posted
Hi Folks. I've been so down lately, just thought I'd see if anyone can offer some encouragement. My #1 symptom is unrelenting Brain Fog. I hate it so much and it virtually never goes away. I am sooo scared that it will never end...I get so depressed and I cry...no, sob...almost everyday. Whenever I think of how good my life was before all this and where I was going, it makes me cry even more. Two days ago it was our 6th wedding anniversary. My wife and I spent half the day in bed crying and reminiscing about all the happy times we had before I got sick...we were just a few months from trying to start a family.
I feel like such a wimp, `cause I know there are many who are much worse off than I, but I can't stop the feelings of depression, helplessness, fear, and despair. Maybe they are unjustified...I have only been sick 4 months, and I just started serious treatment about 5 weeks ago. I just thought I'd see some improvement by now considering how soon I was diagnosed (only 3 months after initial illness), yet it has been so little, or maybe even nonexistent, that I fear the worst.
Thanks for everything - Greg
Posts: 17 | From Ventura, CA | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
shazdancer
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1436
posted
Hang in there, Greg. What you are experiencing is sooooo normal.
Depression itself can be a symptom of Lyme. It is definitely worse when we're tired, so get lots of rest. The buildup of toxins also makes us feel more cruddy -- drink plenty of water, eat a diet that is low in sugar and starches, and take a daily epsom salt bath or sit in a sauna.
I can remember thinking I will never get better. Wrong! I got better. You can, too.
And BTW -- if it ever gets to be too much to bear, speak to you LLMD or your regular doc for some symptom relief, or to consider a different treatment plan.
Take care, Shaz
Posts: 1558 | From the Berkshires | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
Carol B
Unregistered
posted
For me-Lyme and Grief walked hand in hand for a while.
Grief for loss of trust in the medical profession, loss of job, loss of income, loss of health, loss of ability to feel joy,loss of energy, loss of relationships, and at times loss of HOPE.
Now I have chosen to hang out with the WINNERS on Lymnet. People leading the way for me to recover and build a new life.
Those moments of despair can be devastating and overwhleming. But I am determined to make it-even if all I can do is sit still and hurt sometimes-as long as I remember to keep breathing I have a chance.
I have just begun the journey of treatment with an LLMD-third appointment is tomorrow. I was told the duration of treatment is unknown-but I should start feeling better in five to six months.
I cannot let impatience sabotage what progress I have made so far. Sure I have days wondering "what's the use ?" "Do I want to go on living a life of chronic illness?"
I feel like I am swinging on a vine, literally hanging on for dear life, in between one brief glimpse of hope to another.
Here-take my hand so you can hang on,too. You know the saying-safety in numbers-well you got the numbers here on Lymnet-take advantage of the collective courage, strength and hope it has to offer.
Good of you to let us know how you feel-we are not mind readers, and cannot help if we don't know where you're at-which turns out to be a place most of us are familiar with.
Trust me-some day you will be able to pass along your experience strength and hope,too.
lymemomtooo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5396
posted
G-mon..As Carol said, hang in there..There is hope..But sometimes people feel much worse for awhile as the abx is kicking butt.
Also you may experience a herxheimer reaction..Be prepared to do this often for awhile, and if it gets too rough..Get ahold of your Dr. Sometimes, meds need to be adjusted or changed.
My daughter always has problems just prior to the full moon.
Also some have other diseases or co-infections along with the lyme..My daughter's worst depression and psych issues are caused by Bartonella. Another bacteria.
Then there is also the issue where some people do not adequately eliminate toxins and may need something like Cholesteramine, Welchol, etc to help get rid of the toxins.
I think many have used some anti-depressants to help them get thru but I worry that they also have their share of side effects..So it is a difficult trip to wellness but hang tough, or as tough as you can..
Exercise as much as possible..Work for very healthy well balanced meals and reduce your sugar intake.. Try to get the immune system to function properly.
Get as much education as you can handle and encourage your wife to do the same..This disease has contributed to many marital issues with some on lymenet. lymemomtooo
Posts: 2360 | From SE PA | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Greg, breaking this up more for us neuro lymies by hitting enter more and double spacing between each paragraph.
quote:Originally posted by g-mon:
Hi Folks. I've been so down lately, just thought I'd see if anyone can offer some encouragement.
My #1 symptom is unrelenting Brain Fog. I hate it so much and it virtually never goes away. I am sooo scared that it will never end...I get so depressed and I cry...no, sob...almost everyday.
Whenever I think of how good my life was before all this and where I was going, it makes me cry even more.
Two days ago it was our 6th wedding anniversary. My wife and I spent half the day in bed crying and reminiscing about all the happy times we had before I got sick...we were just a few months from trying to start a family.
I feel like such a wimp, `cause I know there are many who are much worse off than I, but I can't stop the feelings of depression, helplessness, fear, and despair.
Maybe they are unjustified...I have only been sick 4 months, and I just started serious treatment about 5 weeks ago. I just thought I'd see some improvement by now considering how soon I was diagnosed (only 3 months after initial illness), yet it has been so little, or maybe even nonexistent, that I fear the worst.
Thanks for everything -Greg
Greg. we have all been there; some early on; some now. I'm discouraged now, but I found me a new out of state GOOD LLMD, and look forward to hearing all of 12-18 complete body labs to know where WE GO from here.
