Topic: Who pretends to be HEALTHY to keep their job
lymeHerx001
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posted
I find myslef doing this more and more, up and down all day here and there, lifting laptops and taking stairs.
I put on a smile so they dont stare. I allready went the route of self pity with writing a letter to me boss while I was on probation. It went over like a lead ballon.
Now a days I just "fake" being healthy.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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lymeHerx001
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It doesnt help that Im in the tri-state area where everybody is competative and survival of the fittest reigns supreme.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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seekhelp
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posted
I wish I could fake it and be at that health level. I can't function period. Posts: 7545 | From The 5th Dimension - The Twilight Zone | Registered: Mar 2008
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lymeHerx001
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posted
Thats what I used to think and then I really had to push myself. I realized I can more, alleit in pain.
Dont know why I still pay for a gym membership when I cant work out.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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seekhelp
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posted
Yeah, part of me gets sad because I used to go to Ballys. My membership expired 9+ months ago and I get sent reinstatement offers that are so incredibly priced. I always think I should sign up and then reality smacks me in the face and says how can you even go idiot. lol. Someday I hope I can again.
I'm glad you are able to function. As many say here, it's important for self-esteem and money. I think I could beat pain or tolerate. It's the endless neuro feelings that make life impossible to go through (dizziness, head pressure, lightheadedness, hot flashes, chills, and much more). I have a high-intensity job where being @ 25% will not get me through. Faking won't work. They expect results).
Posts: 7545 | From The 5th Dimension - The Twilight Zone | Registered: Mar 2008
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lymeHerx001
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Its funny you mention, because I think of myself having little self esteem and little money.
I work for a school and Im basically working for insurance and medication.
I know a thing or too about dizzyness, I have been chronically dizzy now for 6 years. Its not fun.
Went to Yale and they did all these tests. Came back normal and they gave me a saline spray. Said I could have migrane associated vertigo.
What I need to do is buy some more shovels for all the donkey crap that comes out of their mouths.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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I even made up a blatant lie as to why I had to cut my hours. I work in a restaurant and it's just becoming too much for me, so I had them heavily cut my hours and I told them it was because I was doing an internship on the side.
My best friend, who tries to be supportive, but just doesn't really get it, couldn't understand why I lied. "Why don't you just tell them that you're sick" he asked?
I don't tell them because I know I look normal, and I know how people look at me when I say I'm sick. They look at me like I'm pretending, or lying. They look at me like I'm lazy and just don't want to do the job. So I don't even bother trying to let people know what's really going on anymore, because people just don't get this disease.
It's sad that I've had to resort to lies, but that's what happens when there's such ignorance surrounding this disease.
Posts: 34 | From New Hampshire | Registered: Mar 2009
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steve1906
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posted
Good one: I never seen this question asked!!!
I've been able to keep my job but I do pretend to be healthy everyday.
When my big problems all started around 15 months ago I tried talking to people about it at work ``well'' AS WE ALL KNOW NO ONE Believed ME).
It's just part of having lyme; I think we all pretend each and everyday at some level so people don't feel sorry for US...
Good question herx001>
Take care, Roy from Boston, MA
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I used to try to hide it. Everyone thought I was so funny and a happy go lucky person who had problems, but was so strong she could overcome anything.
Then, I just couldn't do it anymore, and of course no one believed me. I am now home on disabiliy and I am having to fight for it because, I look ok.
UGH!
Shalome
Posts: 893 | From Florida | Registered: Dec 2008
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lymeHerx001
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posted
You know what they say.....................
fake it till you make it,
I dont know exactlly what we are making but we do try, dont we.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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Beverly
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Member # 1271
posted
Yep, I fake being healthy all the time. My boss knows I have lyme as my daughter got me the job, so she kinda knows when I am having a bad day. It's still hard tho my co-workers do not know.
I hide stuff all the time to get through it. And I did have to cut my hours, there is no way I could work a 40 hour week; job is way too stressful.
