(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin thing' usually end in fine.(
4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement Often misunderstood by men.
A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.
DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever'.)
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F_ _ _ YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
For the woman's response refer to # 3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know these rules are all true. --
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
i'm starting off with a serious one; one we can all relate too on our lyme journeys...
CRABBY OLD MAN
When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa, Florida, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.
Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem.
Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.
One nurse took her copy to Missouri.
The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.
A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.
And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.
Crabby Old Man
What do you see nurses?....What do you see? What are you thinking.......when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, not very wise, Uncertain of habit ...... with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food and makes no reply When you say in a loud voice.. 'I do wish you'd try!
Who seems not to notice the things that you do. And forever is losing..... A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not.. lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding.......The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?
Is that what you see? Then open your eyes nurse You're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am.
As I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding,.....as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten.....with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters.........who love one another
A young boy of sixteen with wings on his feet Dreaming that soon now a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at twenty......my heart gives a leap. Remembering, the vows.......that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five, now........I have young of my own. Who need me to guide....And a secure happy home.
A man of thirty.....My young now grown fast, Bound to each other.......With ties that should last.
Forty, my young sons.....have grown and are gone, But my woman's beside me.....to see I don't mourn.
At fifty, once more,.....Babies play 'round my knee , Again, we know children.....My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me.
My wife is now dead. I look at the future............I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing.....young of their own. And I think of the years....
And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man. and nature is cruel. Tis jest to make old age.....look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles.........grace and vigor, depart. There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass......
A young guy still dwells, And now and again.........my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys..............I remember the pain. And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years.....all too few......gone too fast. And accept the stark fact.........that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people.........open and see. Not a crabby old man. Look closer....see........ME!! ***************************
Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within....we will all, one day, be there, too!
(Much sooner than we expect to be there.)
PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM
The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart.
(If you haven't learned this lesson already, get prepared it comes very quickly)
**********************************
Dear God:
The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her.
Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most,
And let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe.
******************************
Meaning of color and your Birthday
Don't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper,
and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.
1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)
answers
1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue- You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the m aximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong l ove relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person is your best friend.
6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.
8.. If you chose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
posted
Getting older: lf for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ......... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your he art not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES
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emla999/Lyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12606
On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said: 'Today, I am going to create a land called Minnesota.
It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty; a land of 10,000 beautiful lakes, each one full of fish. It shall have tall majestic pines, peacefully flowing rivers, landscapes full of buffalo, tall grass, and eagles, beautiful blue skies, forests full of bear, elk and moose, rich farmland and fair skinned people.'
God continued, 'I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper and they shall be known as a most friendly people, people who practice being Minnesota Nice every day.'
But Lord,' asked Gabriel, 'don't you think you are being too generous to these Minnesotans?'
'Not really,' replied God 'just wait and see the winters I am going to give them.' *******
Ole and Sven had really 'packed on the pounds' by over-eating during Christmas and the New Year's Holidays, so their doctor put them on the same diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.
When the Norwegians returned, they shocked their doctor by having lost nearly 25 POUNDS each.
'Why, that's positively amazing!' the doctor said. 'Did you follow my instructions?'
Then Ole and Sven nodded and said. . . . . . .
'We vant to tell you though, we taut we was gonna drop dead dat 3rd day.'
'From hunger, you mean?'. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 'No, yust from all dat skippin'! *********************************
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
some serious ones here, but inspirational for this CHRIMSTAS day 2008 !!
Merry Christmas everyone or to whoever you believe in. May you all have healthier and happier new years! BettyG, Iowa
I saw this many years ago and I still love it. Hope you enjoy it too. Interview with God - absolutely beautiful . No matter what you believe,this is worth the 60 seconds it takes to watch.
Merry Christmas to some of my favorite people! I hope you can take time to read this ~ it's perfect for the season.
Quilt of Holes
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter.
But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life.
I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life ... it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
Say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.
Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
since board has been down, i'll have lots of posts for this subject!
TROOPER AND THE FARMER ... good one! thx judy! betty A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer says--"Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses a.. ?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have far too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses a.."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."
*************** From: Subject: A question of the season Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2008 06:27:00 +0000
fyi
Feel free to sail these comments over the Internet to friends, favorite websites or jumpstart a conversation with YOUR comments at one of the following sites or to me. This and more timely columns and blogs are available at www.Knoxvoice.com/blog/truthserum/,www.mwcnews.net,www.opednews.com/blogs/ and elsewhere. To be taken off this list, click unsuscribe at bottom.
My latest
Go ahead, hang a shining star upon the highest bough and... you know...
by Don Williams Shalom, salaam, namaste shantih, kapayapaan and peace.
