My diagnosis psychologicaly has changed from simple depression of 9 yrs two months ago to bi polar disorder with ADD--meds for that messed me up bad, almost ended up in intake for psychosis. New doc, new med Lamictal--I had adverse reaction to that and Lymddoc dc'd it and put me on klonipin for anxiety instead of zanax. Lyme doc says that he thinks I am in "Organic psychosis"--my husband was right there.

My husband was right there when the IV coordinator told him that I may not be able to get out of bed some days--there will be good and bad and I cannot be expected to keep up the pace I am on now. She even looked at him and said I am surprised on orals she is doing all she is doing. I guess he figures since I have always taken my fibro by the horns and kept working even though it was killing me that those rules do not apply to me. Business as usual and I am being negative and hysterical.

the first two days on konopin I felt better--and the last couple of days I not slept, a lot of sweating and maybe herxing a bit--so I am cranky and tired. In his eyes I am lazy because I have not forced the shrinks hand to see me again to put me back on antidepressants. We (the shrink and I) decided we would see how I do on just the konopin with my pain meds etc for a week or so and regroup aftr the results of the scans.

I am an ultrasound technologist with $15,000 in student loans and all he keeps talking about is me studying because the deadline is DEC 2004 or I will have to return to school inorder tob be registered. No regrisrty + no work. I went back to school in 98 knowing of the endometriosis and fibro--did not expect 5 surgeries in 4 years that cost me time away from work which egualed time away from the total 4 years clinical experience I needed which is a requirement to take the boards. they have a new law in affect that states if you were self taught or went to private vocational school-as I did-we only have until the end of the year to pass. I am good at my job. I think I can pass the OB/GYN part--that is my specialty--the physics is like reading greek to me--it is all memory and I am not retaining it.--He says I am not trying hard enough. I read it and all I do is cry because I feel as if I never learned it.

I have a ten yr old boy with PTSD on zoloft seing a therapist every week and a daughter nursing a knee injury and just started physial therapy every wk for 4 wks --2x'x a week. On top of that my weekly visits to the IV clinic on my plate--not to mention dinner, laundry and the house, the lawn, and every other flipping thing around here. INCLUDING HIS RELENTLESS RAMBLING ON HOWHIS SCRUBS NEED SEWING.

He does nothing but work--works a lot of hours and is too tired to do anything else and with me unable to work we need the money. Even on the wekends he willnot lift a finger--lays in bed and watches TV all weekend every weekend.

Last night all I did is brought up alternative ways to get the kids where they have to be in case I am too ill and he dismissed me and looked at me with such disgust and turned his back on me and went to sleep. HE SAYS--HE IS EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALY DRAINED!!!!!

I am 44 yrs old and I want to go home--problem is there isn't one. No siblings, no mom,Nor dad--been on my own since age 15. nO aUNTS OR uNCLES--NOBODY. I am isoloated myself here is Charlotte since we moved here because I am always busy with the kids, doctors and up until a month ago work as well. I haven't much to offer a friendship at the moment. I have not connected with a church or support group. Just the cyber friends I have on other boards for years.

That has to change. The only lyme support group in this area my doc says he does not want me to go to because it is negative and a whine session. i feel there must be at least one person worth nowing there. I need to connect somewhere before I loose my mind. So I will seek other alternatives through fibro and arthritis, and therapy ---it is just so all overwhelming and I wish he could let me digest all of this and just let me be sick, take care of me, hug me as I have several times in our marriage.

He had a total breakdown 6 years ago that ended him in ICU for almost 3 months and 3 hospitals--for crying out loud I slept on the floor next to his bed because he was in steroid psychosis so bad he would not let me leave and I never judged him, never wasn't there for him.

Because of my obsssion of learning about this disease that has been eating my body and brain for 16 years that has been missed by so many docs I have lost count-------I talk about it a lot and everyone is sick of me. I even got an email from my friend of 40 years that she does not want any more negative or mail about our problems or my illness. She has her own and her own life now etc etc.

Does any of this sound familar? Is there any hope of support?

Our marrigae has been in trouble for a while and this was just the icing on the cake--I am wondering if I shouldn't file for separation and find something to make money until I can collect ssdi and just get well on my own---the stress is killing me. I have three docs behind me in filing for SSI and enough diagnosises to choke an elephant.

Thanks for listening.

Cathy

Had yrs. of illnesses with kids & him. Hung in there for everyone including grandparents & parents illnesses. My dad who died not that long ago was only 1 who really would be there for me now he is gone.

My ex ran around left the kids alone when I was in hosp. with meninigitis, prob. from lyme then. Miss dxed for over 10 yr. Have fm it is alot worse. Kept trying to work with many other things wrong till collapsed over & over again on the job. Finally had to go on disability. Still not treatment for lyme.

I will say glad he is out of my life. But he stalked me for 8 yrs. which made me get worse under so much stress. Was still raising kids then plus had started couple bussinesses.

