Born 1961 Hay River, Northwest Territories. Died 2009 Colton, Oregon. She grew up and lived in Saanichton and Victoria, and spent 13 years on Gabriola Island, where I met and fell in love with her and coaxed her down to Beaverton and finally Colton, Oregon. She was a flame that burned very brightly and inspired her communities, which included wild animal rescue, middle eastern dance, feline asthma education, Wiccan/pagan advocacy, Lyme Disease advocacy, and the Storm Large ballzboard.
She was an artist, musician, dancer, teacher, writer, and leader. She naturally collaborated with the brightest and the movers and shakers, but made everyone feel heard and included. Her sense of humor constantly surprised and delighted people. She worked so hard to please others often to the detriment of herself. She suffered from Lyme Disease, babesia and erlichiosis, depression, and other conditions and these contributed to her decline and death at age 47.
[ 06-05-2009, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: Melanie Reber ]
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
CanLyme link with more information: http://www.canlyme.com/ Posted by TerryK (Member # 8552) on :
Thanks Melanie. Very sad news indeed. Does anyone know the cause of death?
Terry
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
Damnit I hate this disease.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i am so sorry to hea this. and there are stupid people who say "oh lyme can't kill you." yeah, right....
she was young....
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
What a shame. Another loss that was unnecessary.
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Sending prayers to her family and loved ones.
So sorry to hear the news.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by LymeCFIDSMCS (Member # 13573) on :
She sounds like such an interesting person and vibrant spirit. Many prayers for her loved ones. So sad.
Posted by MY3BOYS (Member # 17830) on :
ok yall..im newbie at this..just finally dx in sept 08 and this is the third or maybe 4th death I have read about once I got my diagnosis and started hitting the research hard and heavy, I know recently there was another woman who was activist who also died from this......gotta say this is scary...
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
-
Thanks for posting this Melanie.
Great photo of her at that first flickr link. What a smile!
It's too bad she had to be in one of the very worst states for medical care, regarding lyme + co.
The Oregon Medical Board simply does not allow doctors to talk of tick-borne disease, much less to learn about or to properly treat such infections.
-
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
I am not certain at this time what the official cause of death was...but have surmised, perhaps incorrectly, perhaps not...that this may also be a suicide.
If you read the comments from her husband, he says "She just couldn't cope anymore", and "People are spending lots of time talking with me. I think it made sense to state the fact widely."
I'll try to find more information soon. Thanks to each of you for your expressions of condolences.
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
stinkbug, REST IN PEACE!
i remember you and your posts although i didn't post on the ones where you mentioend meds i was not on, etc.
i'm so sorry! thanks mel for the links you showed above, etc. i read them all, and skimmed the last one at bottom as i was having a hard time following that one.
STINKBUG, YOU ARE GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN, and you no longer have any depression and cured of lyme!
i know you'll be pounding your lyme drum in heaven for all the activism that we are doing here on earth! maybe YOU can drill some sense into our leaders in congress/CDC/IDSA....i won't hold my breath on that one; but it won't hurt either! Posted by aiden424 (Member # 7633) on :
I am so sad to hear this. It makes me so angry that it has to come to this. Stinkbug I hope you've found peace!
God Bless!
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
2 obituaries today; both age 47; both suicides.
i just emailed the other person's family using website found on his obit.
so sad; RIP KATHRYN HOPPER!! Kurt Billing joined you too. Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
So sad, just so sad. I wish this whole picture would change soon. Real soon, before we loose anymore victims to this madness.
Pam
Posted by Larkspur (Member # 5131) on :
So sorry to hear this. My condolences to her family. I hope she is in peace now.
Posted by slymed (Member # 20569) on :
Missing my friend, StinkBug (Kathryn Hopper), and very sad for her loss in February due to suicide. There's not another like her. She spent innumerable hours during the spring and summer of 2005 walking me through the hell of Lyme and, for all I know, possibly saving my life. Thanks to her, and the knowledge she gained here, I was treated appropriately early and I seem to be okay today.
Thanks all,
C.