While ringing a bell for universality, I pose a question to observers of Christmas, one that bestirs itself to haunt me in a tuneful way each holiday season, and so I pass my quizzical spirit of Christmas past along to you...
Did you ``hang a shining star upon the highest bough'' or merely ``muddle through somehow'' this Christmas season? (Either way it's not too late, unless you're catching up to this in 09).
And does that choice represent the difference between....
Idealists and realists?
Traditionalists and progressives?
Or just Garland and Sinatra?
Some would say it's a question that separates purists from subversives.
OK, it's a question topped with froth, I admit. Silly on the surface, but I maintain it's deep and rich underneath.
And so it sometimes haunts philosophers and music lovers.
And because it involves one of the most beautiful and subtle tunes ever, it's a question I take pleasure in considering as I listen for ``Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas,'' the song from whence it springs.
Be warned:
The song has two endings, so unless you've listened carefully each year as the earth slips into darkness of winter solstice and thereby come to know each crooner's take, you'll have to wait until the next to the very last line--don't forget to pay attention--to discover which version you're hearing.
Is it the one that emerges from darkness to embrace light, or the one that embraces darkness?
Is it maudlin to suggest one should hang a star upon the highest bough?
That's the heart of the question, the conundrum of the season, isn't it?
You'll not hear any advice about hanging a star if you should sit to watch ``Meet Me in St. Louis'' (1944, Vincente Minelli dir.), the movie that made the song famous.
It just might be the best Christmas card ever to pose as a film. I made viewing it a ritual occasion after reading a sweet essay by Knoxville librarian Nelda Hill two or three years ago. Hill chronicled how the movie had become a permanent holdiay fixture among rituals at her family hearth.
In the film, Judy Garland croons the song to her sister, a character played by 7-year-old Margaret O'Brien, when it appears their happy family must leave their beloved St. Louis home.
The film's saccharine to some tastes, but it's warm and beautiful and spiced by an edgy script containing irreverence and whimsy.
My favorite lines emanate from O'Brien, the most heartbreaking child actor of all time (yes, including Shirley Temple) who--telling why she can't possibly move to New York-says with both spunk and a tear in her voice....
``I'm starting a tunnel tomorrow from our garden right under the streetcar tracks into Mrs. Middleton's terrace. While she's walking around her lawn, I'll grab her by the leg... I'm not going till I'm finished.''
But leave she must, or so she comes to believe, and if you know the story of the song, maybe you heard that composer Hugh Martin originally penned lyrics almost comically bleak. According to WordHappy, a feature of a blog at toddiedowns.wordpress.com, they included:
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
It may be your last....
And....
Faithful friends who were dear to us
Will be near to us no more.
Judy Garland found the words too depressing, so Hugh Martin changed them for the film, though the song ended on the lines....
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow,
and have yourself a merry little Christmas now.
With apologies to traditionalists, that closing always struck me as not just depressing but predictable.
The prettiest and perhaps most meaningful line in caroling only made it to the song in 1957, when Frank Sinatra asked Martin to brighten the words in keeping with the mood of Sinatra's album, ``A Jolly Christmas,'' then in the works.
And so Martin bestowed the gift of....
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
Try singing without raising your eyes to some starry beyond as your voice ascends the phrase.
I confess that each year I try to hang such a star if only in a metaphorical sense (my wife prefers an angel atop the tree) and this is what I'd prescribe for you.
Go ahead, it's not too late, hang a shining star upon the highest bough...
And... you know....
Don Williams is a prize-winning columnist for Knoxville Voice, a blogger for www.knoxvoice.com and the founding editor and publisher of New Millennium Writings, an annual anthology of literary stories, essays and poems. He is finishing a novel, "ORACLE OF THE ORCHID LOUNGE," set in his native Tennessee and Iraq.
*********
Interesting. Turn on your sound.
44 U.S Presidents' pictures, starting with George Washington. VERY INTERESTING HOW THIS IS DONE.... A SEAMLESS TRANSITION FROM ONE PIC TO ANOTHER...... Turn up the volume. Forty four presidents, backed by Ravel's Bolero. http://www.flixxy.com/presidents-morphing.htm
24 HOURS LEFT ... Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't." *********************************
My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions.
It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary.
Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.
Obituary
Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a class mate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; a nd a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Author unknown **************
THE Little HOUSE behind the House!
One of my fondest memories As I recall the days of yore Was the little house, behind the house, With the crescent o'er the door. 'Twas a place to sit and ponder With your head all bowed down low; Knowing that you wouldn't be there, If you didn't just HAVE to go.
