write about diverse thinking.

Why do we even go on vacations...is it not to see new sights and learn new ways of life?
Why do we even bother to watch the news...is it not to become aware of what is happening outside of our doors?
Why do we seek out our friends in times of need...is it not for a broader perspective?

Then...
Why are we not all drawn to those who think somewhat differently than ourselves...this, I don't understand.

I don't understand why we only want to gaze in the mirror sometimes...when catching a chance reflection is so much more interesting anyway. Not only do we recognize a bit of ourselves...but we also see all that surrounds us as well.

If we all thought alike, spoke alike, acted alike, danced alike, or loved alike...how very sad this world would be...and how incredibly boring too.

We each one of us have an internal energy that drives our every action...but it is the synergy of our combined thoughts that really make us active. And when THAT happens...STAND BACK...great things can be accomplished!

What I do understand is that we each are suffering from an all too common illness.
We each are searching for some validity and some solutions.
We each have the common goal of improved health.

I think our Common Ground is much more apparent with each passing day.

To allow diverse thinking into our lives is an important decision towards reaching wellness...
And, an important first step towards maintaining our sense of self while also cultivating our combined Common Grounds.

(thanks lightfoot )

Unexpected crises in life can deeply wound us...even though inevitable...they still hurt, don't they?

Life's losses and lessons are painful for us all...

But I honestly think that this is the way we are stretched and allowed to grow...and...
Stretching always hurts, unless one is very good at yoga.

Just recently, I took my very first yoga class.

I wasn't ANY good at the balancing part-
Nor was I adept at keeping my mouth shut (I didn't know that people paid good money to go to these classes just to find perfect peace and quiet).

Not that I was overly chatty...OK, maybe a bit...but mostly; I was just laughing at my own ridiculous self.

The teacher was very kind, and did not scold me for this grave mistake...nor did my friends for breaking the unspoken rules.

The part I was good at, was the flexibility part...I've always been pretty flexible, and stretching is my only way now to keep my body from completely atrophying.

Remaining flexible in a world full of rules and regulations...
rights and wrongs...
highs and lows...
fors or againsts...
and blacks and whites...
Is a difficult pursuit to say the least.

When learning some things in life, we are given the rules from the beginning...
Learning to raise one's hand before speaking...
Learning to drive on the right side of the road...
Learning that death is ultimately a part of life.

Even if we may know these basic ways of how the world turns though...
There are still moments of forgetfulness...
There are still deep wounds...
There are still unexpected crises...
There is still grieving...

There is still a struggle to find some middle ground. The ability to stretch from one extreme to another. That neutral place between the learning and the pain.

A few days ago...
I found out that yet another life was taken by Lyme disease.
I found out that my good friend was wounded very deeply.
I found out that in some cases, the rules and regulations when followed can be harmful.
I found out that even the strongest amongst us is also vulnerable to the inevitable.

And...somehow, in the end, I also found out... that I was pretty darn good at Yoga afterall.

(thanks lightfoot )

Ok...I know it is hard to imagine this now, but when I was younger, I was an extreme introvert.

I hardly ever spoke, unless spoken to first...
It wasn't because
I was afraid
Or shy
Or thoughtless...
there were plenty of thoughts racing through my little brain as there are now.

It was because no one really cared to hear what I had to say.
So, I closed myself off into my own little world and kept very fine company with myself.

I wasn't taught the social graces besides...
`yes mam'...and `no sir'
`Thank you' and `please'
`May I interrupt you now'
Or `can I be excused from the table?'

Conversational skills failed me until I was introduced to a few extroverts who had positive influences on my life...
It was then, that I finally felt safe enough to really express my true needs, desires, fantasies, and fears.

I was always fascinated when listening to others' tales...I just didn't want to tell my own.

But...
Life has a way of providing for each of us the opportunity to learn new skills every day.

Eventually, I was provided with a huge family that talked non-stop and would involve me in every conversation until I felt loved, understood, and really heard.

It was then, that I learned that purposeful silence can have a double meaning...
And I have since tried to avoid using the negative meaning whenever possible.

Now, when I am really ill, I sometimes choose to cocoon in my own little space. I do not return calls, or answer emails at times...because I just don't want to say once again...I am not well. The mistake I am making though is using purposeful silence to avoid others who care for me.

Of course my friends realize that I want to be alone...but what I didn't realize is that they NEEDED to know that I was OK...not perfect, not happy, not well...just OK.

We are all responsible for words spoken in anger or in haste...but we are also just as guilty for not speaking when something really needs to be said.

Silence can be a blessing...but it can also be deafening...

Please, choose your words wisely...and also, wisely choose when words are needed.

(thanks lightfoot )

I, for one, am very glad that you are no longer an extreme introvert and am fascinated by your stories.

I am happy you were able to meet the people who helped you on your journey.

I was actually just thinking of how many of us have been through this exact experience...and, what the outcome was.

I awoke in a pretty good mood Friday morning, as usual.

