posted
HI everyone...my boyfriend lives in Maine but has been staying here in ct for a few weeks. I am going back to Maine with him for a week starting tommorow and then he is moving back to CT permanently and we are going to be living together.
I am incredibly, indescribably happy at this turn of events. My boyfriend and I have had a long and winding journey towards being together-we cared for one another for a loooong time but certain circumstances kept us apart-and it is so beautiful to be with a man who treasures me and that I love in return.
I am just a little nervous about living with a man I love so much when I am sick. I guess its the whole "will I still be alluring to this man if he sees me sick as a dog at random moments" kinda thing. I know its silly and vain but I do worry about that. I dont wanna scare him off, but I also dont want my fear to stop me from being with the only man I have ever known that makes me feel completely satisfied in all areas.
Anyone have any advice about living with your lover/significant other when sick? I am probably just overthinking this, but it would still be good to hear from others about their experiences. Thanks so much in advance. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
posted
The only way you will know how he will react longterm is to try it.
Have you thought about whether you will want someone around all the time when you feel bad?
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Poppy-he and I have been around each other all the time for the past month or so. I adore being with him at all times, even in my sickest moments. I just worry about it being hard on him, but I also think I cannot let that fear stop me from this love, which is so rare and special.
He is a very good man and incredibly loyal. He does not love easily but when he does, it is unconditional. I suppose because of past hurt I just have a tendency to worry about people running away, but he has been nothing short of amazing to me always, and I think I need to trust in him the way he trusts in me.
Thanks. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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linky123
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posted
He sounds like a keeper to me. I think you should got for it. True love is hard to find and it sounds like you may have found it.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
Linky, it sure feels like true love. PS-I love the little kissing icons. Reminds me of me and my boyfriend. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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linky123
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posted
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
I sometimes wonder the same thing. My fianc� lives in a different country, and I always wondered how will my life be with him when we live together and I am sick. He doesn't understand what's going on with me because I never understood it myself.
If you two are in love, don't worry.. He'll always be there for you when you're sick.
-------------------- Ema Posts: 394 | From Southern California | Registered: Jun 2010
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beaches
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posted
Listen, when they love you, they love you. The phrase "love is blind" was invented for men. They don't see what you see in the mirror. They see a beautiful, sexy woman even when you see a not-so-sexy skinny minnie.
Know that and work it. Give him a good meal from a takeout joint (assuming you can't cook something yourself) and put the food on nice plates. Get a good bottle of wine and pour him a glass. Get yourself all gussied up (old-fashioned term there, but you know what I mean!) For me, these days that means a shower and shampoo and shaved legs, but hey.
He doesn't need to know about the BMs or how nauseous you are or how $hitty you feel. Men pretty much are clueless about that stuff to begin with (along with so many, many other things, but we'll save that for a future conversation!)
Separate the sick you from who you are as a person. Put the "sick you" on the back burner however and whenever you can. Enjoy the relationship you are having with this wonderful guy and do not let this stupid illness stand in your way for a second.
PS Ema, same goes for you and I wish you the best of luck!
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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surprise
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posted
I have a good marriage, and wanting to have a life, be there and around, has inspired me to push through- for the family we built here.
Putting into that relationship takes energy, and I give it. I like to think I treat him well. And he treats me well. Can be stressful here at times with one of our children having issues.
There are other times I feel guilty- he works from home, comes out while kids are at school, I'm sacked out on the couch.
But this holiday season has been better for me than the last one- dare I say it, I might be getting well :-)
Not sure if any of this applies to you (lol) but having people living with you that you love, and that need you, is motivation to get better.
Congratulations-----happy for you!
-------------------- Lyme positive PCR blood, and positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011. low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012. Update 7/16- After extensive treatments, doing okay! Posts: 2518 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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posted
Beaches, I love your post so much, thank you! Yes, I think when they love you, they do indeed love you. EVERYONE in my life loves this dude that I am with, too. And they are not easy to please, let me assure you of that haha.
I always make a point to do just as you suggested-to separate the sick me from the real me. He is simply the most wonderful man I have ever known. He is just elementally, fundamentally good and hes smart and ambitious and as an added bonus he is GORGEOUS heehee .
I really am so lucky to have him. and I am not going to let my fears stop me from pursuing the only man I have ever wanted to devote my whole self to.
