posted
Dh has to go away out of state for 5 days, starting tomorrow. I'll be here alone, taking care of myself, my 2 cats and new puppy.
I don't have anyone to help me and I'm so sick right now. Treating H-Pylori, cannot eat, keep vomiting and feeling unwell and hurting all over.
I know his going away is scaring me, almost to point of panic. I do not want to add on to burden of brother and best friend (he just had stroke) who are my only outside lifelines.
I know I just have to DO IT...there are no options. I even thought of boarding the puppy but have no funds and well, it wouldn't feel right either. I'd be more worried about him not being cared for properly. Also, this early in his development, the pup is socializing well but I fear "separation" issues that could affect him down the line. Also, there's that no money thing.
I know the biggest thing I'm facing is FEAR, which is aggravating my lyme & co's symptoms further.
I'm afraid to be alone...in case I get worse, have to go to the ER, etc alone. And who would take care of my pets? Even crazier, what if I collapse and/or die while alone? See how my brain is taking every possibility to it's worst possible conclusion? That's my depression talking as well, I'm sure.
DH is oblivious, saying "it's what he has to do" and I understand that. Dang, I know he'll worry about me but him getting away from the illness and yes, me, will be good for him.
So I guess I'm battling FEAR, SELFISHNESS, and this horrible disease and it feels like an avalanche is about to fall on me. Makes me feel like a total loser.
Thanks for letting me vent...I'm hoping by putting it out there, I'll calm down and just do what's needed. I didn't die the last time he went away.....gotta believe I won't this time either.
[ 08-29-2013, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: healthywealthywise ]
Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I understand everything you are saying. When my husband gets work, he sometimes has to travel. We have 3 dogs and I am debilitated too so it is terrifying to be alone.
Do you have enough medicine and food to get you through these 5 days? Are you able to drive if you needed something?
I would encourage you to ask your brother and friend to just check in on you daily- even just phone calls. It might ease your fears enough to get through this to know that if push comes to shove, you have them to help.
And you have us and we can help you think through the challenges you might face in the next few days.
Sometimes when my husband leaves, things are very hard. Other times I am ok- i try to just prepare stuff I can for myself and the dogs in the morning when i don't feel as bad so i can lay down the rest of the day.
You have a puppy? i LOVE puppies but oh man they are a lot of work and insane! LOL! I'm having flashbacks to when my husky/lab was a puppy... Do you have a nice chair you can sit in outside while the puppy runs around in the yard and gets some of that energy out?
Posts: 428 | From Midwest | Registered: Dec 2012
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Keep trying to think positive thoughts. Hopefully, you will do better than you think!!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
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posted
I get it too these last few months have been rough and I have a few more to go through so far so good I hate leaving the dog in the kennel and rides to places I can't drive because of anesthesia your meds are always hard to figure out also
somehow things have fallen into place for me when I needed them too
for me it's gotten so scary I've just let it go and somehow I'm still here
keep the phone near you come on here a lot and make sure you know who you can call in an emergency good luck
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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Kudzuslipper
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posted
I believe your brother and friend would not feel burdened at all. My 89 year old mother still lives alone... We have a system that every morning she calls my sisters cell phone and leaves a message.. No conversation, just I'm ok. If she doesn't call we call her, if she doesn't answer we call the neighbors or the police. Maybe you could ask your one of them if you could just leave msg every day... Just so someone knows your ok. And you know someone knows that.
As far as the puppy goes... You may be surprised that he gives you a break and just chills out with you. They can be very perceptive. Do you have any kongs you can fill with kibble and peanut butter and freeze? That could keep h distracted. If you don't have a kong. You can put kibble or treats in an old sock and knot it. That will keep him occupied for a while too.
I am afraid of being alone too, but setting up your safety nets make you feel more secure...and sometimes, I like it cause I can just be... It's like a vacation. I can read, watch silly movies, stay in my pj's and snuggle with the animals.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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GretaM
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Honest to goodness, you will be fine
It is scary, but you will be fine.
You can do it. If you feel too weak to do something, let yourself rest for 10 minutes and try again.
And most importantly, forgive yourself for being frightened.
Sometimes I think we can be too hard on ourselves.
These infections are disabling.
There are times I feel so weak, so exhausted and so alone. But I read others posts on here and it reminds me that I'm not isolated.
Puppies are so wonderful
Please keep in touch to let us know how you're doing Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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posted
Thanks all! I promise to check in......I find it's usually the first day that freaks me out. After, I sort of fall into a rhythm and do relax.
Such a big baby......I admit it. Never was before, thus making this all the more embarrassing to what little pride I have left.
Damn bugs........
[ 08-30-2013, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: healthywealthywise ]
Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Carol in PA
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posted
Okay, now I'll be checking this thread daily to make sure that you check in!
