I had been doing foot baths and body baths before.

This works better. I did have a little redness in splotches when finished. I left the clay on an hour this time. It still was not dry in all areas.

I just really like the way my body feels afterwards. It almost feels normal.

A friend called tonight to tell me she has ordered a case or a half of case for me of the clay.

Boy has this condition changed my life. It is Friday night and I am excited about getting out of the shower after a clay detox!

I think I found something that is working!

This clay is used on horses and cattle too for lame legs, etc.

I took 1/2 tsp of mepron with my meal. Shortly after, my head was swimming and the weakness set in. I wasn't able to sit upright anymore.

The NP suggested I try taking the mepron at night.

I think I am finishing off the rocephin this week.

It seemed my head was almost clear and I was able to do a little around the house until I started back on the IV rocephin and mepron.

I am not going to take any medication today to see if that helps.

It has been for at least 3 days now. I also had the same stuff going on in the stomach or intestine area yesterday.

I am not sure what the next plan of attack is. I will talk with LLMD soon.

I waited until 10:30 am for the house to warm up enough to be naked and spread cold clay on me.

I should have waited longer. HA! I am cold.
It took an hour last time for the clay to dry. I have been heating the house since 6:00 am. The heater is not working very well.

I also took a teaspoon of mepron this am and will take another this evening. I seemed to be OK this time. Time will tell.

I have a final appointment with the workmen's comp attorney today. It will be a miracle if they are able to relate this to work.

The only thing I have is that several of us came down sick the same time with the same symptoms. Doctor's are able to figure this out or help us out. The others are not willing to pay out of pocket and see a lyme doc. They do not feel it will help there case. They are OK with the CFS dx. They also have worked long enough that they will get medical retirement benefits so finances are not as big of a concern as they are for me.

I just hope I don't go in a slump after todays meeting.

I talked to the NP yesterday about what the LLMD said. She has been able to get the IV Rocephin for me in the past. She said she will talk to her doc but it looks like they will no longer be able to help.

When I told her my LLMD wanted the blood work every two weeks she said I needed to find another way to get the blood drawn.

When she does it, it takes her at least an hour to get it back to the lab. This is not good. It means the blood work may not be valid. AFter 6 months, she tells me this. I thought she was only doing the blood work once a month because my blood work was fine and she felt we didn't need to draw it every two weeks. You got to wonder about things sometimes.

Local docs are still not working with my LLMD and the local lab will not draw the blood unless they have an order from local docs. So, this could be an obstacle.

LLMD would like me to continue on IV rocephin, mepron, and start back up on the zithromax.

At this point, I am not sure how these drugs will be provided. He said something about sending me paper work.

I was able to write down what he told me this time although it was recorded all over the page just as my mind was working that moment. At least the hand, processing and writing skills were working.

He also said he wanted me to order the podipatches, get cold water fish oil and artemicin.

A short time after I talked to him, a friend from church dropped by. I told her what he said. She wrote me out a check for $300.

I ordered the above along with more acidopholus. It came to $314. It was so nice to have the funds to get these things this time.

Along with the podipatches, I will have a free bottle of something to try out. I am hoping it will help also.

I believe the colostrum I was taking helped, but ran out of it.

When I told the NP that the doc was treating me for babesia, she said she had never heard of it. This told me she has not been doing her homework. I have given her the summary of the conference, PA booklet on lyme, and Lyme Times.

She still doesn't understand herxing either or the waxing and waning of this.

On the positive side, she does have a "it will be OK" attitude and is pleasant to be around.

She also does a good job of changing the dressing on the PICC and drawing the blood.

The clay on my face is beginning to dry now. I can feel it pulling as they say on the web site.

The rest of my body is still very cold and on the verge of shivering. I may need to jump in the hot shower before this dries.

The lady who is taking me into see the attorney wanted me to go to Costco to do some shopping and then the Whole Food Store and then the attorney.

She is the lady who helps out around here. I sent an email back letting her know that I needed to see the attorney first before I was drained of all energy.