Crying is good for the system. I do wish you success in CURING your early lyme!
I also take zoloft for my depression; really helps keep my temper flare-ups under control.
IP: Logged |
AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
Like shazdancer said please realize depression can be a symptom of lyme.
I also agree with her about the water. If I don't drink alot of water especially when herxing I feel worse.
I think for those who get really sick to the point where it alters our life (which it obviously has yours) - I think we go through the stages of grief.
Mourning the loss of our old selves our old lives. I know I did. And I plan on getting better and doing everything I was going to do before I got sicker.
Even if you are positive you are going to get better I think it is natural to mourn what you have lost - even if the loss is temporary.
Please try to hang on to hope. You can get better with treatment. You and your wife can make new memories just as happy as your old ones once you get well. And you can get well.
Alot of us know how frustrating brainfog can be to deal with. We've gone through it too. So please know that you are not alone and that many people here understand what it is like because we have been through it... or are in it now.
posted
Thank you all for the very kind words. You are such a warm and wonderful bunch. It means a lot.
My 2nd misdiagnosis was severe clinical depression and I was put on Zoloft. It actually made the Brain Fog much worse!
Sometimes I fear that the Zoloft messed something up and worsened my condition. That probably is not very rational, but my normally logical brain is very confused and scared right now.
Once in a long while I have a "good" period of a few minutes or maybe half an hour where I feel a bit better...
Then, later on when I am feeling really bad again, I begin to doubt myself and wonder if it was just wishful thinking, and that I never actually felt better; or that my mood was improved but nothing else. Is that crazy?
The way Lyme makes me feel is so foreign and strange...not like a bad flu that is at least familiar, no matter how bad it makes you feel.
Maybe that is part of my problem: I've never felt this way before, and the idea that I'll get better from it is not part of my experience, so I fear I won't.
Sorry for the psychobabble, but that thought just occurred to me as I write this...
Thanks again to you all. You're the best. Greg
Posts: 17 | From Ventura, CA | Registered: May 2006
| IP: Logged |
Andie333
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7370
posted
Greg,
Ironic that you wrote what you did, because my SO and I were just having a conversation similar to the one you had with your wife.
I agree wtih Carol that grief likely goes hand-in-hand with a Lyme diagnosis. For all the reasons she mentioned.
Like you, I hated the brain fog almost the most. It seemed to me that I turned around one day prior to my dx and realized I'd lost my ability to focus or concentrate, to think through problems, to spell or to remember even simple things.
And like you, I wondered if I would ever again regain any of that facility (I was undiagnosed and untreated for 9 years after my tick bite). I thought you really described that fog well; it does seem otherworldly in a sense.
Looking back, for me, the fog may have been a gift. I knew people around me were losing faith in me (I was beginning to question myself). Normally, that kind of thing would cause me to go crazy.
But I was too impaired for the reactions of others to really impact me much. I couldn't think it through and just didn't have the energy to care.
The good news is that after a year of treatment, I'm finding myself actually coming out of that fog. I'm still a ways from my "normal," but my thinking is clearer, and things like memorization and reasoning are a lot sharper.
The best thing to do is try to hold onto the hope that you'll beat this; I haven't given myself any other option, even in the very worst of times. If I'm ultimately proved wrong, so be it; in the meantime, I'm determined to put up one h**l of a fight!
Andie
Posts: 2549 | From never never land | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
The brain fog is so frustrating. Trying to do simple things that give you so much trouble.
A couple of weeks ago I almost put the clean clothes from the dryer back into the washer with a new load. I stopped myself just in time to save them from getting wet all over again. It was funny!
Whenever I get so down I want to cry I have to NOT because with the nerve involvement in my face, my eyes take days to recover.
Do the wrong words come out? That's pretty funny, too.
As time goes by, I have to say the brain fog lifts, so to speak. On some days I have such a clarity of thought I'm sure I'm really a genius in disguise.
I've avoided anti-depressants because it's so hard to find the one that may work for you. And for me, the ones I've tried have had unacceptable side effects, like nausea and fatigue.
I don't have any brilliant suggestions--just know that you're not alone and since you started treatment early, you're gonna get better.
Posts: 353 | From Florida boonies | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
I wrote it to explain the face of lyme disease. You may, like so many others, take comfort in its words, which help people understand the symptoms of lyme.
With treatment and time, your brain fog should get better. I had terrible fog for years, but after IV treatment, it cleared 99%. I only have it on rare occasions now, which is a huge improvement.
The Depression is a common manifestation of Bb on the brain, and you can help that by understanding that it is part of the disease, and not you.
Although it helps to talk about lyme and deal with its symptoms, understand that you are not alone, and that there is tremendous support out here in the lyme community, for you and we care.
Lift your foggy little head up, be nice to yourself, get a LLMD, work hard to get better and take care of yourself and your wife. The most support you have around you, the better you will fare in this battle.
Lyme is not an easy road to travel, but you can do it, and you can get better.
Peace and hugs
-------------------- PJ
www.LymeLeague.com"Together We Grow Stronger" Posts: 139 | From A tiny little home office in the middle of Wisconsin | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[loco]](graemlins/loco.gif)
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic