CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Well, life is not perfect.
My husbands kidneys are beginning to fail from his diabetes and we are looking at dialysis in the somewhat nearish future. He has a condition which will keep him off transplant lists. I am going to try to donate him one of mine but because I have a history of kidney problems and have chronic Lyme I doubt they will take it, which SUCKS!!! It makes me really hate Lyme HATE Lyme for the first time in a long time because with no pain anymore it is easy to be grateful for the spiritually awakening parts of having Lyme. But if I was well maybe they would let me give him a kidney, probably not anyway because I have ahd recurrent kidney problems myself through life but MAYBE!
AND at lunch yesterday husband says, with an elegaic tone,
"I want you to get rid of that goat."
like it is a last request or soemthing.
"The children should be able to go out in the yard." (They can- when he's tied up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't bear the thought of poor little Annie ending up with people who don't love him, because we do love him. I know he is a bad goatie but it's not his fault- the people who raised him were idiots!!!! We have been trying to break his bad habits but it doesn't work so far.
But husband knows that with just having gotten news of his kidneys that I would be unable to refuse his request.
So things are different.
I went into the bathroom at the restaurant at lunch yesterday and cried. Not about Annie. My husband is the opposite of me in many ways, he is firmly rooted in his job (master foreman electrician) and doesn't pay much attention to the future or the past. He is not medically savvy and yesterday he tells me about his visit with the nephrologist and THEN asks me, "What IS dialysis?" His innocence of it all. I explained precisely and at length and then went into the restaurant bathroom and sobbed stealthily in the stall (no one else was there) for a few minutes and barely avoided hysteria.
But today I am ok. Right now. It's not about me. It's about him. I need to be there for him and stay strong for him. He did not like the way dialysis sounds but he doesn't quite get the big picture yet. I keep thinking fear thoughts, this cold little voice says, "I am going to be a widow." But maybe we can get a private donor- he has siblings- and adult sons from a prior relationship- but they are estranged from him- still, you never know- I need to focus on the positive and be there for him- and find a loving perfect home for Annie with lots of freedom- he loves running and bounding-
Sizzled- do you want Annie? With your goats I am sure he would hold his own and he is a sweetie!! He really is.
I am going to try harder to change Annie- maybe if he undergoes a massive change my husband will change his mind!!!
Someone suggested squirt guns so I am going to get those and see if that works!!! It works with cat training!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My daughters adore Annie!!! But when my husband said that my older daughter Evan said wistfully,
"It WOULD be nice to go out in the yard without being butted."
Still, she cried about it.
They are repeating my husbands tests and he doesn't have to start dialysis RIGHT away, "not next week". Whatever that means. Means soon...
So now I have to look at finding a good permanent home for Annie. I am scared no one nice will want him. I can't give him away to just anyone. They have to love him!!!!!!!!!!
Oh well- maybe I can change him!!!! I have tamed so many feral cats but it takes TIME!!!
Anyone who prays is welcome to throw a prayer in for Ed in California( my H dear)- but who knows, when they redo the tests maybe they will find out it was all a mistake!!! I can dream*)!!! Best wishes, Sarah
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
I am soooo Sorry forall you are going through. I will say a prayerfor all of you.
I am a vet tech, but I don't know much about goats... Maybe if you want to PM me the goat problem I can try to think of soemthing..
I know what it is like to love an animal and what it feels like to give one up. Just from your post I think it would be sad to give up the goat unless the perfect home came about.... Well let me know if there is anything I can do.
Best wishes..Melissa Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
So sorry to hear about all you're going through...
I would take Annie if only I could! I'm sure you'll find a good home for him. There are animal lovers everywhere. Is there a goat rescue??
I'll pray for you and Ed!!
Gena
-------------------- "Never underestimate the power of a few committed people to change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has." --Margaret Mead Posts: 290 | From New York | Registered: May 2007
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I am so very sorry to hear about this worrisome turn of events. I will be thinking of you and your husband and hoping for a good outcome for all concerned (including Annie).
-------------------- "Help Or Be Helpless" Please visit "Activism" board daily. See the threads regarding the IDSA Guidelines crisis and the threads about Dr. Charles Ray Jones and decide how best to help today! Posts: 1265 | From does not list | Registered: Jun 2004
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I am on here rarely these days but in a few months things may look up as I will be getting treatment finally!
That is not why I am writing of course. I was scrolling down the topics and saw your post and felt such overwhelming sadness for you and what you must be feeling right now.
Maybe now is the time to begin making some small overtures to family and friends so that you don't continue feeling so all alone with your worries.
Yes, you will need to be as strong as you can be, but you are certainly aware that stress is just awful for us, no matter where we are in our recovery.
Your dear hubby isn't aware of what lies ahead for him yet....and maybe that is a good thing. Even if he was told, he may not be able to hear the truth.
Transplants are becoming much more available as people become aware of how important they are and many more people are donating organs of their dying relatives and genetically matched donors are becoming more apt to help.
People can live just fine with one kidney.
Whatever happens, please don't lose sight of your spiritual awakening. Ask God for mercy....over and over again. Give Him your burdens because you can't bear them.
