LymeNet Flash: A Special Thanks

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»	LymeNet Flash » Questions and Discussion » Off Topic » A Special Thanks

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Topic: A Special Thanks

Lou B
Administrator
Member # 64

posted

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the e-mail about rats in the glue on envelopes because I now have to get a wet towel for every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any running shoes -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000.00 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!

--------------------
Lou B

Posts: 2200 | From Mount Hope, New Jersey, USA | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

Angela Bachmann
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 43

posted

Lou,

I didn't do what you said so a large dove with diarrhea landed on my head at 5:00 PM (EDT) this afternoon during a rainstorm. There were no camels in the yard but a tick landed on me and caused me to grow a hairy hump. I'm very embarrassed now with my appearance.

[puke]

--------------------
Love,
Angela

Posts: 572 | From New Jersey | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

lou
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 81

posted

Wonderful!!!! Laughing my head off!

Posts: 8430 | From Not available | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

ponytail
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 36

posted

OMG - I skimmed this message yesterday and got a good chuckle [Roll Eyes]

but, of course I just went along my merry way.

At first I thought, I must not have been affected for not forwarding it because no dove appeared at all . . .

I wonder tho - I did get pooed on by a gigantic buzzard who thinking I was dead, flew WAY to close for comfort [confused]

and the endless

AGUUUGGHU [Mad]

- itching - I thought it was me lyme acting up - eeeegads - I've got fleas - where'd the heck I get camel fleas?

Oh Lou [tsk]

- thanks for nothing - now look what you've done!!!

LOL - Sherry

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Posts: 704 | From Huntsville, Texas | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

Lymester
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 5848

posted

I loved this and particularly related to the cancer causing deodorant part.

I can't even stand to be near myself!

Angela, send us an updated photo...

[Big Grin]

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Lymester

Posts: 519 | From CT | Registered: Jun 2004 | IP: Logged |

Angela Bachmann
LymeNet Contributor
Member # 43

posted

Sometimes lately, without warning, I wake up looking like this!!

And what color am I? [cussing]

I NEVER liked lyme green!!!

--------------------
Love,
Angela

Posts: 572 | From New Jersey | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

Loribelle
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6293

posted

hahaha!

Posts: 1149 | From southeast iowa | Registered: Sep 2004 | IP: Logged |

livinlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3773

posted

So Lou,
Does this mean I can not get out of bed because if I do the alligator that lives under it will eat me?

And if I don't get out of bed then I will miss that open ended dove that will fly over my head...... so what punishment will bestow me if I miss my blessed destiny?

this was refreshing for a head over heels day... I never came over to this forum.. but now I know I need to on occassion...
thanks, I now have a cramp in my cheeks....NO not there.... [tsk]

there

--------------------
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."

Posts: 1389 | From who knows, who cares, but somewhere over the rainbow | Registered: Mar 2003 | IP: Logged |

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