Posted by luvs2ride (Member # 8090) on :
I receive daily devotionals from David Wilkerson, Pastor of Times Square Church. Today's devotional seems so appropriate here in light of 3 suicides now known to relate to the depression of lyme disease.
I post this in memory of Kathryn Harbor, Kurt Billings and all others suffering from this awful disease.
Be anxious for nothing; but in everything prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God Philippians 4:6
May everyone today who seeks it, know the complete love and peace and healing of the Lord our God. His arms are open to ALL who seek him.
Posted by Kreynolds (Member # 15117) on :
My prayers go out to Kathyrn's family. May God releive her from all the pain, finally.
It makes me sick to my stomach when I see this stuff, but it is the reality of the disease.
I am tired of the IDSA not realizing this. They have thier heads up there(you know what) while people are truly suffering.
What does it have to take? Millions of people?
It is a sad day, God Bless Kathryn.
Posted by treepatrol (Member # 4117) on :
God Bless Kathryn
Posted by Starfall1969 (Member # 17353) on :
I pray that your soul has found the rest that your body could not get in your Lyme-cursed life.
In heaven, praise God, there is no Lyme, no babesia, no ehrlichia, no depression, no sadness, no pain, no illness....
Heaven has gained a wonderful spirit, and I know your loved ones wait anxiously for the day they see you again.
God bless you, Kathryn.
Posted by imagine2 (Member # 3136) on :
I am so deeply sorry to hear this. My heart sank when I read this.
Mighty prayers go out to Kathryn's family and prayers of gratitude go up to Kathryn for all that she was to the lyme community and others.
Posted by nessa143143 (Member # 20340) on :
Did I misunderstand? Was it suicide or a complication from Lyme? I know that depression is a complication of Lyme, but I guess I mean a physical complication from Lyme?
Posted by Jill E. (Member # 9121) on :
I do remember her posts and of course her screen name. Now that I've seen her photos on Flickr, it is obvious she was such a vivacious person she was - so full of life with such eclectic interests. It makes this so much sadder.
My heart goes out to her husband and family.
Jill
Posted by Leelee (Member # 19112) on :
So sad. I am so sorry and praying for her family.
Posted by Lymeorsomething (Member # 16359) on :
Way too young to go....
Posted by zombie_mummy (Member # 17402) on :
"Nor shall death part us; for in the fullness of time we shall be born again at the same time and in the same place as each other;
and we shall meet, and know, and remember, and love again."
[ 06-06-2009, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: zombie_mummy ]
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
All of your beautiful sentiments bring such bittersweet tears to my eyes. I will try to get this link sent to her husband soon.
M
Posted by njlymemom (Member # 15088) on :
May her family find comfort, peace and strength.
My condolences.
Rest in Peace, Kathryn.
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
i brought up in SUPPORT a post she had made; quite entertaining!
This is so sad and scary. In Lyme Chat we average about one person a week who comes in actively suicidal. So far we haven't lost anyone, but it is the support and active voices of all of us here who happen to be in the room at the time who have undoubtedly spared some desperate souls.
That and our tendency for insomnia, and being on there late at night when one of us is feeling that low. It's a scary thing, but this brings it to the forefront of my mind, how actively we support each other along these lines on a regular basis.
Lymies saving lymies. We need more of that. We had a bright, beautiful very young woman last night who was about to shoot her PICC line full of air and end it all. We told her we would stay up with her all night if we had to.
We need each other. We need to know we can reach out to one another.
Posted by Amanda (Member # 14107) on :
The Soul at Last
The Lord's terrifying kindness has come to me.
It was only a small silvery thing--say a piece of silver cloth, or a thousand spider webs woven together, or a small handful of aspen leaves with their silver backs shimmering. And it came leaping out of the closed coffin; it flew into the air, it danced snappingly around the church rafters, it vanished through the ceiling
I spoke there, briefly, of the loved one gone. I gazed at the people in the pews, some of them weeping. I knew I must, someday, write this down.
Mary Oliver
Posted by OpalMirror (Member # 7345) on :
Hi, I am the widower of Kathryn Hopper. I'd like you to know you are invited to attend Kathryn's memorial. Details may be found at the following link:
[ 06-13-2009, 02:16 AM: Message edited by: bettyg ]
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
hi melanie,
june 20 memorial picnic for kathryn said her husband; any chance you could edit this to others know of this in oregon & perhaps they might be able to attend representing the lymenet family? thanks for consideration...
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
James - very sorry to hear of her loss. If I was in Oregon, I'd come... - Robin
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
thanks melanie! johnny on the spot! hope you are feeling better ... hugs
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
Thanks Miss BG... I think I am making some improvements.
Posted by OpalMirror (Member # 7345) on :
Thanks all for your well wishes. Betty, thank you for the poetry, that is a comfort.
I am doing well and the wrenching awfulness, confusion, and burden of carrying her suffering has mellowed to a tender missing of that crazy girl I loved so much. The copious tears have changed from mudflows to clear mountain streams. I'm not trying to get over it, just get through it, and remember her love, beauty, and grateful years spent as companions.
I am a Lyme survivor, and have had no Lyme symptoms since oral antibiotics and good healthy self-care knocked it down in ~2004. I'm not entirely sure, but maybe we did lick Kathryn's active Lyme infection using the five months of twice-weekly bicillin IM injections. I wouldn't say Lyme was the proximal cause of her death, she had a number of unrelated illnesses that along with the Lyme kept making her world smaller and smaller, and her brain less and less functional.
I did contact OLDN (Theresa) and David Johnson (coordinates Oregon Lyme meetings) and so I hope the word has gotten out amongst the local community.
Health and joy to all, James
Posted by Shosty (Member # 12232) on :
Out of concern for newcomers who might read this and think that their Lyme is potentially fatal, it might be important to emphasize that Kathryn's death was probably not related to Lyme at all, according to her husband, James.
James, we are very sorry for your loss.
Posted by heiwalove (Member # 6467) on :
james did not say her death was not related to lyme at all; he simply noted that she had other contributing factors. i think it is important to keep in mind that lyme can exacerbate and even cause suicidal ideation, so that we know to be watchful of such tendencies in order to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe.
rest in peace, kathryn.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
It is almost a "which came first, the chicken or the egg" when you Lyme, depression, and other things going on.
I'm sure Lyme had a hand in it. Thinking of you, James.....
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
opal,
i'm so glad you found comfort in the poems i've collected online & have in the link above! many of these have helped me in coping with the loss of 7 immediate families since 1979; majority from 1989 - 2001.
thanks for posting and feel free to come and visit us anytime when you are really down and wish to talk about kathryn/stinkbug! what a nickname lol
do you happen to know who she chose that nickname?
thanks for sharing that you had lyme before but got to remission.
due to the many complications that lyme creates in the other body organs, many lyme deaths do occur earlier.
yes, this board also has had when members commited suicide since they had lost everything and in all that pain with no assistance.
glad kathryn had YOU to comfort her; to love; open-minded since you had been thru lyme & its mysterious symptoms, and just .... the LOVE OF HER LIFE!
may god comfort you now and in the days, months, and years ahead.
when you miss her terribly, put on a video/dvd of her an enjoy her voice/laughter and watching her mannerisms/gestures ... she will always remain in your heart.
watch for the pennies she will leave you too!
hugs/kisses to kathryn's husband ....
Posted by Kerryblue (Member # 4077) on :
Hi, What does it take whether suicide(what does that tell the ducks) we are sick. We are kept just enough alive you do not want to be most days. I have worked with many & stayed up all night with. I lost my best friend to this very quickly she went after yrs. suffering. If you could see all people basically crawling in for help. It is so sad this being let out to keep soldiers just enough not to fight has backfired big time.
I send my love to here family/lymie friends. Sometimes harder on us because we get so close & really know truth this dang illness.
How many more the list is growing daily on put under something else, 1 of our side effects normally. That is what families are fighting for to put the truth about death of their loved 1.