I am better now tho compared to when I first started my treatment or prior to starting treatment. Ambien and pain meds do help me to function at some level.
-------------------- God Bless You! Everything..is just my opinion. Posts: 6641 | From Michigan | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
I fake it all day long......I work 40 hours....if I even say I don't feel well, I get made fun of and told to suck it up!
Posts: 85 | From Staten Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Everyone at work now knows I have Lyme. That's only 4 others... but I told them, especially since I have to miss a whole day for each LLMD appointment.
I tried to hide it at first, but they could tell... I didn't join their running club, can't eat certain things when we go out to lunch... it was just getting obvious that something is wrong with me!
At my last job they kept thinking I was pregnant, but after months and months and no baby... lol.
I just try to stay positive. They can all tell when I feel worse than other times and are sympathetic. Their expectations of me are still the same, but since this is such a huge part of my life, I'm not going to hide it entirely for 8 hours every day.
Posts: 236 | From Washington | Registered: Jul 2008
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lymeHerx001
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posted
quote:Originally posted by Elizabeth Erin: I fake it all day long......I work 40 hours....if I even say I don't feel well, I get made fun of and told to suck it up!
Thats new york for ya!
Its times like these that we wish we had cancer just for the respect.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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steve1906
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posted
Elizabeth... I laughed when I read your reply.
I fake it all day long...Would you like to tell us what line of work or in!!!
LOL - I'm just kidding; but you did put a smile on my face, THANKS,
Roy
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I could fall over in this place and they would walk over me, I am not kidding!!!! It's a sin!
Posts: 85 | From Staten Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
i also pretend to be healthy at work. i even go to the toilet when i have to take my pills. being seriously sick is too intimate. i dont want my colleges to know.
Posts: 226 | From earth | Registered: Sep 2007
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posted
I have an online business and I have been faking it for almost 2 years. I would close my store everytime I started a new abx. I try to keep it going, one day at a time. Flagyl and CSM really take me down a few notches. I can't walk very well, type with one finger, hold the phone with both hands. Good times!
posted
I'm an engineer for the state. I used to do more work than 90% of the people there. It used to make me sick that some people did nothing all day and abused the system, now I thank god I'm not in the private world.
I got sick 9 months ago and even though I want to work I sit there and zone. I do about a fifth of what I used to do. It gets done, but slowly. Luckily I have a job where I can get away with it for now.
I've told everyone at work about this and I think 70% of them think I've gone nuts. I could care less.
The pain isn't what hinders my job, it's the brain fog. I feel like I have a hangover every damn day.
I've decided if becoming a ghost is possible I'm going to haunt the IDSA. Wormser better hope I don't go before him.
Posts: 743 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2009
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
herx, are you a teacher?
john, i too am a former state employee; was one for 30 yrs. 7 months until my health got so bad 10 yrs. ago ...I QUIT with NO BENEFITS because i was only 49 and you had to be 55 to RETIRE W/BENEFITS.
hubby RETIRED 1 yr. prior to me so as a spouse i was COVERED BY BCBS! yippee on meds, etc., but not on lyme disease.
i was on of th top sick leave users in my division for many years due to 10 plus major surgeries, etc. while this was going on.
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steve1906
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Hey John S....
you said> I've decided if becoming a ghost is possible I'm going to haunt the IDSA. Wormser better hope I don't go before him.
I'm ready John; lets go get them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Roy
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I started a new job a couple months before becoming sick, so...ya know.
I've been working there for almost 2 years now and was diagnosed about a year ago. They think I should have been "cured" about 10 months back.
I am currently off of abx due to elevated liver enzymes and it is really taking all this to a new level. I honestly don't know how I will make it the 6 more weeks until my next blood test.
I guess we all "fake it" so we aren't labeled NUTTY. I know I don't look sick but the muscles in my body are aching every day now(mostly back, arms & neck). I wake up in pain and go to bed in pain. There are of course many more sx.
Yeah, the gym is a distant memory. I am happy to make through each day at work and go home and hibernate in my bath tub.
Lymeorsomething
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Member # 16359
posted
I've been doing that a good two years now. Remarkably, I've probably missed less work than most of my co-workers but it has taken its toll.
Of course, there isn't much alternative. I could work and have insurance or rest and have no means to fight the infections...
-------------------- "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong." Posts: 2062 | From CT | Registered: Jul 2008
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sixgoofykids
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Member # 11141
posted
If you are healthy enough to pretend, you are blessed. When I was sick, I couldn't even pretend to walk by myself. I looked sick because I needed help just to walk.
It would be very difficult for anyone who is sick, at whatever level, to pretend day after day. Hang in there, and work on getting well.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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I pretend nothing is wrong at all, when there is! As I said earlier, I am know as the anxiety ridden mess at my job. So I keep it to myself no matter how I feel. The president of my company actually mentioned medical costs in a metting, and the whole room turned an looked at me. I don't care, if they only KNEW what this was like....they would poke their eye out Posts: 85 | From Staten Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2007
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disturbedme
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posted
I don't know how some of you do it. I can't. I had to resign from my job and was so sad to have had to. I just couldn't handle the dizziness, lightheaded and wooziness, feeling like a zombie, feeling like I might lose consciousness at any time, and any other number of crazy symptoms that decide to plague me on a certain day.
-------------------- One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. ~ Helen Keller
My Lyme Story Posts: 2965 | From Land of Confusion (bitten in KS, moved to PA, now living in MD) | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
I ask myself the same question everyday....
I drive to work 35-40 min each day with the feeling of doom!!! I hope to continue to work, if I stayed home & thought about it all day....I would lose my mind.
I have a daughter, she is 9, she keeps me going. The ridicule that I go through at work is so sad. If I passed out from a seizure (which I was dx w/ also) I have this horrible fear that they wouldn't help me.
Posts: 85 | From Staten Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Someone just asked me the same thing today; how i do it...luckily i work for the feds so my job isn't too demanding (not to say other federal jobs arent, but you catch my drift)...near impossible to hide the pain and the ice bag on my back/neck though. sometimes i don't know how i do it; just do.
Posts: 588 | From Wallingford, CT USA | Registered: Sep 2003
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Especially in the summer, and heaven forbid you asked for a day off.
I either rub icy-hot on all day, or sit on a heating pad. They make fun, who cares...
I love when they ask me...."How did you get "LYMES" lol disease....I just look at them and laugh to myself... Just keep our heads up....
Posts: 85 | From Staten Island, NY | Registered: Nov 2007
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lymeHerx001
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posted
wow I never realized the big lie we are all caught in!
Its amazing.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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lymeHerx001
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quote:Originally posted by John S: I'm an engineer for the state. I used to do more work than 90% of the people there. It used to make me sick that some people did nothing all day and abused the system, now I thank god I'm not in the private world.
I got sick 9 months ago and even though I want to work I sit there and zone. I do about a fifth of what I used to do. It gets done, but slowly. Luckily I have a job where I can get away with it for now.
I've told everyone at work about this and I think 70% of them think I've gone nuts. I could care less.
The pain isn't what hinders my job, it's the brain fog. I feel like I have a hangover every damn day.
I've decided if becoming a ghost is possible I'm going to haunt the IDSA. Wormser better hope I don't go before him.
\
John I have the brain fog every day too! Except I got sick at 13 and only had some clear days taking overseas memory drugs. Now EVERY DAY IS LIKE THAT>
You are right, the pain is one thing, but the fog takes away your life. You feel like a ghost. Absolute worst.
I think Im good for an hour after I have my morning coffee and then the fog creeps back in .
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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steve1906
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posted
It is amazing!!! this is the year 2009 and they can't even fix Lyme!!!
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I recall I tried to hide the pain when I had all those jobs. Finally, they ended it for me, asking me to take a leave of absence to "get better", but of course I didn't.