I just love the morning time...
Before the dew rises
Before the bird song
Before the magic of daybreak occurs.

But, by that evening...things in my little world had changed drastically.

I learned that I owed more than I could possibly pay due to health expenses...and a deep sadness and self-pity began to descend as hard as the snow had fallen the night before.

I have never been one to place much value on material possessions. I live a rather frugal lifestyle, only splurging on what I feel is really important...
Time with friends
Education
Creating gardens
And travel, to see unknown places.

Always knowing that the true value in life comes from an inner peace with oneself and with the world that one chooses to surround them.

By Saturday morning, I realized this truth again...and made my calls to hold off the collectors sure to be knocking down my doors at any moment!

I know that so many of us are going through a financial crisis at the moment...TBDs were never passed out with unlimited funds for their eviction.
There are never any guaranties of success or of failure while undergoing treatment...
There are no easy answers and there are no quick cures.
Our old lives and our bank accounts seem to be slipping away on a daily basis.

But, through it all, I still feel as if I have gained something that no amount of money could ever buy...
And I see so many here that have gained this true value in life as well...

A deep sense of empathy
A constant watch of our LymeNet family
And, a helping hand when one is truly needed...even if that hand only holds love...

because WE have been there ourselves, and KNOW there is light at the end of the long worrisome night
and daybreak, afterall, is sure to come soon.

(thanks lightfoot )

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom & the gift of your time in sharing with us.

I use to get so frustrated when plans that I had made didn't pan out.
I would stress about broken commitments...
About not being on time...
About having to change courses with the fickle wind.

Now, life is so much simpler for me...although I am still a bit stressed when I am running late for something.

I now have the ability to take a deep breath, realize that it is what it is, and just try to enjoy the ride along the way.

Life is about the not knowing after all...the changes in plans and the broken commitments are just part of our world. And once I realized this and accepted this fact...I was able to let go of so many preconceived notions about people, activities, and plans. And most importantly, I was able to let go of the pressures that I was constantly placing on myself.

We are all just a small part of a continuum of humankind.

Although we would like to think that we are special, different, and unique in some way. And that our world should rightly revolve around our own needs...it rarely does, does it?

We each do have a gift of uniqueness though that is priceless...but, more often, I find, that what we have in common is the glue that binds us together.

If we would only learn to use both of these tools to make the best of whatever situation happens to spring up unexpectedly...
I truly think...the not knowing would be a great adventure instead of the stress induced problem that we sometimes tend to find ourselves facing.

For me, at least, the not knowing what each day will bring, is like a surprise gift each morning. (I have always loved surprise gifts anyway)

And come to think of it...None of my poems ever did rhyme afterall.

(thanks lightfoot )

If Lyme taught me something, it has been to enjoy the moment and not set my heart on future plans.

I have learned to accept that I can't control most things in life and have accepted change happens wheather we are prepared for it or not.

anyway, thanks a bunch!

Today, I experienced a real eye opener...literally.

I had my very first eye exam...
well, the first one since I was a little child in grade school, when they tested everyone with those hand signals from the charts...that must have been before we could actually recite the alphabet.

Oh...and I did get a `visual acuity test' at my latest ER visit.
Again with the charts...but, with actual letters this time. Wonder how much I was billed for that one?

Anyway, I began Plequenil a short while ago, so I knew that I needed a baseline...a REAL exam this time, and, I was pretty excited; for a doc visit.

As, I went through the various tests, and then had my eyes dilated...something really hit me strongly.

I have always been blessed with good vision, despite the fact that both my parents and my sibling all wore glasses at young ages.

This was something that I had taken for granted...
Like good food
Like good friends
Like good health.

When my vision was temporarily blurred...everything seemed to change.
I couldn't read a thing
I couldn't focus on my doc's eyes when trying to hold a conversation about TBDs
I couldn't even run the errands that I had expected to complete after my test...so, I just drove back home to wait it out.

I all of a sudden realized what so many others have to face on a daily basis with poor or no vision...and it caused me to develop an even greater empathy for those special people in my life who struggle with this problem.

I also realized how easily everything else I had taken for granted could quickly fade away and become blurry to me...

Yes, I have been blessed.
My taste has come back with proper treatment...
My good friends are still here...

And, the good days are more frequent now than the bad.

I think we are given many opportunities for little eye openers every day...if we would just take the time needed to truly look.

(thanks lightfoot )

That was beautiful and all too true, we all have blessings in our lives though so often we forget about them when we are busy thinking about how much sadness and hardships we have.

You are always a reminder to me that no matter what happens we can find blessings and that hopefully every hardship has a reward waiting for us somewhere down the line.

Each spring...usually when there is still snow on the ground...I get the itch to go seed shopping.

I always have my favorites that I like to sow each year...but, sometimes, I am surprised by some new variety that I just can't live without.

Last month, on a beautiful spring day...I placed each seed so carefully in the freshly turned earth...patted them in by hand...and watered them well each and every day.

