Topic: I Am Furious And Hurt....Friend Betrayed Me
glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
I wasn't going to post this, but I just can't believe this so-called friend of mine dumped me(30 year friendship)without warning.
He was diagnosed with Lyme disease about 10 yrs ago and was having MAJOR grand mal siezures and depression. Was also tx for Lyme and babs.
Was also given shock therapy. He moved to Calif 6 years ago and the psychiatric group out there stabilized him with meds.
I have been a true friend and support for him even in my most painful moments. I thought his meds balanced him out.
My take is, I think his psychiatrist told him he never had Lyme and to disassociate himself with anyone who talked about.
I took him in years ago and cared for him when he couldn't take care of himself. He has been calling me everyday for the last 3yrs.
My attraction to him is that he is very funny and very intelligent. He is gay, so it's just a friendship.
The last month and a half, I wasn't hearing from him that much. I called him to see if everyting was okay. Long story short I tactfully and calmly confronted him today as to what was going on.
He said in so many words I was obsessing about Lyme too much. We talked about many things including his constant need for support.
( We have the kind of friendship(I thought where he could say to me "enough with the Lyme, lets talk about something else") He said he thought I would get mad.
Further more he said that he wasn't really sure if he ever had Lyme and thought that his LLMD was obsessing with it as well. He thought we both needed therapy.
He has done this to me before(backing off) for a long time using the excuse I reminded him of his dead mother. I Know this is bull...t
I just want to let him have it, but I am a peacemaker. Just tired of getting hurt. I know I have to close this door
.(I tried before, but he calls crying that he needs a friend because he is sick) It definitely won't work if there is a next time.
.I realize I didn't set clear enough boundaries. I am angry with myself for getting sucked in again!!
I need some wisdom here, it hurts, Thanks,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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It sounds like you've known that this is a "friendship" that's not too good for you for some time.
Now, there's the insult of him being the one to call it quits!
I can just advise you to remeber your words and don't get "sucked in again" next time.
Feel better,
Carly
Posts: 797 | From New York | Registered: Feb 2008
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Thanks for caring Carly,
I guess I should just keep this little gremlin by my side so I won't forget.
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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You've got such a big heart! And an intense drive to help people, and a gentleness and caring about you that is healing in so many ways. I happen to know.
The way I see it, this friend didn't betray you, he betrayed himself, and continues to do so by looking outside himself for answers when really, he should be looking inward.
Don't beat yourself up, my friend. You want to make a boundry now, you go ahead and make it! Know that you gave it your all and that you can always change how you deal with something.
Hugs,
Alison
--------------------
The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. --- Edward R. Murrow Posts: 923 | From California | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Sounds like you have already said, enough is enough. So be strong. If he doesn't believe in Lyme, then he isn't sick. So he doesn't need anyone support anymore. Let him move on with his life and you move on with yours.
-------------------- I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!
Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
You must be crushed. So sorry.
But it does happen to a number of us... especially with Lyme patients who have psych issues.
Think about this..
He may not be thinking clearly if he (a psych patient) is telling you that you and his doctor need a psych.
That is the old.. the whole world is wrong and I am right trick.
The only thing I've found that helps me when this happens is to let them go... and if/when they return... let them in but don't give away your heart.
Always allow, IF you can, them to have someone to come to when they realize they are wrong. That is what friends are for.
But don't let them abuse you in any manner, what-so-ever.
As for a new friend.. my bet is with all that caring you have for others.. there is someone else to share with and assist who WANTS to hear what you have to say.
unfortunately sounds like not a true friend, perhaps only when he needed you that he was there,
maybe he just needed time away from all this lyme talk as perhaps it was just a tab too much for him as i notice many do when they hear me talking about lyme,
or maybe just maybe he alienated himself into his own world of a problem or his very own depresssion with all this as some people truly do...
i am so sorry this happened to you.
i too have been alienated by some and in some cases am doing it to myself as well from others, ofcourse they dont have lyme so my reasons are is that they just dont understand me.
you may always pm me and we can talk. (i too am from your area as you recall).
best regards, eric
Posts: 570 | From philadelphia, pa | Registered: Dec 2008
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I feel for you. I know it hurts, however, it sounds like you have done everything you can.
I have tried the "be there for them but don't let them in" it doesn't work for me. That's me. Mabe the best thing you can do for yourself and him is to let go completely. You will have the comfort of knowing you did your best but now mabe it's time to move on.
Forgiving or understanding someone doesn't mean you have to open yourself up to hurt again.
I know you will do the right thing for YOU!
Fancy
Posts: 258 | From San Diego, CA USA | Registered: Sep 2002
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Aawwwww, I thank you all so VERY MUCH for all of your kind words and heartfelt support. You all brought tears to my eyes.
I am still licking my wounds, but I am very strong and will get over it. I don't think I will ever understand that kind of behavior from a so called friend.
I just plain and simple don't get it. Maybe I am not supposed to. It's my lesson and obviously I need to learn something from it.
Thank You all again,
Peace & Light,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
gael, you sound like me. you give and give and expect nothing in return but love and affection.
i'm sorry but i think he used you when it was convenient for him and now that he's out there, is in therapy (and i question what that guy is telling him), he no longer wants to associate with someone who reminds him of his past.
you're better off without these kinds of persons in your life.
i know it's tough, but let it go, he wasn't worth it.
and someday who knows, he may show up again going "oh, i'm sick and i really do have lyme" then girl, you're going to go "oh really."
be strong for yourself and let people do what they do...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Randi,
Thanks for your kind words of wisdom. I know your right. The sad thing is that the LLMD he used to have was also his childhood friend.
He bought him a Rife machine, payed for a lot of alternative meds etc. and he is badmouthing him. The more I think about it, I think he is just an arrogant mean spirited person.
I want to focus on giving my love to people who appreciate it.
Thanks again, I know you get it,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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DebAz
Unregistered
posted
Dear Gael.
.I see that there are many people that recognize your warm hearted and giving personality.
I have not known you long and just on this internet world ... but your caring and kind nature comes through like volumes and in a ray of sunshine. You have made me smile and laugh and as well make me feel as if I had someone there watching out for me and someone who really cared. Wow. thats so rare.
I think he has lost such a great person in his life. i am sorry you got hurt. The givers seems to get the short end of things and also are taken advantage of frequently.
I too have this problem and have been working years on this. I recently had someone take full advantage of my heart, family, money and generousity. And in a blatent way in which I had grown to think I was beyond.
But our hearts do not change. We continue to love and give.
It is who we are
Do not ever change.
I think instead it is how we can cope with loss and hurt that we can deal with and cope with better.
Never regret. Keep all those you love and loved in your heart.
But move on in your life.. with or without them.
That is how I have had to look at things to feel good and to acknowledge the relationships.. good or bad. were real.
My feelings were real.. And that is a real validation of ourselves.
glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Deb,
Thankyou for your wisdom, kindness and heartfelt words. So Sorry you had to endure an even worse betrayal. Just really so sorry. You are such a good person you don't deserve that.
Everyone, Thank you again so much for being there for me. It means so much to me to be given such kind words.
I so appreciate all of you. I hope you know I am here for you as well.
I wish us all Healing, Peace & Light,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I've had to re-define friendship since Lyme and company.
However, I have more friends here than I can possibly count.
Friends who not only know what it is like to walk in my shoes,
But who gladly take my hand and guide me along the way.
It sounds as if your friend is repeating exactly what his therapist told him.
Sad.
Maybe he isn't able to see beyond due to his issues with depression,
And obvious avoidance techniques.
Sad again.
While I know your heart aches for the "loss" of a great friend,
To have a friend you need to be a friend.
You have been.
From your story it seems as if you did all the giving.
Your friend remained on the "receiving" end.
Say a prayer for your friend that he finds whatever it is
He is looking for.
Then let him go with God's Divine Protection.
Know that you are so worthy of being loved.
As a friend.
I would be proud on any given day to call you my friend.
Sending hugs and kisses and prayers of support.
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Okay Geneal,
Now I am crying again from your beautiful words. But it's a good kind of crying. You have very profound words of wisdom and I am not just saying that.
I always know, that the real lesson is for me to learn. It always comes back to the self doesn't it?
How are you doing? Are you in New Orleans? I lived there for 1 1/2 yrs back in 1993-94. Fascinating city and people.,
Thank You so much for caring enough,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
just remember what i have been through with my family -- there is no deeper betrayal than having it come from a family member.
ya always have us!!!
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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glm1111
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 16556
posted
Randi,
I can't even begin to tell you what it means to have people here that are so kind. I hope you know I am here for you all as well,
Gael
-------------------- PARASITES/WORMS ARE NOW RECOGNIZED AS THE NUMBER 1 CO-INFECTION IN LYME DISEASE BY ILADS* Posts: 6418 | From philadelphia pa | Registered: Jul 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
gael,
so sorry to read this, but you've been given excellent, heart-felt comments above that i agree with so much.
now open that drawer, put all the hurt/betrayal in it, and LOCK that drawer forever! don't unlock it to relive the pain and hurt.
pick up your butt, that tutu loves to show off so freely at the end of her posts, and move on.
YOU HAVE US ALL who understand, and who will listen and give you advise ... whether you wanted it or not.
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I live about 60 miles north of New Orleans.
I am glad I was able to give you some words that may help give you peace.
You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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