She also knows I only have $100 this month of which $20 of this will go for gas money to get me to the attorney. It will take 4 hours of our day just for the attorney visit. Of which 3 hours will be on the road.

She said she thought the stores would be too crowded after the attorney's visit to do these things.

She feels the local store is too costly and I need to shop at Costco.

I know she is just trying to help, but she is one of those people who just doesn't get it.

She said she had depression for a few months and I think sees this the same way. She just feels I need to get out of the house.

ME too! But, she doesn't realize the price I pay for doing this. I need to do things in bite size pieces. Normal is out most of the time.

I am glad I was able to have a phone consultation with the doc this time. It was so much better than having to find someone to take me and the power chair to the train station over an hour away, get on the train for 6 or more hours, (big difference with the power chair compared to being on foot), get off the train in BAkersfield, get on the bus, get off the bus in Long Beach, take the taxi to my friends, schedule a time she can take me to the appointment, and reverse the process back home. We also have to find someone to load and unload the power chair with the ride to and from the train station.

I need a ramp.

Cost wise. It helped out a lot with the budget too.

I so miss not having my own wheels.

I am so thankful for those who have helped out and have really been a help.

I received a copy of HopeKeepers this week. A lady who has a yahoo group was interviewed by them.

In her interview she said ``Everyday I feel like I have a horrible case of the flu, complete with deep body aches from head to toe, weakness, dizziness, nausea, headaches, memory loss and difficulty thinking. Before, I used to work even when I had the pneumonia, but this is much different. This is debilitating, beyond mind over matter. Now every movement, every thought, and every breath takes energy as if I am trying to climb a mountain with people trying to pull me back down.''

``Nevertheless, the power chair is not what has kept me from returning to work: it is the unbearable fatigue, weakness, pain, dizziness, nausea, memory loss and cognitive impairments that kept me down. I wanted to go back to work more than anyone else wanted me to.''

It was good to learn that I was not alone with this. It was good to have someone express what this is like. The only thing she didn't mention is how this waxes and wanes within the same day, hour, week or month.

I also am amazed at how similar MS, Lyme, CFS, Fibro and other conditions are in symptoms. I continue to believe there is a connection. This writer has been dx with MS.

Well, I am want I call overdrive as I write this.

It means I am pushing my body and mind when I should give up and go with the flow. I am trying that mind over matter thing.

But, it is not working. I'm at my limit.

I just got back from the workmen's comp attorney's office. I signed the papers. Then got on the computer and was reminded about Dr. Peterson in Arizona. He is the one doc that I was told I needed to see when I first came down with this.

He is from the Valley Fever Center. I just never figured out a way to come up with the energy and money to go see him.

I still believe that there is a connnection between at least 3 of us at work who came down sick at the same time with the same symptoms.

But, after seeing 35 docs before lyme was ever dx and 3 years later....I feel defeated in this area.

Time to let that go and continue to deal with trying to get my health back.

Don't know if I posted this all ready. My earlier post is not showing up yet.

Head is spinning. It seems the mepron goes straight to my head. I also have weakness and need to stay reclining for the most part.

I also have the hot flashes in the evening.

Wasn't sure if it was the mepron before because I was taking rocephin too.

But, this time...I am just taking the mepron.

Oops. I also took the oil of oregonal today. OR ADP I believe it is called.

I didn't think I would have much reaction since I was doing the clay and epsom salt detoxes too. But, it looks like a lot of something was going on.

The middle patch needs to be secured closer to the foot. It had the brownish black color but not the gooey stuff that the heel and ball of the foot had.

But, getting something to eat and any movement was and is very difficult.

The main problem today is weakness?? The body just seems drained. No strength.

I tried to get out because I had stayed down all of yesterday. I thought I would be OK for a short time in the power chair.

It was a very short time. AFter 20 minutes, I had pushed the envelope and wished I had that service dog to help get me back home.

I am back down now and plan on staying that way. The in home health care person is here fixing some chicken soup so food will be easier today.

The soap sure smells good. It is easy to eat also.

I have noticed that I am back to eating soft foods again. I threw out the left over turkey because it was too difficult to chew and swallow.

Perhaps I will be able to have turkey and cranberry sandwhiches at another time.

And continuing the foot pads.

I hope to do a hot espom salt bath today too, but we shall see. That is a lot of trouble when I am this low on strength.

Once, I let it go...I was better. I figured if just thinking about it was too much...getting up and getting it together enough to get there certainly wasn't going to work.

Pressure in the head again today. It looks like one of those stay down and just get 3 meals in ya day.

Unless I want to beat myself up with trying things and not being able to do them.

I would like to try that epsom salt bath today.

I also would like to mix the clay so it will be ready when I am ready to give that a try again.

The high pitch sound in my ears just dropped several decimals. It is as if I just put in ear plugs to lower my hearing.

So strange.

I continue to feel like a 153 year old lady when I get up and try to move about. Guess I will not be doing a Scottish Jig today.

Learned that my Lyme Friend that is now at least 6 hours away may be purchasing a home an hour away. This may be good. Better if I had my own wheels.

Lord, when I was thinking I wanted a convertible for my next vehicle...a power chair wasn't really what I had in mind.

I took two excedrin extra strength and am dragging my heels about getting up and taking the mepron.

I think I will get dressed and do a little around here first. I'd like to check my mail and address a Christmas card or two.

I'll call the doc tomorrow to check in.

It seems when I take the mepron I just have to lay around and watch TV or browse the computer to take my mind off of things.

It is all I can do to make sure I have eaten.

I had a very difficult morning yesterday while the in home health care person was here. I gave myself time out in my bedroom.

When she came in to give me the B12 shot, the sound of the paper russling, her whispering to herself what she needed to do, tthe amount of time it took her to get the shot ready, the bed moving everytime she bumped into it, and her cleaning my arm...was too much.

It all was magnified. I felt like a high strung cat that needed to hang from the curtains to get away from her. Holding my body upright for her to give me the shot was too much so I laid back down.

My head was also not clear. Hard to describe what that was like.

At least it is nice and quiet here today with no movement in the house.

I tried to move when she was here yesterday and my body started shaking inside. I was very cold.

I asked her to turn the heater on and make a hot cup of tea to help. She turned the heater on and then opened the screen door letting in more cold air and made a cup of tea that was room temperature.

I asked her to pick up some berries and plain yogurt for breakfast at the market. She picked up the yogurt but informed me the berries were too costly. (Not her choice...she was not paying for the food)

She said she purchased raw cranberries instead.

I had no patience yesterday for her. I thought she was making things worse.

So, I went into my room for time out.

The good news is that the kitchen was clean when I came out and there were deviled eggs in the refrigerator.

I thought about the term lyme rage and wondered if that is what I had under the surface yesterday.

I also wanted to add that the uncomfortable wave of heat was very minimal last night.

Someone is bouncing a basketball outside and it is very annoying. This would not bother me like this if I were well.

When I saw the NP yesterday she said she would try and get a hold of my LLMD.

She also suggested I stop all meds until we have all of them to work with.

I am waiting on the rocephin and zithro.

I did stop the Mepron and Arteminicin today.

I tried to call the doc to run it by him first but his message machine was full.

I hope my NP faxed my test results to him or at least got a hold of him.

I left a message with him Tuesday regarding still now receiving the paper work for the meds. I forgot to tell him I asked the NP to fax the test results to him and to let me know if she doesn't follow through. Not sure what to do if she doesn't follow through..she evidently hasn't the past 6 months. I may need to go elsewhere to get the blood drawn and copies faxed to my LLMD.

Tough day yesterday with in home health care provider too. I really need to replace her but know how difficult that is around here.

I was able to get out in the power chair for about 45 minutes today. It totally wiped me out.

I didn't try to purchase anything or make any decisions or talk to anyone. I just cruised and enjoyed being out.

My nerves seem to be on end lately. The body is running dangerously low.

I was able to get dressed and eat breakfast and heat up some soup. This is good.

I am lying down as I type this. My body is beginning to shake inside. It is too much. I need to veg out about and just breath.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am very frustrated. I would like to be able to get Christmas Cards out and finish my Christmas letter that I have been working on for quite some time now.

I got a call from the other teacher who came down sick when I did 3 years ago.

She asked if I needed any help with anything. I told her about my Christmas CArd problem. She has the same problem.

I would like to be higher functioning than this after two years of treatment.

Is it the mepron that is causing me to be so low on resources?

The the teacher says she is low on resources too. But, she has been traveling a lot lately and visiting others for months now.

I was prepared to not fight it and take the last bottle of mepron. But, I need a good health care provider in order to do this if this is what it is going to be like.

I think the most frustrating part of this is loosing a lot of my independence.

I had no idea what skills I had that I took for granted. I had no idea how many others that are seemingly walking around normal are really struggling and perhaps don't even know it.

The quality of their work certainly shows it.

I have coffee beans on the kitchen floor and half and half that I spilled.

I hope to be able to clean this up tomorrow.

I sent an email to the in home health care provider and told her not to come this week.

I am hoping if I can find some good pain meds I will be able to take care of things around the house myself. I not sure what is causing me to be so low functioning.

But, I do know about 3 excedrin and some caffiene help at times and then other times it does not.

I still have the high pitch sound in both ears too and the bloating. Those are really small potatoes compared to not being able to do household chores or sit upright to do simple tasks etc.

I was OK while I was out today. I was able to make eye contact with drivers before crossing the streets in the power chair. The mind was working today. This is good.

I tried to take an epsom salt bath again tonight but the water is yellow/reddish again.

The cold runs clear so it has to do with the hot water heater. I filled the bath 3 times and it was still not clear.

I would have never guessed that just trying to take a bath in the evening would take up my whole evening before I came down with this.

I had better luck when I hiked SnowMass in the Rockies and slipped into the natural hot springs and washed my hair with shampoo that was not biodegradable. I will never do that again.

Wash my hair in a natural hot springs with non biodegradable shampoo that is. I sure hope I am able to go back to SnowMass and wash my hair in the natural hot springs again.

It was a beautiful hike...I walked through wildflowers barefoot, saw pussy willows, crossed snow covered streams..with hiking boots on and woke to the smell of fresh coffee and the sound of the crackling of the fire.

I don't recall the body feeling any worse for the wear. I just recalled enjoying every minute of it. Even the summer rain storm on the way out.

I called and left message with LLMD to let him know the NP is no longer coming and did not fax the lab test results to him because she wanted to talk to him first about further treatment.

Doesn't make sense to me why she can't fax the last 6 months of lab results to him and why she hadn't been doing this all along or at least giving them to me to fax.

So, as to date...I am detoxing only. Podi pads are getting lighter with each use. Still taking clay detox mud baths and I am out of epsom salts until next month.

I no longer will have in home health care or the NP coming and going. I like this idea.

It will be OK as long as I am able to do a little, rest and then do a little more.

I have been taking 3 excedrin to start the day. I am not sure if it is the excedrin or if it is because I am off of meds or if it is just a waxing and waning time.

But, I am able to do a little right now and am enjoying it.

I also want more. I would like my health to return. I would like to know why several of us came down sick at work at the same time with the same symptoms and are still struggling and not able to work after 3 years.

I would like workmen's comp and medical retirement to at least be approved so I will have the funds to continue to work with doctors' and get my health back.

NP suggested that valley fever could be a part of this picture. I tend to agree. She also said that many of the docs here do not do the Igg IGM testing for valley fever either. This is true. Finding a doc who will do this is almost impossible. A lot like lyme disease and other conditions.

I am thankful for it, but do not want to start the mepron, artemecin, and zithro until I have hired a new in home health care person and know that if I take a dive they will be able to handle it.

And if so, I need to work this out. In the past the local lab would not draw blood unless it was ordered by the local docs.

She just kept looking around. She ignored the fact that I was slumped in a chair in the corner and having a rough time of it.

I rested enough I was able to get up and tell her I was walking home. You would think out of all people she would have a clue.

I was reminded why I had stopped going places with her and doing things with her many months ago. This is good. At least it happened while I was across the street from home instead of across town or out of town.

This was after taking 3 excedrin to start the day and waiting two hours.

I have been camera shy for 3 years now. Now some of my on line friends can see what I look like.

I also had wanted to color my hair first but saw part of the writer for the Maker's Diet and decided now was not the time to add more toxins to my body.

I also was able to sit upright at the table and do a few Christmas Cards. I am hoping to address them and put stamps on them tomorrow.

I am still waiting for the an in home health care person before I start the abx.

I have noticed the high pitch sound, pressure and head stuff picked up a little today...but for a short time and not as bad as when I was on the abx.

I still need a lot of down time. I tried to read a little today and found I was only able to read very little.

I am hoping to try to read more again later tonight.

I just find them really strange. I was just laying down playing cards on AOL's POGO and the wave washed over me several times and then left.

Had the high pitch sound in the ears and the pressure in the head. Had the body overheating in the pm again.

I was better for a short time in the late evening. I was able to get the dishes in the dishwasher and soak the pots and pans.

The excedrin did not seem to work today.

I then cruised home, rested and walked to Starbucks. A couple of people at Starbucks wanted to talk to me so I faked it.

I was gone for about 45 minutes. I haven't been able to do anything else today, but tomorrow is another day. I am thankful I was able to get out in the power chair and be on my feet for about 20 minutes...10 minutes up and 10 minutes back.

So, I am backing off taking 3 excedrin each day to get started.

I was able to be out and about in the power chair for an hour and a half yesterday. I dropped off Christmas Cards at the post office. I kept things simple while out.

I also was able to pick up a few things at the grocery store.

I also was able to do the clay detox.

I am hoping to be able to get a few things done around the house today instead of using my energy to be out and about...although I would prefer to be out and about.

i feel your pain and suffering. i know it. sorry to hear how much it has taken away from you. were you a teacher? what else did you do?

based on some of your descriptions i think i know where you live, and i see the same dr.

What meds are you on now?

Yes. I am a teacher but since the 3R's went out the window I really like to keep that under cover now.

I would go up to Grants Grove in the Sequoia's and rent a cabin on those 3 day weekends summer, spring, fall and winter.

Winter was my favorite. I would have the place almost to myself at times and blaze my way to the cabin with snow piled at least 6 feet on each side.

I miss those trips and am looking forward to doing them again.

I also miss walking along the ocean.

Sorry to hear you are not able to get out much. I am really an unhappy camper if I am not able to get out.

But, it goes with the territory for now. I wasn't able to get out today or do anything around the house. The day is not over. Who knows. I have had times when I had about an hour in the late evening where I was able empty the dishwasher or clean the kitchen, etc. One never knows with this.

Took three excedrin again this am to see if it helps. I need to be able to get to the store today to get something to eat, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, get the clothes off of the bed, and the things off of the floor.

Sure hope I get a good in home health person in here soon or find a way to do these things myself.

A fellow friend who has lyme sent me a Harry and DAvid Christmas Tree that is all ready decorated including lights.

What a great gift for someone that doesn't have the strength to get out and get a tree and decorate themselves.

It took me two days just to open the box although the box said to open immediately because it had live plants inside. (This person also knows that enjoying my plants has been one of my uppers even though they are mostly cactus I have beena ble to keep alive)

I also figured out what I could do for breakfast. I had a handful of walnuts.

The Excedrin does seem to be kicking in now.

The body and mind are still very low functioning.

Trying to decide what to try next. Need food in the house. Need to clean off kitchen to make room to fix things to eat.

Need clean clothes in the house. Need help.

Need to get out of house. I think this will be the less stressful at this time. I just need to sit there and let the power chair take me somewhere. I'll know better how I am functioning once I give it a try.

Not sure how much of a charge I have on the power chair. I do know it needs charging.

Not sure about sitting upright right now either.

One foot in front of the other time so to speak.

Received call from LLMD's office regarding when my last appointment was again.

This is the 3rd or 4th call regarding this matter from their office. I also received a printed letter re: keeping my status updated and a bill for the telephone consultation.

