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((((Bejoy))))

I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad was a very lucky guy to have you for a daughter.

I'm glad that he was able to share some emotions with you before he passed, to let you know that he did care deeply.

You are such a wonderful person with an amazing gift of self-expression. Your writing always moves me.

I am so glad that you were able to draw positive lessons from what seems would have been some very difficult life lessons. Others may have become bitter from such experiences and yet you have risen like a shining beacon of positivity.

Thank you for sharing with us a glimpse of what has made you the special person we've come to know and love.

I think it can be more difficult for us to deal with the unexpected loss of a loved one because the stages of grief have to follow.

When someone suffers greatly and their loss is anticipated we often experience those stages toward the end of their illness. The grieving process afterward is shorter because we are relieved that they are no longer suffering and have already come to terms with it.

It sounds like your father would have preferred to have his life end doing something that he truly enjoyed, rather than enduring a long-suffering decline. This would be fortunate for him, but perhaps difficult for those he has left behind.

Hopefully, now that he has passed, he will watch over you and protect you. I don't know if he was able to fully appreciate what a remarkable woman he raised. I am sure that he will see that now and be very proud of you for the lessons you've learned, because of (or in spite of) his example.

Thank you Bejoy for being you, our wonderful shining beacon of positivity!


Here's some info from recover-from-grief.com.

(Just so you know, it's OK if you go through this. You can add me to your list of people to PM if you want to vent or need a shoulder and don't feel up to posting on the board.)

quote:

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Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief.

You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.

This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.

Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one.

Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else.

Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?"

You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you.

This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you.

You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past.

You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized.

Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one.

You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation.

Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness.

Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy.

But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future.

Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone.

You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

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If you should temporarily lose some of your joy, don't be too disheartened, you WILL find it again.

May God bless you, guide you & watch over you through this difficult time.

hugs & prayers,

Ali

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Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner.

Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged |