posted
I am so tired of people asking me, are you feeling better yet?! And then the look on their faces... AHHHHH!!! I want to scream. (Doesn't take much to provoke me these days. Ask my husband.
Then am I compelled to EXPLAIN? I am not expecting anyone tyo tell me what to do. Screaming suffices now. I just wonder if I am alone here?
AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 830 | From Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005
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Areneli
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6740
posted
I hope you will feel better tomorrow so you won't punch anybody.
Posts: 1538 | From Planet Earth | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
When people ask me if I'm feeling beter yet.....I usually tell them "I have had LD untreated for a VERY long time, and it will take a VERY long time for me to get better"
But at least they are asking and concerned about your health. I have some "so called" friends who choose to ignore the fact that I have this, and want to pretend I'm fine. They DO NOT ask me how I'm feeling.
In fact one "so called" friend (and I use the term loosely) rolls her eyes if I even bring up the subject of Lyme Disease.
Look on the bright side.... they care enough to ask
Hope you feel better, Lisi
Posts: 986 | From Michigan | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
I get it a lot too. Some days I say, "much better today, who knows about tomorrow" and some days I say, "Oh, not today. Maybe tomorrow will be better" They usually don't know what else to say and leave it at that. I don't let it bother me too much.
The thing that bothers me the most is those people who are ignorant, as I once was, and think I am being dramatic or pretending. Now those people I would like to punch....
Posts: 547 | From Maryland | Registered: Mar 2005
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Lymelighter
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5310
posted
I'm more pissed at those who say "Are you still sick?"
I appreciate people who care enought to ask how I'm feeling, even if it seems redundant.
posted
My biggest frustration is I want to say YES I AM. And mean it! I am sure that is part of your frustration as well. Nobody wants it more than us. Take care and peace. Posts: 221 | From S. Florida/Massachusetts | Registered: Mar 2005
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janet thomas
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7122
posted
I can't wait til Tincup finds this.
Yeah, I get it too-are you feeling better today???? What can you say?
posted
my biggest problem is that i have gotten to the point where i can now play tennis, the problem is i don't know how long, or when i wake up, sometimes i can't move, so i feel sorry for the other players and explained to them my dilemma and my disease process so that when i have to stop they do not get upset. as long as they know before i start that i'm not feeling great they understand they i may stop at any time. this group of men have been very sympathetic towards me and i greatly appreciate them as a group. so i don't mind them asking because they know i have good days and bad days and the more i play, the more good days i have.
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posted
Dave, You are from my home town! That is where I got this terrible disease! (well, or in chester county) Just interesting to see MEDIA, PA up there in the corner. Do I know you? Wanna e-mail me?
Trails PS-Ounching them would feel so good, but I never have done it.
Posts: 196 | From Mesilla, NM USA | Registered: May 2005
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"Oh, he'll feel better when it gets warmer, or sunnier, or stops raining etc.
Like the weather is the solution! Duh - its a bacteria!
Had to put up with it today. Isn't it great hubby is better because the weather is nice. Tomorrow if he is bad, the weather will be the problem as well. Thanks for letting me vent.
posted
Wow! I have never gotten so many responses from a POST and in such a short period of time! I think I struck a nerve (excuse pun) with some and some are just being supportive of me, or both.
Thanks for every single reply.
Prconn: you identified a big part of my exasperation, our exasperation. Isn't it so true. We want so much to get well...
Posts: 830 | From Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
The worst for me was when my son and I had terrible symptoms of encephilitus of many sorts.. and a family member asked me if I had tried aspirin yet
(....I punched her)
Mo
Posts: 8337 | From the other shore | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Chocolat: [B]EEEEEEAHHHHHHH-
I AM NOT SURE WHICH IS WORSE--HOW ARE YOU FEELING OR WELL, YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
OMG!!! I don't know what's worse either! Toady I got the whole you look good thing. It's sooo anoying. Its' like what's that suppossed to mean, I'm faking it or...I'm depressed cause i think I look like crap and if someone says I look good, it will solve my lyme? I don't know what to say to that, I smile and it makes me uncomfortable. Each day sucks some days, suckier, others less sucky!My chem teacher made me write a test today. It was supposed to be tomorrow, But he was like you look good today! well guess what, i flunked it cause happened to fell EXTREMELY sick cognitively!! Frustrated Lynn
posted
One year ago I was in the same boat. I have a colleague who asked me every single morning how I was doing and I had to answer: bad! And everytime she asked stupidly: why? And I had to explain this disease to her over and over again.
One day I was so tired of it and screamed: Ask me again in 2 years! I had to repeat this for some more days but now she isn't asking anymore. What a relief.
Now I used this recipe also for other people. Nobody is asking me anymore. Which is a pity because nowadays there are days where I could answer: pretty good!
TheCrimeOfLyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4019
posted
I always just say one thing:
It's as good as it gets right now.
They don't know what I mean and usually stop asking me questions.
Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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TheCrimeOfLyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4019
posted
Mo,
I just had to ask.. did you really punch her? I laughed at that. I'm so evil.
Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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Pocono Lyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5939
posted
You're Not supposed to punch them???
Posts: 1445 | From Poconos, PA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Michelle M
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7200
posted
I feel that people really mean it when they ask me how am I feeling. I have the neuro type of Lyme with my worst problem being massive headaches. One look at me will tell you my pain level.
When it's really bad (i.e., yesterday), the girls at my office will bend over backwards to take most of my calls, go get my lunch, help me out, ask if I am feeling better.
When I am having a "good head day," my worst problem really is only being really tired, so I have to gently remind people, "I know I look like I'm OK, but I DO have Lyme disease so even though I look fine, I am NOT quite as fine as everyone seems to think."
I will take a share of the blame for this myself as having Lyme disease has thus far not changed anything in my life. I get up at 5:00 a.m. I am a single parent. I work full time in a crazy busy law office. I come home, cook, take care of a house, teenager, horse, dogs, cats, critters, and finally, drop like a stone around 10:30 p.m. There is no time to be sick, so I push myself and push myself, and now everyone has come to expect that I always will. Even me.
Posts: 3193 | From Northern California | Registered: Apr 2005
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Lymelighter
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5310
posted
Good point Doc. The Donald must get cross w/you when you cancel out on him after schlepping just a few holes. Hopefully the Martinis & Massages at Maralago are adequate solace.
I hate to be so fickle with my plans and it frustrates many of my cronies. As you know, Lyme can be so unpredictable that you never know how you may feel from day to day.
It is so frustrating to have to explain to people all the time because unless they have experienced this nightmare called lyme themselves, they have no idea at all.
I am currently on abx for lyme, was undiagnosed for two years and have serious neurological damage. Even when I showed my family the positive Western Blot from Igenex, they had no idea what it meant to me or what a struggle it was just to find a doctor who would listen and start treatment.
So now when they say "You've been on treatment for a few months now, why aren't you fine?" or "I thought lyme was cured with antibiotics?" or "So, are you ready to go back to work soon?" I say that some days are good and some days are bad. This is going to take a long time.
Yes, punching them sounds like a great idea, if I had the strength to do it!!
[This message has been edited by long2bbetter (edited 07 June 2005).]
Posts: 44 | From Canada | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
The Minnesota version of the question is: "You're feeling better aren't ya?"
Posts: 133 | From Rocheser, MN, USA | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Yes, I think you struck a nerve, so to speak. ;-)
Here are the ones I hate the most.
Ran into someone who used to be my personal trainer for pilates until about a year ago. He was well aware of what was going on with me. Ran into him earlier this week and he just says... "how are you feeling"... good?
How the heck are you supposed to answer that? I felt like saying...Oh yes... I feel just wonderful. That's why you haven't seen me in the gym in an eon and why you still see me sitting on my rear end right now.
In reality, I just said .. "fine".
Or... someone, who I guess is a fairly good friend, who told me a couple of months ago... "enjoy it while you can". Now, I know I should have asked her what she meant by that, but I just said nothing. It made me feel that she thought I was enjoying all this. Yes, I enjoy pain, being poked and prodded and spending the money that I saved over the last 20 years on doctors and body workers. I JUST LOVE IT!!! Wouldn't anyone???
This disease is bad enough without being treated like you have an imaginary disease, or you have some kind of unresolved psychological problem.
Many times, I have wished I had something else that people had heard of, even if it was potentially fatal. Why? Because either traditional medicine would fix it, or you would die. Either way, it would be over.
I guess I understand these folks in a way. I wouldn't have believed that a body could react this way, had I not personally experienced it.
posted
Not too many people know I have Lyme. If I told extended family members 4 years ago, they haven't mentioned it since.
There is a woman at my daughter's dance studio who was talking about sarcoidosis and Lyme, because one of her friends was sick. I confided in her a little about being sick with Lyme.
Six months later she asked me how I was doing and if I was any better, and I said some days are good, some are bad.
To tell you the truth, I was extremely touched by her question. It's pretty lonely at times feeling like this, with noone knowing, and although I don't want to tell that many people, it was kind of nice to have someone ask about it.
[This message has been edited by Lyddie (edited 07 June 2005).]
posted
"How are you" doesn't bother me as much as "When are you going to get better?"
Posts: 449 | From Vermont | Registered: Nov 2004
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docdave130
Unregistered
posted
my own mom keeps asking me when i'm going to get better, i told her just live with it , it may never get better. you know thw windows are always open at donald's place and a nice 1000meter len would get great pictures of donald and new girl friend, i think the wife is history already. for $100,000 a year you to can belong to his beach club and mingle with the gingle.
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posted
This is just a little off the subject but I have a lot of people ask me if the MD's have finally figured out what is wrong with me. They say it so sweetly like I have cancer and am going to die soon. Then when I tell them it's Lyme disease they say "OH, well that's treatable". Like Lyme disease is no big deal.
Sounds to me like they need to be defibbed, then asked, "annie, annie...uh,I mean Jose, no Julio...Otto?...a-r-r-r y-e O-k-a-y?! Ah y-e-s!Ye be lookin' g-r-r-r-a-n-d!"
posted
It really depends on who it is and why I think they are asking as far as whether or not I get mad at the question. If it is out of nothing more then care or concern I actually appreciate it. A lot of the time, I am more frustrated by the fact that if I say I am feeling better, I would be lying. What really gets me pissed is when people say, "you look fine" or "that doesn't sound that bad"
Posts: 99 | From California | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
I've been fortunate. Some professional collegues have been checking up on me since the beginning, calling regularly to ask how I'm doing. They have genuine concern which I'm very, very grateful for.
Then there is my mother. After Thanksgiving when I was a total basket case, too weak to sit up for a whole meal, she didn't call for weeks. Then one morning she called in an adsurdly cheerful voice chirping "how is everything, what's new". I told her I didn't have enough energy to do anything new. She asked why and I reminded her that I have Lyme disease. She replied "oh I thought you would be over that by now.
I asked her if she found it odd that I couldn't sit up in a chair at Thanksgiving and could barely complete simple tasks. She changed the subject.
Some friends have been great, others launch into this whole thing about I feel so bad for you, it's so unfair, I could never cope if it happened to me....
I wish they would just ask me in a concerned way "how is it going, can I help out in any way".
I won't punch anyone because the ones I want to punch are as dense as a brick wall. I don't need a knuckle injury on top of everything else.
posted
People think I am better because I don't have the pic line anymore. If they see me driving the car or walking to my mailbox, they think it's all over. I have lost many friends because they just could care less....guess they weren't friends to begin with. I have two people plus my parents who truly understand and I'm thankful for them. They others only worry about the weight I can't lose. "Oh, you should try my trainer, or join my gym, perhaps yoga or water aerobics!" I can't even do my laundry or vaccuum - how am I going to work out? I took one walk to the park and spent the rest of the week in bed.... do you think that would be a hint?
posted
When I haven't seen someone in awhile (like at church) - and they ask - I usually say:
"It's a roller coaster ride, and I can't get off..." OR "The treatment makes me feel worse, and since I feel worse I guess that means I'm getting better."
However, right after I was diagnosed & went to my inlaws for Christmas --- AAAAAhhh!!
My father-in-law (who likes to irritate me for the sport of it) said:
"You just have too many doctors, and are on too many medications. Just take an aspirin a day for your heart and you'll feel better."
Then a couple of days later -- I think it was during Christmas Eve dinner he asked:
"Do you just stay sick because you need the attention?"
At that point I took a deep breath and said, "Yeah, you're probably right. I think maybe this is all PSYCHOsomatic; I think I'll stop taking all my meds and MOVE IN WITH YOU and let your home be my private SANITORIUM!"
Surprisingly, he left me alone after that. (Of course everyone at the dinner table was giving him a dirty look, so that helped.)
ALSO, when I first told my dear socialite sister-in-law about my diagnosis, she said:
"Now, you'll eventually die from this, right?"
Apparently they don't cover the correct etiquette for speaking with someone who is chronically ill in her Southern Living magazine.
I just told her I was just starting to read up on it, and I hadn't gotten that far in the book!
Fortunately no one has said anything that stupid to me during a Lyme rage. I might not be responsible for my actions!
------------------ DR. Wiseass - not a real doc - just a real wise ass. www.twistoflyme.blogspot.com
posted
DR. Na uh. She didn't really say that, did she? You are going to die from that? She is a scary person. Let me guess, she takes after her father?! Just a wild guess.
I wouldn't mind punching her. Or better yet, maybe some day a deer tick will "punch" her. They say, what goes around comes around...
Holidays must be fun around the in-laws.
Posts: 830 | From Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005
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Kara Tyson
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 939
posted
I am just glad that someone takes the time to ask.
The only time I get annoyed is when the person then proceeds to tell me how I might become antibiotic resistant, how antibiotics are bad for you, ect.
[This message has been edited by Kara Tyson (edited 11 June 2005).]
posted
People! Help!!! Read my post today "persistant Lyme, now what?" and read the answer I got from someone who told me that perhaps I needed to join a sports team!!!
My reply probably isn't too nice, but this is a prime example of people - even those who have Lyme's Disease - who clearly don't understand what we have to deal with!
[This message has been edited by NCLymie (edited 11 June 2005).]
[This message has been edited by NCLymie (edited 11 June 2005).]
posted
The worse for me was when my husband's aunt at a big Christmas gathering said " Be thankful you don't have cancer." Her twenty something son was cured of cancer. Then when I was diagnosed with m.s. everybody actually acted like now you have something. No I have to correct myself the worse was my husband for the last 4 out of 6 years with this disease saying "how do you know how your going to feel tomoorow"
Well since I had just had a baby and a two year old son-could bearly walk and had bell's palsey and extreme pain- I KNEW IWASN"T GOING TO FEEL BETTER THE NEXT MORNING. I am now better than I was;and, he understands a little bit more.Whew-guess I still had a little pent up anger there. ~jackie
posted
What really irks me the most is that most folks do not even know what Lyme disease is? If I am having a really bad day, week or weeks, my patience is short, and I do not feel like explaining about Lyme.
Now I just say...not good today....or okay today. I have found in my 34 yr journey, that most folks do not really care..that could include family. They do not even want to know what Lyme is or read stuff I use to send them.
Another thing I hear that irks me is, "We do not have ticks here"!!! I have even heard that from ducks in KY. Watch out folks...the ticks are a coming...OYE
Other than being a "lonely" disease...those two things irk me the most.
Jean
Posts: 324 | From Lexington, KY, USA | Registered: Dec 2001
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Kara Tyson
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 939
posted
I had someone actually tell me they wished they had Lyme so they could take my medication and lose some weight.
I was thinking at the time, can you imagine someone going up to a cancer patient and saying, "I wish I had cancer, so I could go thru chemo and lose some weight".
quote:Originally posted by perplexed: What really irks me the most is that most folks do not even know what Lyme disease is? If I am having a really bad day, week or weeks, my patience is short, and I do not feel like explaining about Lyme.
Now I just say...not good today....or okay today. I have found in my 34 yr journey, that most folks do not really care..that could include family. They do not even want to know what Lyme is or read stuff I use to send them.
Another thing I hear that irks me is, "We do not have ticks here"!!! I have even heard that from ducks in KY. Watch out folks...the ticks are a coming...OYE
Other than being a "lonely" disease...those two things irk me the most.
Jean
Oh yeah! I love the people who say I wish I could sleep all day. I always snap back not if you HAD to. Then there was the infectious disease doc who had all my positive work on lyme from another doc and just said -we don't get lyme in Missouri. Then I told him I had previously lived in New York and New Jersey a some years earlier. He basically just laughed at me and sent me on my way. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH ~jackie
posted
I try to remind myself that most people are truly IGNORANT about LD. They for the most part are not wanting to cause pain. Also, my husband who is the one who is sick, has a great attitude. He almost always answers "OK, for a sick guy!" Even when he feels like he wants to die.
I think that's sufficient for most people who may just be asking as a means of a light greeting and really don't care. But when a doctor asks him, I'd prefer he be a bit more specific! LOL
There is one woman at church though, who annoys me because she is battling her cancer not with chemo or radiation, but with "healthy eating" and she is on a mission to convince everyone that the answer to any illness is in avoiding processed foods, flour and sugar!
Now we have actually made some changes in his diet, we can actually converse with her, but I also make sure she knows it will NOT cure him - it will only help his body fight back.
Posts: 160 | From Abington, PA, USA | Registered: May 2005
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3greatkids
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3838
posted
The sports team was an error and the person did come back and try to make an apology,so please understand that it was a difference in communication only.I think she had your best interest at heart!!
Golly,with this Lyme I think I have a leather skin now and could care less what people say or think about the way I'm suppose to feel or look or act.
I have found out who my true friends are,I have found people that truly want to understand this disease...the rest...well,they are a drain on my precious energy.Good riddance.
posted
I didn't see the language barrier part until after I came to this post. I really wanted help in knowing what to do with persisten Lyme, not advice on exercise ... also really looking to talk to people who have chronic/persisten Lyme and I do believe there is a difference with that and those who were just bitten and on antibiotics.
Obviously I'm having a bad day. I could care less what people think, but when I am asking for advice, I'd like to get good advice, not "you need to exercise". That's like someone telling me to brush my teeth.
I do think she meant well and I don't mean to birate her, however, it's an example of the lack of knowledge people have about peristent Lyme. We need to educate people
Perhaps we need to have a panel on Oprah - that would get the word out!
posted
I can't believe all the things I've been reading in these posts....I won't take it for granted anymore that nobody has said anything except nice things to me, and I've been sick for a year. And I live in Vermont! Even my clients (I'm a consultant) have been understanding if it takes me longer than expected to finish a project. My boyfriend's 5-year old son even says to me, you need to rest, you have Lyme disease. I'm also lucky because my family and friends live in NY, CT, MA, PA and NJ, so they know what Lyme is.
Well I guess all we can do is try to educate people.
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