I sent in the payment and called to make sure the records were updated when I received the letter.

It appears record keeping needs to be improved. I have had two calls from one person and one call from another.

Hopefully this last call will correct the matter.

I think the question is whether I am on active status or not which I am.

I picked up the things from the floor and cleared off the dining room table. I also went with another friend to see a drive in living nativity. I sat upright in her truck for 4 hours which only seems to happen when I am on the road. If I am sitting still, I can't sit this long usually.

I also did the clay detox that day. I assume I wore myself out and that is why I slept around the clock the next two days.

I had other things going on too but have forgotten what they were.

I know I tried to go to the grocery store. I made it OK in the power chair. But, when it came to lifting my arms and getting the berries and some other things I wanted...I wasn't able to do it and had to cruise on out of there. The brain wasn't working either.

I just took hot bath in epsom salts. I don't think I was in it for long. I usually can only last about 5 or 10 min. I was not able to dry myself off and am laying down as I recover.

I also haven't been able to hear people knock on the door the past few days again so hearing is acting up again.

I was able to gather the trash and put it outside the door this am. I hope to get dressed next and take it to the trash cans.

I also was able to open my Christmas presents finally around 10 pm last night. I wasn't able to open them all at one time. I would become too exhausted after opening one or two and then needed to lay back down and recover before I started in again. I am thankful my daughter sent hers in a gift bag. It was very easy to open.

I did try to get the clothes put away that were on my bed. I was reminded of when this first hit over 3 years ago.

I became just as exhausted and unable to function 20 minutes into putting the clothes away as I did over 3 years ago.

This is very discouraging.

On the other hand, I have stepped up a notch while being off abx and continuing the podi patch and supplement from the same company.

I don't look forward to starting back on the mepron, zithro and arteminicin but plan to next week.

A new in home health care person started today. I am hoping we can get things more organized, cleaned and caught up the next few days before I start on the abx.

The good news is that I still have them.

And, it is nice to also see more clearly as to why my eyes were given me trouble all those years ago along with the other strange symptoms that I didn't take seriously enough.

I did go to an eye doc, but that didn't help. And I did go to a medical doc for the other symptoms.

Let's see....this was about 1996 or 1997 I am estimating.

about your eye's.what you could have is called photophobia.the brightness is hard to take.

i wear bifocal's. 50% dark,for night and 80% dark for daytime..it really does help with headache's and vertigo.

don't buy expensive glasses..try them out first.save you some money.

hope this help's. happy new year,gary

I use them while at the computer and while watching TV and when I am out side. They do seem to be helping once again. Since I only have difficulties seeing far it is working out fine right now.

I was able to be upright 50% of the time yesterday again. This is good.

I am continuing to use excedrin to help, but plan on talking to LLMD about pain meds again. I know the excedrin are not good for you in the long run.

I have been able to organize the walk in pantry/linen closet the past few days. I figure I have about 30 more minutes of work left. It feels great to accomplish this after wanting to for over a year and a half.

I am now able to walk in the walk in pantry/linen closet. HA!

I just hope the people who come to help kept it that way this time.

The next long over do project is the 5 boxes of paper work that is stacked in my bedroom. It will be nice to get the paper work in the files and the clutter out of the bedroom.

AFter this is done, then I will go back on the abx.

It is catch 22. Take the abx in hopes that it will help improve the quality of life, but have the quality of life lowered while on the abx. When the quality of life is all ready very low this is a tough thing to do.

Wouldn't it be great to have a break through in 2005!

I find that I get very impatient with people. I know that it is because I am running so low on resources. I need to talk to the in home health care person and tell her when I tell her I need time out....that means I need time out...don't ask me any more questions and work on something on the list by yourself.

I read on one site that the condition the lady was trying to deal with was like trying to climb a mountain everyday with others pulling you back down.

I am amazed at how when I am trying to accomplish something with the little resources that I have that those who are supposed to be helping don't.

I had no idea there were so many negative thinkers or what I use to call stinkin thinkin going on.

But, then I figured that once I start back on the zithro, mepron, etc....I will not be able to sit upright and write out in long hand as I did before lyme.