When Bob, my cat, decided that my new seed bed was just the perfect litter box though; I wasn't too thrilled ...so a few things needed to be replanted.

There is so much lettuce and spinach in my garden right now...I know I will never eat it all! So, any visitor always leaves with a bag full of fresh greens...and a second bag of rhubarb and herbs if they are cooks.

I have also found many baby seedlings that have started in the most interesting places in my gardens from the compost of last year...
this is an ever unexpected, but delightful surprise...so, I wait to see what they will become, before they are subjected to the hoe or trowel and tossed on the newest compost pile.

I believe that being a gardener requires much patience, care, and faith. We believe that what we so tenderly plant and watch over will eventually grow and our efforts will become fruitful.

I have witnessed this act of faith time and again by other gardeners...

But, recently, I also have witnessed this act by those here who continuously plant their seeds of faith

for encouragement...
for acceptance...
for endurance...

and for change.

To those of you who are the planters of knowledge, activism, and love...I applaud you, and am in awe of you.
I can see your bounty so clearly and your efforts are appreciated more than you will ever know.

Yes, your seeds of faith are paying off now...and your seedling followers are showing up in unexpected places...and it IS a delight!

(thanks lightfoot )

Our neighborhood has had problems this week with Road Runner service, so I feel like I've probably missed some important stuff.

As always, you have given us such inspirational thoughts. Thank you so very much for taking time to share with us.
Just another example of your wonderful contributions to LymeNet.

Off topic, but I wanted to add this anyway.
You mentioned Bob, your cat.

When Sam, one of my grandsons, was 4 yrs old,
a half-starved kitten came into their yard from Fort Jackson.
Of course, my daughter & her boys fed it & it stayed.

Sam said his name had to be "Tom Kitten" because he looked like the kitten in Beatrix Potter's book .
Some months later, the kitten was much larger so Sam decided they had to change his name. It should be "Bob Cat".

Finding your own authenticity sometimes takes a lifetime.

We are so bombarded in this culture to conform to standards that no one really has ever set.

If you look deep enough, or follow long enough...you will find out, as I did, that idols, large and small...are merely humans following their own dreams.

I have learned the hard way to set my own standards, follow my own dreams, and just be myself...
What you see is what I am...
There are no hidden meanings...
No ulterior motives...
I speak and write from the heart...not to preach...but only to share what I've learned along life's way.

I appreciate this quality in others as well...

Like a magnet...I am forcibly drawn to those who exhibit uniqueness, honesty, straightforwardness, and kindness.
And...I am equally repelled by those who seethe in negativity, pretension, manipulation, or bitterness...usually self-induced from trying to meet someone else's criteria for life.

I once was a waitress...the worst you have ever seen!
As a hostess I wasn't much better!
I once was a janitor...that really sucked!
I once was an art dealer...I hated sales!
I once was a newspaper deliverer...insomnia came in handy then!

I once tried to be the peace maker to all...I had to learn the sad lesson that some aren't looking for peace.

Like so many, I spent way too many years trying to be someone else to try to please someone else.

Now, I am following my own passion...just pleasing myself...still dealing with problems, pains, heartaches, friends, joy, love, and life.

But...
I'm no longer exhausted at the end of the day from being something I am not...I am only exhausted from giving my all of me....and this sort of fatigue never felt more peaceful.

(thanks lightfoot )

Nobody has found uniqueness(is that a word?) or enjoyed it and worn it so well as you.

Thank you for being Melanie and not trying to be anyone else.

Winter has arrived in my little world...
There are 6 inches predicted for tonight.

Once again, I eagerly awaited the costumed children,
But, once again, the white stuff hit at the last moment, and no little ones graced my doorstep.
Tricked again.

Instead, Bob, the cat, and I are snuggled up next to the glowing fire.
He, with his paws outstretched on my lap...
And I, with the bite-size Reese's wrappers blanketing my chest and falling to the floor.

So much for our best laid plans.

I stop to think back on other plans that fell through these past 2 years...
postponed lunches, missed school days, forgotten dreams of healthier times.

Plans of being in a warmer climate, in an ideal job, and starting a family right about now...
All left behind with the diagnosis.

My best laid plans were only that...I realize now...plans.

The reality of life has changed things for sure.

But...

As I peel another wrapper, I can't help but smile to myself.
This impromptu evening with a party of just the two of us is sort of nice after all.

The new snow is quite magical under the street lamps, and I imagine the little ones sitting at home, unwrapping their own un-offered treats.

So accepting of their fates...
Too consumed in the moment to have any other plans of tomorrow.

Knowing, that afterall, they were never in control.

(thanks lightfoot )

seems we have lost the dedication to one another.but i will continue to try to help others,as others have helped me.

to thyne own self,be true. , gary

p.s. so nice of you to bring this post back up.i remember reading it some time ago.you always left me thinking.thankyou melanie......