Huggggsss, To all in need, Sure some can use!! Kerry
Posted by OpalMirror (Member # 7345) on :
heiwalove, the official cause was suicide, a self-administered overdose of alcohol and oxycodone. The alcohol was a coping mechanism since she was a teenager which did not serve her health and social connections well in the long term. The oxycodone was prescribed and she typically kept it within reasonable use limits, but she'd saved a large amount of unused medication up so it was on-hand. We all know that our body becomes acclimated to opiates at whatever level you're at, and it stops making its own endorphins, making opiates lose a lot of their effectiveness in the long term. Death from opiates happens because it interferes with the brain's measurement of oxygen levels and it calms/slows respiration, to the point the brain fails to realize it needs to tell the lungs to breathe. It's not a painful way to die, but everything emotional and mental leading up to that is, no doubt, very painful. While it doesn't disfigure the corpse, it is still a sad violence to the body to end a life, yet it is her choice and it is her body, and she is free of pain and confusion.
As our bodies break down from illness, age, aggressive treatments, and perhaps abuse, our brain can be one of the damaged organs. These assaults reduce our ability to choose appropriate coping mechanisms, and especially to learn new mechanisms. One really has to strive, rage against the dying of the light, to learn healthier and kinder ways of being -- because if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. Also, if you cycle on destructive coping skills it can obstruct and impair others around you in their ability to get through life, or it may alienate others. The few who understand suffering and compassion will try to help, although they can only stand so close to the fire without getting burned. I tried every thing I could to suggest, guide, cajole Kathryn to better ways of taking care of herself, and pleaded her not to make things so terribly hard on me, but we could not work it out and to take care of myself I had to step back from her life to a significant extent. It was awful because I know how much she needed me, even if she was hostile toward me, desperate for relief, mad that I could no longer believe in the impossible of a full recovery. Still I think we each parted with love, even if with heavy doses of pain and confusion.
bettyg, StinkBug was one of about 100 nicknames she came up with on a bulletin board service back in the early days of computers and modems. She loved crazy offensive names because they would put the teeny boys from hitting on her simply because she had a female name... who wants to get it on with a stinkbug, or festeringheadwound, or pustulentboil, or myhusbandis****inganotherwomanandalligotwasthislousytshirt? She took great joy in offending her way to stopping guys from hitting on her.
I know this disease and all the others has given me a very needed lesson in compassion, in respect for people challenged by suffering, of the many different kinds of suffering, and man's inhumanity to man in ignoring or idealizing away people's experience. We must find ways to embrace others and support them to whatever degree best improves the health of each and all.
My remnant here is the grief and the memory of the pain, fear, and anger at the cruel suffering people endure, and that floods out onto themselves and the ones they love. Kathryn wasn't perfect, none of us are, and she had a lot of bad days, but she was very good and a wonderful person, and I am so very blessed for all the good times, and the loving times, we had together.
If there are stories I can share or questions I can answer, any other things that may be a help to this community, I'm only too happy to share.
Kind regards to all. James
Posted by Melanie Reber (Member # 3707) on :
Wow James,
This is just so heartbreaking and I thank you sincerely for making the effort to explain the circumstances surrounding Kathryn's death.
I just can not fully grasp why some people still are unwilling to acknowledge this very real aspect of the diseased state.
I have thought of you both so much since this occurred, and even pulled up some older emails to read through... wondering, of course, what could we have done to prevent this.
In the end, it was her choice.
One that none of us should ever feel we have to make, and yet... it happens. And so sadly, more times than we are even aware of.
Personally, I feel it is vital to keep her memory alive, to share the whole story so others may learn and bless you James, for doing just that.
Melanie
Posted by btmb03 (Member # 18394) on :
James - you truly have an amazing way with words, touching indeed the amount of insight you have.
I am truly sorry for your loss - and ours.
Posted by mtree (Member # 14305) on :
So sorry for your loss James...
thank you for sharing your feelings with us....
thank you for loving your wife...
this illness takes so much from us...
I hope you can continue to think of her with out illness...suffering and in pain....
we will never forget the ones we have lost.... mtree
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Thanks for staying in touch on here. Kathryn's death really rocked this community, as happens whenever we lose a fellow Lymie.
I am amazed not only by your insight and compassion but by the fact that, no matter how much you are going through yourself, you still reach out your hand to comfort someone else who is hurting.
I am so sorry that this happened, but so glad we have come to become friends. You have helped me a great deal on my "down" days, and I almost feel guilty taking that from you.