Which part of Pennsylvania are you in? My area is having warm, but humid, weather.
If you do sit out in the back yard with the puppy, be sure to sit with your bare feet on the ground. This facilitates the passage of electrons into your body, which "appear to stop the rampage of destructive free radicals at the basis of chronic pain and inflammation."
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
not able to read what others have posted or what you posted.
I just wanted to let you know that I do better on my own for the most part as having someone in the apartment wears me out even if they are doing all the work.
Strange I know. bottom line. you might surprise yourself and be Ok. I sure hope so.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Kudzuslipper
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How has today been HWW? thinking of you.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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posted
Wow, I am so amazed at those who are thinking of me today!
So far, so good.....everybody's alive! Though puppy did have accident in his pen which NEVER happened before. Dh told me as he left pup went already so should be good for late afternoon.
Huh? Nope.....pup has his own schedule and I missed the signs. Won't next time. So now I'm laundering the dog bed and switched in a big fluffy towel so he could nap comfy. OOo, those basement steps are treacherous, but I have prevailed.
Tried to let him out to run and he came right back in.....like I've been told, he'll adapt to me and somehow, I think he knows I can't run with him. Sweet. For now....??
Just this outreach of support is so amazing to me..Carol, I'm near Reading, PA. Atta, so many thank you's for sending me a line. I will not abuse or waste it.
You are ALL so lovely....so I guess this is my Friday check-in? If I told anyone in my "near life", they would not believe the kind of care you all have shown me.
Gobsmacked and so greatful! You will all never know........ Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I'm alone all day and I do better less stress and I like to feel the independence even if its getting out of bed. Be sure to check in throughout the day we will be here
Posts: 47 | From new england | Registered: Jul 2013
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MannaMe
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posted
healthywealthywise, I was telling my hubby about your fears of stying alone - his comment, " I can feel for her!"
If there weren't so many times of feeling so weird.....
There's 2 of us thinking of you also.
Posts: 2601 | From USA | Registered: Aug 2011
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posted
Seems I have a whole village to care for me.......thank you so much!
One more play w/the puppy time, outside time to go and then bed. He starts his day at 7am which is killer for me since it takes a while for my meds to kick in...but he's my job right now, caring and loving him and keeping us all alive.
Some days, that's all we have, right?
Blessings on all.....you deserve them in monumental proportions! Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Dekrator48
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posted
Praying for you, healthywealthywise!
If you need some uplifting, listen to KLove which is positive and encouraging all the time!
Click on the link, scroll over the heading "Music Room" and click on "listen online".
Sounds like you are doing ok!
-------------------- The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11 Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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Kudzuslipper
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posted
Your post made me smile. Hope your Saturday check in us as great.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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GretaM
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HHW- I am glad to hear your first day is a success!
My dog used to be like that also.
They don't know they should sleep in a bit on the weekends! haha! She'd nudge me with her wet nose to say, "Time to take me out". It annoyed me at the time, of course, but it is really cute.
And good for you for braving the basement steps to wash the dog bed.
I know I sound like an old hen here but please, if you go down those stairs again make sure you hold onto the railing and also if you can carry the phone on you.
I've had a few close calls with stairs and they are unforgiving.
What breed is your puppy? It sounds cute as a button
I hope you have a restful night
Best wishes
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Greta, thanks for the reminder of carrying the phone with me....I forgot to do that! Mr. Darcy is a 4 month old Bernese Mountain Dog.
Today had rough start. I was able to feed and care for pets, found the cat had accident on bathroom rug so I have to wash that next.
Feeling awful, nausea, neck pain and what feels like the beginning of a migraine. Took some Pepto, but so far, no better.
Of course I have to remember I feel awful most days so don't make big thing of it in my head...I will get through it. Will likely be in and out of bed all day. It's weird I can usually handle it, but the stress of being the ONLY ONE here makes stress worse. Bad enough feeling bad, but add on sole responsibility and I feel like I'm failing, even though I'm not.
Just figured I record it here...maybe that will even things out for me. I hate feeling sick every day, symptoms may change but the core "crap/ick/weak" factor is dibilitating. Just have to make it thru next 4 days......
No need to respond as I know I have an army praying and wishing good thoughts for me. I need to take some time to return the favor to my friends here at Lymnenet. Fantastic individuals who don't even know me, but care. It helps, I promise.
I do believe this is a herx f/the abx I'm taking for the h-pylori so must accept that it's real, but this too shall pass.
Puppy barking so I have to go check on him......not his fault his mama is below par so I'll fake it til I make it. It's what all of us do every day, isn't it?