I will be praying for Ed and for YOU as you face whatever problems come to pass. Even when you are strong, your Creator is stronger and when you are weak, He/She is always with you.
He would be surrounded by ponies including miniatures and they used to have sheep so they have an enclosure for him and he would get loved by people!!!! They would love him through a fence!!!!!!!!!!! He would probably love it there.
My Evan is crying her heart out right now upstairs. She doesn't want to get rid of him. I don't either but I don't know how to say no to my husband right now.
He is right, the baby should be safe in her own back yard-
I wrote about how aggressive Annie is and they still want him!!! He would be fenced off there.
How weird-
I don't know if I can do it- but these people are so nice-
My husband says we can get a couple of pgymy girl goats-
Still, Annie is so cute- and he loves us- and we love him-
But look at this place- boy- he would be taken care of beautifully-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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sizzled
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1357
posted
Sarah, I am so sorry your family has endure this!
I was touched you offered your beloved Annie to me.
It sounds like you may have found a wonderful home for him/her, though!!
I would have had one more suggestion for reforming Annie had you insisted on keeping him/her but it is a LAST resort, in my book.
They sell electric shock collars for dogs (and now horses!) to associate unwanted behaviours with unpleasant consequences.
These devices are use to try and reform dangerous behaviour vices such as biting, kicking, etc.
However, sometimes finding another loving home for these animals in which they will be loved and in the company of other animals is a softer and kinder solution......just very hard when you have grown so attached to them!
I trust you will find the best...for your entire family.
sizzled
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1357
posted
P.S.
The fact that your husband would let you get TWO FEMALE goaties says ALOT about him and how much he loves you!!!!!
Maybe bring Evan to just 'look' at a couple of baby female pygmy goats????????
This potential new home for Annie sounds AWESOME!!!!
Posts: 4258 | From over there | Registered: Jul 2001
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Dear CaliforniaLyme,
I am devestated for you in regards to your husband and the decisions that have to be made.
I am praying for you and your family (Annie included).
God Bles you.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
WOW! That sounds like a great home for Annie. It probably is the solution.
It sounds like a lovely place. Maybe you should visit it first, which I am sure you would. Good Luck!
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Annie is gone.
Well, he will have his own little stable and pen and they are going to get another goat to keep him company-
The baby cried, "Annie STAY HOME!" when they left with him. And cried and cried. Evan cried. I didn't cry but I almost did. I gave him big hugs and kisses, we all did, and in fact I htink we embarassed his new owners who seem MUCH more emotionally restrained than we are... The girls were sobbing, "ANNIE WE LOVE YOU!" and I said, "Can I just have ONE more hug?" and he didn't nip us or butt us as all when we said goodbye to him. And we kissed his little goatie muzzle over and over and the new owners looked a little disgusted by that truly. But he looked glad we did it!!! Actually he looked like he knew what was happening all day long and looked really really sad. But he loves being nuzzled and hugged and kissed!!!
No, I am NOt anthropomorphasizing him. he really did look sad.
He didn't butt the baby or even try all day!! If only he was always like that!!!!!!!!!!!
The Pony People said they are going to put a photo of him up on their website with the ponies so when they do I will let oyu guys know- and we can visit him whenever we want!!!
He is just a wonderful goat. I miss him.
But he will be happy there, if not as loved so vigorously. We really do love him a lot. he will get loved mildly more often by lots of people at this place- and he will have a goatie friend- and they said if he doesn't work out they will return him no matter what!!!
("I hope he bites them really hard and draws blood!" says my Evan as they pull away- baby sobbing "ANNIE STAY HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I give Evan a shocked look, "That way they'll bring him BACK!" she says with satisfaction!)
Nice folks, the kid looks like he might have a secret goat yen. I can see him bonding with Annie~!! I hope so. Annie needs human *love* not just contact and care- he needs love!!!!!!
We love him.
I will let you know when his photo goes up there or I will figure out how to get his photos from us up online- you have to see what a cute little goatie he was and is- FAR from making me NOT want anotehr goat- he has been a positive experience through adn through and I really really really want more goaties!!!!
They are so smart and sweet- they are like cats! Best wishes all, Sarah
p.s. There are all these diabetes new drug trials and maybe my husband can get a private donor kidney!!! You never know*)!*)!! I am feeling much less scared!!! I am going to try and get him into a trial for that stem cell diabetes thing where diabetics went into full remissioN!!! And try and get him a donor kidney!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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sizzled
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1357
posted
Sarah,you did good!!
I wish I could give you a kidney. I really do.