You know I am always here to listen, and I know you have a lot of friends and great support system too.
xoxooox
Posted by bettyg (Member # 6147) on :
breaking this up for neuro folks like me can read and comprehend betty
JAMES, thanks so much for posting and updating us on things; we share your loss
quote:Originally posted by OpalMirror:
heiwalove, the official cause was suicide, a self-administered overdose of alcohol and oxycodone.
The alcohol was a coping mechanism since she was a teenager which did not serve her health and social connections well in the long term.
The oxycodone was prescribed and she typically kept it within reasonable use limits, but she'd saved a large amount of unused medication up so it was on-hand.
We all know that our body becomes acclimated to opiates at whatever level you're at, and it stops making its own endorphins, making opiates lose a lot of their effectiveness in the long term.
Death from opiates happens because it interferes with the brain's measurement of oxygen levels and it calms/slows respiration, to the point the brain fails to realize it needs to tell the lungs to breathe.
It's not a painful way to die, but everything emotional and mental leading up to that is, no doubt, very painful.
While it doesn't disfigure the corpse, it is still a sad violence to the body to end a life, yet it is her choice and it is her body, and she is free of pain and confusion.
As our bodies break down from illness, age, aggressive treatments, and perhaps abuse, our brain can be one of the damaged organs.
These assaults reduce our ability to choose appropriate coping mechanisms, and especially to learn new mechanisms.
One really has to strive, rage against the dying of the light, to learn healthier and kinder ways of being -- because if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Also, if you cycle on destructive coping skills it can obstruct and impair others around you in their ability to get through life, or it may alienate others.
The few who understand suffering and compassion will try to help, although they can only stand so close to the fire without getting burned.
I tried every thing I could to suggest, guide, cajole Kathryn to better ways of taking care of herself, and pleaded her not to make things so terribly hard on me, but we could not work it out and to take care of myself I had to step back from her life to a significant extent.
It was awful because I know how much she needed me, even if she was hostile toward me, desperate for relief, mad that I could no longer believe in the impossible of a full recovery.
Still I think we each parted with love, even if with heavy doses of pain and confusion.
bettyg, StinkBug was one of about 100 nicknames she came up with on a bulletin board service back in the early days of computers and modems.
She loved crazy offensive names because they would put the teeny boys from hitting on her simply because she had a female name... who wants to get it on with a stinkbug, or festeringheadwound, or pustulentboil, or myhusbandis****inganotherwomanandalligotwasthislousytshirt?
She took great joy in offending her way to stopping guys from hitting on her.
I know this disease and all the others has given me a very needed lesson in compassion, in respect for people challenged by suffering, of the many different kinds of suffering, and man's inhumanity to man in ignoring or idealizing away people's experience.
We must find ways to embrace others and support them to whatever degree best improves the health of each and all.
My remnant here is the grief and the memory of the pain, fear, and anger at the cruel suffering people endure, and that floods out onto themselves and the ones they love.
Kathryn wasn't perfect, none of us are, and she had a lot of bad days, but she was very good and a wonderful person, and I am so very blessed for all the good times, and the loving times, we had together.
If there are stories I can share or questions I can answer, any other things that may be a help to this community, I'm only too happy to share.
Kind regards to all. James
Posted by kelmo (Member # 8797) on :
James, you were a blessing to her.
Posted by TO LIFE (Member # 12371) on :
THIS IS WHY IT IS VITAL WE AL LEARN TO BE ARE OWN ADVOATE.
NOT EVEN A LLMD HAS THE ANSWERS FOR EVERYTHING.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Beatifully said, Kelmo. I agree.
Posted by OpalMirror (Member # 7345) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kerryblue: Hi, What does it take whether suicide(what does that tell the ducks) we are sick.
A suicide doesn't say what we want it to say, it says what others interpret it as saying... if a duck wants to deny the reality of Lyme they will continue to do so, and will explain it away as mental unbalance, until it becomes a medical review board issue, that is, they lose their license for failure to diagnose Lyme and treat it adequately. We're not accepted enough by the medical boards to demand doctors acknowledge and treat us for the core illness.
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