Kids now do not understand even though 1 daughter is showing many signs of fm or lyme.

You have to go with your gut feeling. What is best for your general health & the kids.

You are under a tremendous amount of stress right now and about to start IV.....I'm assuming you've discussed all of this with the shrink? I may have missed something, but you need outside help here for your sake and your kids!!!! At least to sort out some immediate concerns and then how to start working on others.

Please tell me you'll at least make a call on Monday to either the shrink or lyme doc? And call that support group, who cares what the doc thinks. He may be way off base and can we bet he's getting this through word of mouth?? I was very fortunate to find such a wonderful, knowledgable support group....I can't say enough about them. They've helped me get diagnosed and put me on the path to finding an LLMD quickly!! Hang in there and email me to let me know how you are doing, o.k.???

"to have and to hold, till LD takes its toll"

I think my marriage would have gone down the tubes with or without lyme disease.

I think it's time you put yourself first for once.

Your husband sounds extremely selfish and self-rightous. You are definitely not his his first priority - like you should be.

Have you talked about marriage counceling? I wouldn't make it an option for your husband...

Just my two cents.

DUH!

You have no support system. Your husband is not helping physically, emotionally or mentally.

Not only does it sound like you are doing too much but you have to be majorly stressed out.

It sounds like you have to be in charge and are responsible for everything. Up until a month ago you were also working. Now you feel upset because you can't work and/or because your husband makes you feel bad that you are not working.

Anxiety, stress, depression, guilt, unhappiness, self-doubt (per your husband), marriage problems, lack of respect from your spouse, and perhaps lack of self-confidence would make someone sick even if they weren't sick to begin with. Now add Lyme and all your daily responsibilites. Add children and their activities and responsibilities. Add a jerkface husband and his lack of help and sympathy who is not there for you physically, mentally and emotionally. Add a friend, who you thought was a good friend - who told you she is tired of you 'complaining'.

Of course you are going downhill and feel worse.

You are worth SO much more than this!!

When you realize that you deserve better and are worth way more then what you are getting, I think you will start to change your life from the inside out.

Good luck!

I hear you. I was literally on my death bed and did not think I would live, I was getting guilted out about money and being off work. He denies he was that insensitive, but I know the truth. I get a lot of pressure to work, when I can't right now, and have decided to not work until I can without harming my health.

No one really understands, and I myself have been on my own since 15 with no family at all. We have a son, and sometimes I just want to take him and leave the house and all.

I keep telling him, if you can't handle it and realise that I need some serious time here to be sick and get better, then maybe you need to reconsider your future with me cause I am sick of the BS.

I tell him I rather live in poverty alone with my son, than take this stress everyday from you. At the end of the day, it's not worth it if it is making me more sick.

We are still in battles and he hasn't left and neither have I. But arguing can get bad and we are not close anymore and this has killed an already dying relationship.

It's tough. We do have good days.But I refuse to work until I feel able to. I won't push myself into my grave faster for somebody else and their selfishness.

At the end of the day, no one is gonna pat you on the back for pushing yourself to go to work when you shouldn't. I find people get guilted into feeling they are not worthy of a break, but this isn't true.

Well, I hope you see better days. Good Luck with the i.v

endless possiblities have entered my mind as I read what you wrote.
Is it possible he has lyme too?
Is it possible he cant deal with stress, doesnt have tools?
Is it possible that you have been the strong one, and he doesnt know how?

Know that our prayers are with you. I wish I could offer more. Keep on track with your meds, and keep thinking about your precious son.

HUgZzzz

I find my boyfriend providing less sympathy and support than I wish he would. He doesn't ask how I'm feeling, doesn't inquire into how I've been dealing with my problems, what the doctors are saying, etc. etc.

Nice guy and all but... just doesn't want to deal with my health problems!

Have another friend with lyme disease who says her boyfriend is the same way and she wants to take him to a support group meeting so that MAYBE he can get a clue what's she's going through and develop a little sympathy!

Is it a guy thing???
(sorry guys, just wondering.)

They have no idea what I'm going through. They think because I look fine and I don't complain or anything, I'm normal.

One time my husband spent the weekend putting down hardwood flooring in his brother's house. When he was done, his entire body ached. He told me, if this is anything like you feel like, I feel for you.

That was the only time he came close to understanding.

My father thinks if I exercise, drink water, go to church, lose weight, go on the atkins and get a job, I won't have time to worry myself about my illness. He says I have too much time on my hands because I'm not working and I'm making myself sick.

Not that I'm sticking up for your husband, believe me I'm not defending knucklehead jerks that don't want to lift a finger to help out, but as I read your post I thought he might have lyme too. At the least, it sounds as if he's depressed. I think if he's spends the whole weekend in bed, he's probably depressed. Maybe it's not that he doesn't want to help you, maybe he CAN'T. He might just be hanging on himself.

Have your kids been tested for lyme?

Just my thoughts, hope things get better for you.