Our's was a multi-holler, three, With a size for every one. You left there feeling better, After your job was done.
You had to make those frequent trips In snow, rain, sleet, or fog-- To that little house where you usually, Found the Sears catalog.
Oft times in dead of winter, The seat was spread with snow. T'was then with much reluctance, To that little house you'd go.
With a swish you'd clear that wooden seat, Bend low, with dreadful fear You'd shut your eyes and grit your teeth As you settled on your rear.
I recall the day Ol' Grandpa, Who stayed with us one summer, Made a trip out to that little house Which proved to be a bummer.
'Twas the same day that my Dad had Finished painting the kitchen green. He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made With rags and gasoline.
He tossed the rags down in the hole Went on his usual way Not knowing that by doing so He'd eventually rue the day. Now Grandpa had an urgent call, I never will forget! This trip he made to the little house Stays in my memory yet.
He sat down on the wooden seat, With both feet on the floor. He filled his pipe and tapped it down And struck a match on the outhouse door.
He lit the pipe and sure enough, It soon began to glow. He slowly raised his rear a bit And tossed the flaming match below. The Blast that followed, I am told Was heard for miles around; And there was poor ol' Grandpa Sprawled out there on the ground.
The smoldering pipe still in his mouth, His eyes were shut real tight; The celebrated three -holler Was blown clear out of sight.
We asked him what had happened, What he said I'll ne'er forget. He said he thought it must have been The pinto beans he et! Next day we had a new one Dad put it up with ease. But this one had a door sign That read: No Smoking, Please
Now that's the story's end my friend, Of memories long ago, When we went to the house behind the house, Because we HAD to go.
For those who never had to trot out in the Cold..... Just be thankful, for progress,and, some things,
That are worth more than GOLD!
******************
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS.........
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'
Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
When a quarter was a decent allowance?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time?
And you didn't pay for air? And, you got trading stamps to boot?
Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. And they did!
When a 57 Chevy was everyone's dream car...to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
And with all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace,and share it with the children of today?
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?
Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
Laurel and Hardy,Howdy Dowdy and the Peanut Gallery,the Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Bell , Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk.
I am sharing this with you today because it ended with a double dog dare to pass it on. To remember what a double dog dare is, read on.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
How many of these do you remember?
Candy cigarettes
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Newsreels before the movie P.F Fliers
Telephone numbers with a word prefix...(Raymond 4-601). Party lines
Howdy Doody
Hi-Fi's
45 RPM records
78 RPM records!
Green Stamps
Metal ice cubes trays with levers
Roller-skate keys
Cork pop guns
Studebakers
Washtub wringers
Erector Sets
15 cent McDonald hamburgers
5 cent packs of baseball cards -with that awful pink slab of bubble gum
Penny candy
25 cent a gallon gasoline
Do you remember a time when...
'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was 'cooties'?
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
'Oly-oly-oxen-free' made perfect sense?
Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
Baseball cards in the spokes ransformed any bike into a motorcycle?
Great Recipe This is kind of long but take time to read when you get a chance. A nice reminder............. 1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant. 2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to. 3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to__________ today. I am thankful for______________' 4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. 5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts. 6. Try to make at least three people smile each day. 7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card. 9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?' 17. Forgive everyone for everything. 18. What other people think of you is none of your business. 19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him. 20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!! 22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for__________. Today I accomplished_________. 24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed. 25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it. ************ GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE : 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN: 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today. 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend: Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Ponderisms I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive any way. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?' Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.' If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember! A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week.
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered. *********************
"That is an honourable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh.....
I guess only people in the medical field could really appreciate this. Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient. Okay then, Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen.
Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
I'm so sorry, said the nurse. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again.
Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?
It's swollen, Fred replied. ****************
Subject: FW: BABY QUEEN ( this is brilliant )]
Open the attachment, click on the "Baby Queen" and ENJOY ...!
THIS IS SO FUNNY. Who ever made this is very clever.
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Walmart Greeter
Yep, even when I need to work after "retirement," it won't be at a Wall Mart
As many of you know, I had ambitions of finding a simple, uncomplicated part-time job after retiring from my 'day job'.
Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I have become a little less sensitive. So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.....
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,
Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.
'Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
------------------------
One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening to the radio. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes' exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
lol ****************
MEMORY TEST!
This is NOT a pushover test. There are 20 questions. Average score is 12. It will help if you are over 60! This one will be difficult for the younger set.
Have fun, but no peeking!
When you forward this to your friends/family, put your score in the subject line & let t hem know your score.
Don't forget to forward it to me, as well. Good luck youngsters.