Peace and a Happy Labor Day Weekend to all! If you can, get out there and make some memories with those you love! Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Kudzuslipper
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Hope you feel better HWW. I know how your feeling, during my worst time DH had to go away... He got trapped away by a snow storm... Was supposed to be a quick trip and it ended up being 6 days. And I had to rally to take care of my two dogs in a blizzard. Snatch rest where you can. Stay safe. And remember no one is perfect. Cut yourself some slack. Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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kam
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glad you checked in. Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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randibear
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posted
hey hon. enjoy it. watch tv, take long baths. watch what you want to, read romance novels.
i enjoy it when he's gone.
course i'm half crazy anyway...but i like me and i do ok with my company.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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GretaM
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posted
Hww-I'm having one of those days also. Migraine chasing me. Taken all the amount of meds I can safely take. I'll be in and out of bed today too. But I keep telling myself it's OK because I can't have the same standards as before I got sick.
Hope your migraine doesn't catch you.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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Silverwolf
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Hello <<<<< HealthyW'W >>>>>,
TxC' and I will be praying for you as well!
I had to be alone,while TxC' traveled out of state in July, and it was scary,but I did alright!
Muad'i dog needing out at night, in this big city, was unnerving but it turned out okay.
TxC's flights in and out were really messed up but God granted mercy and grace. It was to a hearing we had waited on for four years. To miss it would have been awful.
We are still waiting on a decision as to how much VA disability he will receive, but I made it 'til he got home. And you will as well.
I know it isn't easy when one is unwell, thinking of you!
Jus' that Silverwolfi
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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Kudzuslipper
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Good Morning HWW! how did last night go?
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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posted
Actually, last night was a lot of fun! I taught puppy to go up and down the stairs by himself. He's smart and picked it up right away.
Of course, now he wants to do it all of the time...no no, too much chasing! So baby gate is in place.
He however, spent the entire evening w/me in my office w/pc. He was so grown up, I didn't have to put him in the pen I have up here. We sat on the floor and played, and then he fell asleep on my lap....so cute.
I swear he knows to be gentle with me...and the kits too. I have my little fur army protecting me 24/7. We all sort of fell into a "groove" that works. Ahhhhh......
Dh called last night wishing he was home. I told him I have an ARMY of friends within a few keystrokes if I get into trouble. He doesn't get it, but I do. And thankfully, so do all of you! MY LYMENET FRIENDS RULE and I can feel your prayers and good wishes holding me up.
It's what I put into my head....for now, I have to soar and be my best me...can crash later if necessary. Just 2 more days but the strength of you all buoys me....if I feel like crashing, I think of you guys holding me up and I get energy. So hard to explain but easy to feel.
I hope someday, I can return the favor to each and every one of you beautiful people.
Thunderstorms coming tonight.....only prayer I have is not to lose power! So hot and humid here in PA, it's hard to breathe. AC is my best friend these days.....heck, what am I saying? I actually close off heat vents in winter. I'm a chill girl all the way!
I hope you all are having a lovely holiday weekend, though I do find myself being a bit jealous of those "healthy" people, larking it up on beaches, in the surf, at pools and barbeques w/family and friends. I wonder if they REALLY know how lucky they are?
Maybe someday.....for each and all of us, right?
Guess this is my check in for now...please know I am sending good wishes to all for your support in my "fright phase". You cannot know how it helps but it does.
Magical land of lyme.....a horrible crippling disease that brings out the best in people...and yes, I mean YOU!!
-------------------- The fibromyalgia I've had for 32 years was an undiagnosed Lyme symptom.
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". -Jeremiah 29:11 Posts: 6076 | From Pennsylvania, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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Pocono Lyme
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I sure hope there isn't a power outage. It is sticky for sure. Thunder in this part of PA now.
Prayers for you and want to add that I think you are handling it very well.
God is always with us so no fears.
I just posted this on God Thought and thought it would be appropriate for you And the rest of us.
-------------------- 2 Corinthians 12:9-11
9 But he said to me, �My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.� Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ�s power may rest on me. Posts: 1445 | From Poconos, PA | Registered: Jul 2004
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Poor guy got a speeding ticket in West VA that was definitely a speed trap down a big hill. DH NEVER speeds, it was just the cruise control "coast" that got him in trouble.
Oh who cares.......he's home and we're all together again. I officially relinquished puppy duty back to him for a while and am going to take a nap! Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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"I hope you all are having a lovely holiday weekend, though I do find myself being a bit jealous of those "healthy" people, larking it up on beaches, in the surf, at pools and barbeques w/family and friends. I wonder if they REALLY know how lucky they are?
Maybe someday.....for each and all of us, right?"
-
Yes, they have no idea how lucky they are!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96239 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Kudzuslipper
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Great job. I net you feel great. Tired... But great.
Posts: 1728 | From USA | Registered: May 2011
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randibear
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posted
my husband is off tomorrow for a deer hunt. will be gone several days.
looking forward to it. tho i get scared at night i do have the security system and that helps.
i'm glad you're ok. wish i had your puppy..
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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