posted
I was wondering if anyone else feels like you moved out of the house and got into the real world, then realized your parents are not normal. When you are being raised by someone, their behavior is your only frame of reference on what normal is, so you think how they behave is how everyone behaves. Then you get out into the real world, and see that life isn't as hard as you thought it was, and everyone else seems so much more normal and stable. Then comes the realization that you can't really count on your parents, because they are not right in the head.
How do you deal with that?
I just feel like I can't look to them for advice and guidance. I also feel like the advice they have given me over the years....none of it has worked out. Now I feel like I have no one.
Can anyone else here not really count on your parents, for some reason? How do you deal with that?
I feel like I don't have friends to lean on, due to being sick. So all I have is my husband. Sometimes he pulls through, sometimes he doesn't.
Just wondering how you deal with mental illness in the family....feeling like you can't count on anyone to be stable?
Posts: 89 | From U.S. | Registered: Apr 2010
| IP: Logged |
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Is anyone really "right in the head" when we think about it? Sure, there are degrees to self-actualization and your parents may fall at one end of the scale - but very few really have parents to whom they can really talk and share what's on their minds and in their souls.
I was raised in a what I thought was fairly normal family and none of us talk about what really matters. You also have to consider certain ethnic and religions constructs. Parents who went through the depression and WWII also are reluctant to admit weaknesses or get touchy-feeling.
Although we knew they loved us, never in a million years would I have shared feeling with them. Looking back, that stunted my emotional growth in some ways but it made me strong, too, and learned to rely on myself, to take care of myself emotionally. It's very freeing, actually, but it took years to figure out the right balance.
Still, as love is the common denominator, any criticisms that creep into my memories of my parents are tempered with love and understanding. Learning more about them helped.
If we want someone to understand us, we first have to understand them.
They did what they thought was their job: provided food, shelter and clothing. We also got an education but not all parents can do that, especially in these times. Still, love is the foundation and my guess is that most parents really do try to do the very best they know how. But, they saw themselves as parents, not friends.
My parents' Irish heritage, coupled with some Germanic genes, did affect their behavior and ability to relate to their offspring. But, beyond that, consider how your parents were raised, the times, the challenges, etc. for a better understanding.
You might also watch the Mad Men serious on AMC (NetFlix has DVDs of past shows). It's eye-opening to see how kids were raised in the 1960's as opposed to today. Really amazing to see that and reflect. It's also amazing to realize now, that most adults don't have all the answers. They are tossed stuff they never expected without anyone who guided them. Some poor decisions are made.
You may find someone here to talk to about this, to put things in perspective to be able to better understand and communicate with your parents. --------
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is a nonprofit, grassroots, self-help, support and advocacy organization of consumers, families, and friends of ...
===============
Then, a LL counselor would also be a good choice for both understanding your upbringing, and learning a new way to look at life - with someone who really understands about lyme.
Your husband cannot be the only one to whom you talk about what matters as you make your way through this harrowing journey of lyme treatment. A LL therapist can listen but also help you with cognitive and rational reframing regarding the past, the present and the future. Reframing can be a very good thing.
You might also check out your local lyme support groups - and, if you have energy at all, take up a hobby that has nothing to do with health issues at all but offers release and a place to experience some joy or appreciate art, music, color, architecture, food, etc. -
[ 08-11-2010, 02:57 AM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
You're much better off when you realize that you are the only person you can count on and, with luck, you'll be stronger for it.
Posts: 921 | From CT | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged |
randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
grandmother is right.
i was raised in an abusive home. a very violent father.
ah, if i only knew then what i know now.
you can only depend upon yourself. never trust another to look out for you, because as the old saying goes "expect nothing, and you won't be disappointed."
sorry but i don't have much faith in mankind.the only person to truly trust is God.
i'm learning to be a real misanthrope...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/