1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins B. The Buttmaster C. Spaghetti D. Wonder Bread E. Orange Juice F. Milk G. Cod Liver Oil
2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson B. Roy Orbison C. Gene Autry D. Rudolph Valentino E. Fabian F. Mickey Mantle G. Cassius Clay
3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and...
A. It's you B. He is us C. It's the Grinch D. He wasn't home E. He's really me an F. We quit G. He surrendered
4. Good night David.
A. Good nigh Chet B. Sleep well C. Good night Irene D. Good night Gracie E. See you later alligator F. Until tomorrow G. Good night Steve
5. You'll wonder where the yellow went...
A. When you use Tide B. When you lose your crayons C. When you clean your tub D. If you paint the room blue E. If you buy a soft water tank F. When you use Lady Clairol G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...
A. Stuart Whitman B. Randolph Scott C. Steve Reeves D. Maynard G. Krebbs E. Corky B. Dork F. Dave the Whal e G. Zippy Zoo
7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar B. Your nose is growing C. Pants on fire D. Join the choir E. Jump up higher F. On the wire G. I'm telling Mom
8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...
A. Wheaties B. Lois Lane C. TV ratings D. World peace E. Red tights F. The American way G. News headlines
9. Hey kids! What time is it?
A. It's time for Yogi Bear B. It's time to do your homework C. It's Howdy Doody Time D. It's Time for Romper Room E. It's bedtime F. The Mighty Mouse Hour G. Scoopy Doo Time
10. Lions and tigers and bears....
A. Yikes B. Oh no C. Gee whiz D. I'm scared E. Oh my F. Help! Help! G. Let's run
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone...
A. Over 40 B. Wearing a uniform C. Carrying a briefcase D. Over 30 E. You don't know F. Who says, 'Trust me' G. Who eats tofu
12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings...
A. Troy Aikman B. Kenny Stabler C. Joe Namath D. Roger Stauback E. Joe Montana F. Steve Young G. John Elway
13. Brylcream...
A. Smear it on B. You'll smell great C. Tame that cowlick D. Grease ball heaven E. It's a dream F. We're your team G. A little dab'll do ya
14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins B. With my man, Bill C. Down at the mill D. Over the windowsill E. With t hyme and dill F. Too late to enjoy G. On Blueberry Hill
15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...
A. Clark Gable B. Mary Martin C. Doris Day D. Errol Flynn E. Sally Fields F. Jim Carey G. Jay Leno
16. Name the Beatles...
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel G. John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. I wonder, wonder, who..
A. Who ate the leftovers? B.. Who did the laundry? C. Was it you? D. Who wrote the book of love? E.. Who I am? F. Passed the test? G. Knocked on the door?
18. I'm strong to the finish...
A. Cause I eats my broccoli B. Cause I eats me spinach C. Cause I lift weights D. Cause I'm the hero E. And don't you forget it F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me G. To outlast Bruto
19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...
A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera B. Smile, you're on Star Search C. Smile, you won the lottery D. Smile, we're watching you E. Smile, the world sees you F. Smile, you're a hit G. Smile, you're on TV
20. What do M & M's do?
A. Make your tummy happy B.. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket C. Make you fat D. Melt your heart E. Make you popular F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand G. Come in colors
Below are the right answers:
1. D - Wonder Bread 2. G - Cassius Clay 3. B - He Is Us 4. A - Good night, Chet 5. G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 6. D - Maynard G.. Krebbs 7. C - Pants On Fire 8. F - The American Way 9. C - It's Howdy Doody Time 10. E - Oh My 11. D - Over 30 12. C - Joe Namath 13. G - A little dab'll do ya 14. G - On Blueberry Hill 15. B - Mary Martin 16. G - John, Paul, George, Ringo 17. D - Who wrote the book of Love 18. B - Cause I eats me spinach 19. A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera 20. F - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand
***************
WINTER Poem
It's winter in Iowa And the gentle breezes blow Seventy miles an hour At twenty-five below.
Oh, how I love Iowa When the snow's up to your butt You take a breath of winter And your nose gets frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful So I guess I'll hang around I could never leave Iowa I'm frozen to the freakin'' ground!
**********
if you do have high speed for fun. .... ABOUT ALL THE PILLS WE TAKE!
M-ake us O-bedient & R-eady for a N-ew day with Him. I-nspire others please, and N-ever forget, G-od loves you!
If you like it, send it to others. God will bless you for doing just that!!!
HAVE A BLESSED DAY!
************
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh.....
I guess only people in the medical field could really appreciate this.
Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.
Okay then, Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen..
Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
I'm so sorry, said the nurse. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?
posted
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week.