You have my prayers...you have my thoughts... Posts: 4258 | From over there | Registered: Jul 2001
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CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Barbra, you have enough to worry about!! My husband could live for years on dialysis anyway, I was just scared to hear the D word and the words "kidney failure". I was dreaming when I was htinking of me giving him a kidney- they wouldn't take it- not from anyone who is sick- but it is early yet- and sometimes when people go on dialysis it gives their kidneys a rest and they don't need it anymore- so you never know!!! This a.m. we are meeting with a medical nutritionist for TWO hours!!! I wonder if he was hoenst with them and told him about his chocolate habit!!! HE SNEAKS CHOCOALTE MILK! After he told em re doctor I searched through teh cupboards and threw away 3 chocolate milk mixes (nesquik) stashed in various cupboards. I never buy them when grocery shoppign. He sneaks them in!!! And drinks chocoalte milk in the middle of the night when I am sleeping!!! Anywayz, to give you an idea pf how bad he is re staying on right foods when he told me in restaurant re his kidneys (and I ihtnk he suggested restaurant so i wouldn't fall apart sobbing clever man) he ordered a bacon cheesburger and large chocolate shake!!!!!! he DOES have whacky diabetes regardless of this but STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to get really mad at him about it- Anyway, to anyone out there iwth diabetes who thikns that doesn't matter- it does!! best wishes all, Sarah
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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dontlikeliver
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4749
posted
Sarah,
I'm sorry to read about the awful situation your husband (and you) are dealing with. Sorry your goat had to move also
Thanks for warning about taking diabetes seriously. I don't although I am "only" borderline last I was checked. Have been diganosed and undiagnosed with it twice and know it's coming sooner or later for good. Chocolate milk's not my thing but I can identify with your husbands cravings - isn't that due to wildly fluctuating blood sugars?
I assume he's quite young? I hope that like you said the dialysis, when he needs it, might give his kidneys a rest and they will regain more function...
DLL
Posts: 2824 | From The Back of Beyond | Registered: Oct 2003
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savebabe
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9847
posted
Sarah,
I am so sorry to hear about everything that has been going on.
I will keep you in my prayers, and please keep us posted on your husband's condition.
CaliforniaLyme
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 7136
posted
Quite young, my husband*)! Let me put it this way, for the last two years I've made him dress up in a Santa hat for our Christmas card*)! But then he shaved his beard!!!! He had a long white beard, well, long-to-medium long beard- and he looked JUST like Santa in a Santa hat. He is a decade plus older than I- he is 50.
The thing about diabetes and kidneys which he didn't know is that when you fluctuate wildly like he does that causes permamnent unseen damage to the kidneys. So all those years of ice ceram sundaes every night before I married him and shaped him up took their toll-
Yesterday we went to nutritionist adn then he did errands and came back for lunch and it was nice. he is kind of a grumpy old bear but really a sweetie inside grumpy old bear kind of husband. if you took his grousings seriously you would think he was a real jerk. That kind of guy/ When my daughters friends come over or my friends come over for the first time and meet him he sometimes says things that shock them, that sound mean, but then they see that the girls and I instead of cowering at his grumpiness, laugh in his face and say, "Oh honey, don't be silly!" He is great with the little ones because he pretends even more and make fake growling sounds and bares his teeth like a real bear.
He is silly. One of those has to be a tough guy but is really a softie guy. He CRIES at movies, little snuffles and tears, at tearjerkers (but I outdid him, I cried violently during Winged Migration, I am SURE you know which part if you saw it, the shocking terrible part, nearly had a heart attack!!! didn't expect it, cried NO NO NO!!!! and had to leave & cry!!) Yup, I am silly too that is why we are good together.
Anyway, yup, diabetes sucks.
The nutritionist was a bit of a surprise because is IS allowed his nesquik ("where did it go? you DIDN'T throw it all away again did you?") in moderation (but him and moderation- hA!).
(((Did you know what is both a protein AND a carbohydrate? MILK!!!!!!!!)))
NOW I have to make meals for us that are
low protein (because of his kidneys) low carb
(and because of my bp)
low salt low fat
Agh!! We are going to have to eat HEALTHY!*)!*)! AGH!*)!*)!
I love butter and carbs!!!
I actually have barely any changes to make ebcause I was already using a diabetic cookbook and being aware of stuff, but it was a good reminder.
When he goes on dialysis he will be able to eat high protein, so that is positive. I know someone who has been on dialysis for 7 years (Ron!). And my husband knows him too- so he is a good role model- he has always been upbeat about it.
His tests have not come back again yet but when they do we will go fom there and I am feeling positive about it all. I had this ex-boyfriend who WOULD donate a kidney if I can find him and he matches. He donated bone marrow to a stranger before!!!
So anyways, life is good. I am lucky to have all that I have. Except Annie. And we will get another little goatie to love one day. I miss Annie too much right now, I would resent another goatie and want him if I got one TODAY. Have to wait a few months at least-
Beautiful summery days here- lots of friends- the garden growing greenly- the girls doing great- my husband being himself- all is good- and we've been eating dinner out on the terrace under the trees- it's really nice- and I know how lucky I am not to be in pain so I can enjoy it all as much as I can- Best wishes all, Sarah
-------------------- There is no wealth but life. -John Ruskin
All truth goes through 3 stages: first it is ridiculed: then it is violently opposed: finally it is accepted as self evident. - Schopenhauer Posts: 5639 | From Aptos CA USA | Registered: Apr 2005
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sizzled
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1357
posted
Sarah, you're the best! Posts: 4258 | From over there | Registered: Jul 2001
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