I learned I was not doing as well as I thought. As when I got there and looked at all the choices and sized, my mind couldn't deal with it. It took all I had to just be on my feet.

I also wanted to look for a certain cat toy. The vision or processing was gone too.

I did accomplish the job, but it was scary. I recall why I had chosen to just write checks and not use cash. I was kind of in a blurr or fog as to what bill I had pulled out of my wallet. I also didn't know if she had given me the right amount back or not...no clue at all. No fun at all.

I couldn't even figure out if it was cheaper to purchase the food at the feed store or get it at the local market. I was pretty much out of it....but I looked fine and faked normal as best I could.

I figured I was able to sit upright for 5 hours today. This is good. Reclined for an hour. Got back up and sat upright for 20 minutes before having to recline again.

But, during those 20 minutes I worked on my new address book. I am in the G's or F's now.

It is looking good for being able to get this done. I am almost functioning normally with the exception of endurance.

I have not been able to fill out my little black book for over 3 years now. It is a good feeling to finally have it organized once again too....well almost.

I received a couple letters from work that need to be taken care of before I start back on meds too. It just may be another week before I am able to start back on meds.

These letters involve going through the 5 boxes of paper work to hopefully find the needed records.

I have been continuing with the excedrin and caffeine to help out.

I also find that even though I am sitting upright, I am not functioning normally. I have to be patient with myself and wait..it seems my processing, hearing, etc. comes and goes. It is difficult to describe. I know I am there talking and listening but it seems at times like I am not functioning on all pistons or spark plugs.

I am off abx. I am doing the podipatches and taking the supplement that comes with them.

I am trying to remember to do 3 shots of apple cider vinegar and water and sweetner each day.

I am doing the clay detox and epsom salt baths.

I also am wearing the bolle sunglasses when watching TV, using the computer and most of the time. It seems to be helping too.

I am also taking oil of oregon and vitamins.

I am trying to find a way to take the meds and still function well enough to know what is going on around me and be able to do a little myself as I am now.

I left a message with the LLMD again about pain meds.

I continue to be encouraged about being able to do a little around here and use my brain somewhat. I am OK if I do a little, rest and then do a little more.

Body still aches. I continue to have pitch sound in ears. Grocery shopping is still challenging. i still need to do and think slow and take short breaks while I am there to regroup. 20 minutes seems to still be my limit and that is in a power chair.

I can't recall if I wrote about being able to get the walkin pantry/linen closet organized so I could walk in it.

This is a big accomplishment and something I have wanted to do for almost 2 years now.

I still haven't gotten to the boxes of paper work nor have I contacted work or find the papers I need regarding money issues.

They are saying I owe them money, I recall the money being taken out but receiving a hand written receipt. I have written the supervisor several times as it also is affecting my SSI income. I did not get a response and I have not been able to do much on my end.

Since a week has gone by and I have accomplished very little, I am trying to decide whether to just go back on the abx and to try and see what I can do to accomplish this long over do project.

The manager of the apartments I am residing in also needs paper work which is in those boxes. Hopefully. Or not. I just haven't been able to take care of records.

It appears I am going to need to ask for help in this matter or another year will go by without this being taken care of.

I hate it that I am not able to do these things myself.

I had a good nights rest last night. Woke up feeling like that fully loaded semi truck had run me over again. Took 2 excedrin, stayed down and then was able to do the clay detox, take a shower and get back in my robe.

It wore me out. Even with the excedrin and the cup of coffee, I slept for an hour.

I tried to send a thank you card to a friend who took me out on New Years Eve for an early dinner.

I had great difficulty addressing the card and writing a little note. But, it finally got done.

If life is going to be this low functioning off the meds, I suppose it will not make much difference on the meds.

I will start up on Monday.

As I am typing this, I realise that I need to find a way to recharge and rest as I climb this mountain everyday. I need to focus on the little pleasures in life and hang on to them.

Stomach is still bloating and hurting. Not sure why. It usually doesn't last this long.

It is almost noon. I still have not gotten dressed yet. I also was not able to fix myself breakfast. Glad in home health care person was here to do that.

Was able to address two envelopes that I was not able to address last night. So, I was able to work on workmen's comp paper work a little.

I do know that I have been trying to get records straightened out slowly but surely.

I have had others file and keep records for me while on the abx because I was not able to.

I found 4 payroll stubs under untilities tonight. I don't know where the others are.

I found my college transcripts under applications.

I found my chart on what to order for eye glasses in case I loose mine under receipts.

And this is just the tip of the ice berg. It looks like I will need to go through each file to find the receipts I need for work and the apartment manager. Mostly, it looks like they are not there.

Sad state of affairs at this point and most likely cost me money.

I am realizing that not everyone knows how to keep records or file even those who have worked for social services, H&R Block, have been a secretary for a hospital and have their own tax business. I am reminded not to assume that someone can do something just because they say they can or have had past office experience.

I hope to finish up with outstanding business this week and start on meds next.

I am not sure what to do about the filing while I am on the abx. At this point, I think putting paper work in a box is not such a bad idea. At least until I can get to it. At least, it will be there when I need it.

Hopefully, I will not be going through what I went through the last 2 years while on abx and will be able to take care of those records that are the most important.

I have only found two co pay receipt for the primary doc and one receipt from the LLMD for the past years.

The good news is that it is good to be doing well enough to do these things. I do a little, rest and then try to do a little more. I can do about 15 or 20 minutes work at one time before needing to have down time again and recover. Eyes are bothering me, but they seem to recover after a good nights sleep. The whole body still wears out much too quickly.

Took a shower and had that sick feeling as if I was going to through up and total exhaustion. The road remains up hill.

I use to enter everythign in quicken and know exactly what was spent on what and how much.

Don't have the skills to set up the program now.

The good news is we have a balance to start the new year off with and she is going to try and keep the checkbook up for me this year or until I can take care of it myself.

I then went to church and alternated between standing, sitting and lying.

I laid down for an hour and then another friend stopped by and I went with them to get something to eat. I was feeling pretty good about being able to do some things.

I locked myself out of my house and stayed the night at my friends.

Monday, I also did well for about 3 hours off and on. I tried to help my friend out with household chores while she was at work. I did those things that that I have learned the past 3 years that work for me when I am a little bit functioning. I put the dishes in the dishwasher, put the towels in the washing machine and took out the trash.

I also was able to take a shower and get dressed. I needed to rest in between all of the chores but at least I was able to do them if I kept it within a certain time limit.

I was exhausted the rest of the day and not able to do anything more.

Today, I woke up with the head stuff. Took 2 excedrin and have been pretty out of it. Waves of nausea come and go, heat waves come and go. I hope that this afternoon is better. It is one of those mornings that I feel I would rather not live any more if this is how things are going to be. But, I know from past experiences that things do improve and I need to wait it out.

I am frustrated that it has been so long and I still haven't been able to wrap up the paper work that needs to be done so I can get back on the meds. I also have not heard from my LLMD regarding an appointment time for February.

The cat peed on the couch while I was locked out. I need to find someway to get rid of that smell even if it means tossing the couch.

I also need a new in home health care person as this one is making things worse. I had a few really low functioning days and learned that she is one of those people who make things worse on those days instead of better. I also feel that all my energy goes towards helping her do her job while she is here. I prefer someone who comes in and does their work independently allowing me to have more strength for other things.

I went to the hardware store last week to see about ordering some wood polish that I like. I even brought the old bottle with me.

It took all I had just to get their in my power chair. I ended up purchasing some wood polish that was on sale and forgetting why I was there. A couple of days later, I recalled why I was there and that I had used the wood polish that was on sale before and found it not helpful.

The good news was that I had made it all the way to the hardware store in my power chair. I am not always able to do this although it is not that far away.

I also went to another store to pick up something and forget why I was there. The short term memory is still a problem.

The person I rehired for in home health care was one of the people that had worked for me before who I knew was not going to work out. The short term memory forgot about this until she started again after being laid off from the full time job she had and wanting this job back.