Thanks again so much! Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Thanks so much Surprise! Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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Ellen101
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Member # 35432
posted
Yes, your illness could test your relationship, but any relationship is full of tests. I have been married for 24yrs and believe me there have been ups and downs. Several serious medical issues along the way.
The one who sticks by you is the one you want to spend your life with.
Posts: 1748 | From United States | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
Sorry to be the non-romantic here but just remember nobody likes to be around sick people. It's OK for a few days here and there but don't lean on him too much if you really like him. When he looks at you or thinks of you, you don't your master status to be sick person. Hopefully, the sick part is only temporary so don't let it be too much of your identity.
I try to be as normal as possible with my wife and kids but sometimes I just need a nap or really can't smile for a photo when I am in med transition times.
Posts: 410 | From Victoria BC, Canada | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
Migs, I dont let being sick be part of my identity at all.
And wow if nobody likes to be around sick people then I think we all are gonna be very lonely for a very long time. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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beaches
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quote:
The one who sticks by you is the one you want to spend your life with.
Yes, absolutely 100%.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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dbpei
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posted
It sounds like he really wants to be with you. From some other posts you have written, he has seen you feeling very poorly for the last month or so and is choosing to uproot and wants to be by your side. Sounds like he is a man of character and you have someone who truly loves you.
I am blessed with a supportive husband who has been by my side through this horrible illness and some other rough times in our 33 years of marriage. With him by my side, I feel so much more able to conquer this horrible illness. I would say to count your blessings and welcome him into your life - as long as you are happy together. And it certainly sounds like you are. Posts: 2386 | From New England | Registered: Aug 2011
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lululymemom
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posted
Migs..you are so right in that we cannot let this illness define who we are..
posted
I went undiagnosed for a few years before the husband and I moved in together (although, he was the boyfriend at that time). I'd been kind of sick, and had some odd symptoms, but wasn't overly debilitated.
Then, right about the time we moved in together, I got mono on top of Lyme (but didn't actually know that I had either). I slept a lot, I didn't get a lot done around the house while he was at work (I wasn't working, but was in grad school). We fought a lot. He didn't understand that I was seriously ill, and honestly I didn't either.
Since he didn't really get what was going on with me, he thought that I was just sleeping 18 hours because I wanted to, and wasn't cleaning/doing laundry/doing anything because I didn't feel like it. It was really rough for awhile.
Eventually, we figured out that I was, in fact, seriously sick and should be seeing a doctor. We stopped fighting, and he became a lot more accepting of my limitations. He still feels pretty horrible about that whole period, but I can't fault him too much for it. He did stick it out, after all.
After almost a year, I finally got referred to a decent doctor, got diagnosed, and started treatment. It's been up and down since then, but I think knowing what was going on made it easier for us.
Living with another person is an adjustment, a really big adjustment, even without being sick as an underlying issue. But if it's the right person, then it's the right person. And if it's not, well it probably wouldn't be the right person if you were healthy either.
I don't regret moving in together when we did, and he still says he feels lucky to have me. Even though I've been sick for 5 of the 6 years we've been married, and even though I spent a good chunk of that time with an IV line in my arm. He's my guy.
I hope this one is yours.
Posts: 306 | From Brownsville, PA | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Ladycakes, thank you so much for the personal response.
I agree with you fully, when it is the right person, it is so worth it. I have been living with my fiance for a bit now and it has been going wonderfully. He is a rare and quality person.
I do not know how I got so lucky as to have this amazing man love me so much, but I am so infinitely grateful for it. Thanks again so much. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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tickled1
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posted
If he knows you are sick going into it then it will probably work out just fine.
My husband and I got married very quickly. Within 6 mos. of our first date. I started to realize something was very wrong w/my health just a couple weeks before my wedding.
After the wedding things went downhill rather fast so I've been sick through our whole 8 yr. marriage.
He didn't know what he signed up for b/c he didn't know I was sick before we got married and neither did I and he stuck by me.
If your guy knows then I can't imagine him not sticking by you if he is as wonderful as he sounds.
Posts: 2541 | From Northeast | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Thanks Tickled! Yes he is pretty wonderful. I think he will stick by me as well. I appreciate the personal response so much. Your hubby sounds like a great guy, too . Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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