When people can understand, and we can tell them, it's a beautiful thing, but in general, I still find too much ignorance about this condition.
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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posted
I work as a transcriptionist in a rheumatology office. There are 3 doctors there. I have to drive 7 hours to see my doctor. My boss's husband died of multiple schlerosis. It is amazing what these insurance companies have done out of greed. I think the word is murder.
-------------------- Dying is easy. Living is harder. Posts: 257 | From owensboro kentucky | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Everyone at my office knows my situation. Although they know, they cannot relate. I function as much as I can. Yes, I do put on a smiley face at times when I really feel like crying and hiding under my desk.
My boss said he would do anything to help me out though and if that meant typing a letter for disabilty, he would. However, I cannot just live on disabilty and I think they would deny me because I can walk and talk. I just cannot freaking think amoung other things.
Posts: 171 | From the land of oz | Registered: Feb 2009
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LisaS
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posted
I faked it for a long time. Then it got so bad I was really messing up at my job. I started to complain about my symptoms and could tell that it annoyed everyone. Eventually I started having fainting spells at work and I just had to stop. It is so hard to act like you well when youre not. And I think this is the only disease where you have to. Other diseases get sympathy!
posted
Yep...I'm a daily fake job too, mind you, I work only half time. When I first got sick I wasn't working and there would have been no way, my functioning was severely impaired.
Now I can fake it. The really crazy thing is...I can also trail run with some running buddies...but, my neuro symptoms are still way out of control; but the balance at this point isn't so bad I can't run (it used to be difficult to even walk).
Anyway...my LLND is now discussing IV as my response to 13 months on orals hasn't been that great. I can't help but worry what others will think; I mean I actually "look" really healthy, I have the body of an athlete but the nervous system of a crack addict - which nobody can see, go figure. TS
Posts: 566 | From West Coast | Registered: May 2008
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Vermont_Lymie
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Member # 9780
posted
Yes, that is what I have to do. I learned the hard way not to mention lyme to superiors at work.
Spoke to a sympathetic boss last year, and turned out that his wife and brother are ID doctors!!! So needless to say, this did not go well for me.
TS, lol! "I have the body of an athlete but the nervous system of a crack addict"
Posts: 2557 | From home | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
I am trying SO SO SO SO hard to keep my job. To keep going.....to keep working to keep my mind from going mental....it's hard!!! So hard when you have no money and all these bills. When you just want to go home and rest because your so sick, but you can't because you've missed too many days at work.
It's hard
All i know is there is a reason why we all are suffering right now.....I hope this pain will give us some justice in the near future.
-------------------- May God Bless you, answer your prayers, relieve you of your pain and make you stronger than what you are today. Ameen. Posts: 341 | From Columbia, MD | Registered: Jan 2009
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
i really feel for all of you above! those of you on single income with children at home...
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posted
...maybe we should just tell everyone that we have a rare cancer that causes (insert lyme symptoms here).
I faked it for the 6 years it took me to graduate from college. the last year i swear nearly killed me.
i was able to fake three interviews to professional schools and gained acceptance to all three. Take that spirochetes!! I mean **cough cough** rare cancer that's difficult to treat.
-------------------- ...trying to be the coffee bean, not the egg. Posts: 420 | From East Coast | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
That's funny, Green! My rare cancer has spread to my joints this week, it was in my lungs last week, and you know,
I feel like it's gonna move north to me noggin the following week, but only for seven days until it settles down in my big toe once again.
I try to irradiate it each time it goes somewhere else with natural solar radiation. See, I'm into living green. Seems to work - it moves on to a new area each time.
I like the sound of this explanation. It's so...je ne sais quoi...flexible...I've got the rare Gumby cancer, you know...
Posts: 13171 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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posted
I am a pre-school teacher...no need to tell you about my daily stresses...LOL
I have to admit that everyone of my co-workers know that I have Lyme and some of the parents. We are like a family at this school and wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't share this with them. In this respect I am very lucky.
I do still believe that they are all in the dark about this disease though. I try to educate as much as possible, but I know they just don't get it.
I am also not as bad as most. After reading some of your stories I am extremely lucky to be functional for the most part.
I was just recently asking my co-workers if they would like to walk with me or donate for the Spotlight on Lyme walk and when a few asked me how I was feeling I broke down and cried.
As much as I have shared with them, I did hide all the pain I felt and the neuro stuff that I went through in the begining. When I first started treating I was an all around mess and I guess I hid that quite well because the responded with "we had no idea how bad you were"
We also joke alot about our afflictions (one other person I work with has had a pos WB and believes that she is ok, but I keep telling her she is not) because we all have something going on and that helps me cope without losing sight of the severity of this disease.
I am much better now and hope that each day I just get better and better and bring more and more awareness to my co-workers, friends and family.
Posts: 193 | From New Jersey | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
I've been out of work since Aug 08, I work at an answering service. I desperately need to go back. Short term disability has ended and we need my income.
You can't answer phones if you can't stop stuttering, find the right words or comprehend what someone has said to you (brain fog).
My speech isn't so bad now but my workplace isn't accessible and I'm in a wheelchair because my balance is so poor. We merged with a larger service & moved from 10 min away to 45 min just before I got sick. That's too far for me to get a ride.
I'm about to ask the owner to put a remote unit in my home. They did it for another employee when we merged & she took it to Florida when she moved. She wasn't disabled, just didn't drive.
It's expensive and I'm afraid he'll say no. I've been at the job for 10 years, worked during cancer treatment, filled in when needed (12-16 hr shifts), stayed during snowstorms when others wouldn't come in. Did a lot of stuff on my own time to make it easier for trainees. Let's see how my loyalty gets rewarded.
Wish me good luck folks, I'm going to need it.
Posts: 151 | From Kingston NY | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
Oh yeah, I'm not telling them I have constant pain in my joints, headaches and days when I can't see straight. I need to work.
Posts: 151 | From Kingston NY | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
I faked it for several months through worsening symptoms. But after my PCP blindly gave me steroids (before I figured out this was Lyme!), I got too sick to even fake it.
Around the time I first saw my LLMD, it was suggested at work that I take a leave of absence.
But I knew my treatment would take much longer than I could afford to go without income/insurance, so I compromised and managed to get approval to go part time.
Most ppl at work know I am sick, but not the details. I told the other people with my same title that I was reducing my hours indefinitely due to health. I didn't want them to think I was just totally lazy/disinterested.
I relate to how John S describes it. Lots of days, I stare at my monitor and just try to hold back the urge to cry and/or put my head down, because I am too foggy and in too much discomfort to concentrate.
I've noticed that if I have more engaging work with other people, I can fake it. But most (99%) of the time, I work independently. That makes it really tough to not zone out or get distracted by all of the weird symptoms.
Posts: 455 | From Was in PA, then MD, now in the Midwest | Registered: Nov 2008
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lymeHerx001
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posted
gerifrog thats terrible! But I know me saying that doesnt really make anything much better.
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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lymeHerx001
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Member # 6215
posted
this brings up a whole diffent issue of self esteem for me.
I have in my record a letter that I typed to my boss to try and justify why my performance was so poor. In it I stated all my symptoms
back pain vertigo chemical sensitvity mold sensitivity muscle pain leg pain dizzyness fatigue brain fog memory problems anxiety.
now Im thinking that If I go for another job and they ask to see my record they will hold this against me.
I just cant see working my way toward $10,000 in debt,
It makes me sick! I need to find a free counselor because paying for one bothers me too!
Posts: 2905 | From New England | Registered: Sep 2004
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I was told to file for disability. I can't afford my meds NOW. We need my income. I can't wait years, through all the appeals, in the hope SSD will be approved.
Since the "powers that be" don't consider chronic Lyme to exist it's a losing battle. I am very down right now.
Sadly, Gerifrog
Posts: 151 | From Kingston NY | Registered: Nov 2008
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