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honourable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. --------------------------------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." -------------------------------------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. -------------------------------
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it? ---------------------------------
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) ----------------------------------------
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." -------------------------------------
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" ---------------------------------------
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! Who DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .. "HEBREWS" -----------------------------------------
the Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. ------------------------------------------
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boy friend.'
A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'
I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WHO DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS, BUT THINK THAT NO ONE EVER SEES.
LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT . *******************
Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend) influence the life of a child.
How will you touch the life of someone today? Just by sending this to someone else, you will probably make them at least think about their influence on others.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals everything-but you have to ask Him.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are in need. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.
************************
THIS STARTED IN 1998
I don't know if this has been around this long but I thought it was really a nice thought and something to live by. May God bless...
'The light of God surrounds us. The love of God enfolds us. The power of God protects us. The presence of God watches over us. Wherever we are God is and all is well.'
Angels have walked beside me all My life--and they still do. *********************
This is to all of you who mean something to me, I pray for your happiness. The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship
This candle was lit on the 15th of September, 1998
Someone who loves you has helped Keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope and Friendship die!
Pass It On To All of your friends and everyone you love! May God richly bless you as you keep this candle burning.
I received it today for the first time and I hope it comes back again someday. Please keep this candle alive
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
Maybe I can make you smile!!!
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE LYME WHEN:
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
Steve [Smile]
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
REDNECK SEX
A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Bubba and Sweet Pea, paid a visit to their doctor.
"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said Bubba. "My thingy's turnin' blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, Bubba's "thingy" really was blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?"
"Yep, shore am," she replied brightly.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape", she said. **********************
Snoring
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help .
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. Yeah right!' she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around he dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly.
The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.
He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom , he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, 'I don't know where we were .... or what we did ... but, by golly, we took first and second place!"
********************************
ole
Ole was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars," she whispers.
He'd never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it's only twenty bucks.
So they hide in the bushes. They're going "at it" for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them-- it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making luff to my vife," Ole answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry." says the cop. "I didn't know."
"Vell," says Ole, "I din't neder, 'til you shined that damn light in her face."
*****************
A letter to my bank.
Dear Sirs,
In view of what seems to be happening internationally with banks at the moment, I was wondering if you could advise me.
If one of my checks is returned marked "Insufficient Funds," how do I know whether that refers to me or to you?
posted
Lars, a Norwegian from Cook County in northern Minnesota, was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised aLutheran. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his grill and cook a venison steak.
All of Lars' neighbors were Catholic. Since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venisonsteaks was causing
such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to the priest. The priest came to visit Lars and suggested that Lars convert to catholicism.
After several classes and much study, Lars attended Mass.
As the priest sprinkled holy water over Lars, he said,
"You were born a Lutheran and raised a Lutheran, but now you are a catholic."
Lars' neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The priest was called immediately by the neighbors As he rushed into Lars' yard, clutching a rosary and preparing to scold Lars, he stopped in amazement and watched..
There stood Lars, holding a small bottle of water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted,
"You were born a deer and raised a deer, but now you are a walleye."
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bettyg
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Disorder in the American Courts/ laugh for the day .
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, recorded and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place...
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
DEFENDANT: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? DEFENDANT: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old , how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ________________ _________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor ?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
-------------------------------------
This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ..
'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be darned!! A talking pig!' lol
***********************
WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING
A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you made my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'
**********************
LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT . *******************
Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend) influence the life of a child.
How will you touch the life of someone today?
Just by sending this to someone else, you will probably make them at least think about their influence on others. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
************
The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden!
You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham.
Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding." *******************************
The Usher
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps,
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely. "The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. "No." he said.. "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked. "No." she said. "Good," he answered. ********************
Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.
Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole." ********************
The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer.
"Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole." **************************
The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean"
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church ."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?" *************
Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner."
Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth ***********************
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
for a unique one on a special video; very inspiring!! The Grocery Store Bagger!!
This short pps show is an inspirational story. It is a story of Johnny, the grocery store bagger.
It is very short, but it will remind you of why and how we make an impact in what we do.
You may even want to share it with others, and I hope you will.
It's amazing how one young Down's Syndrome bagger made such a wonderful impact on those customers lucky enough to have Johnny bag their groceries!
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.
The women were arguing noisily even in the court.
The judge, banging his gavel to quiet them, said, "We are going to do this in an orderly manner. I can't listen to all of you at once. I'll hear the oldest first." ------------------------------
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. **********************************************
need a laugh; watch this 9 minute video and pay attention to the senior citizen in the middle who will crack you and the professional comedian up! thx Lois! betty ************************
G U I D A N C E
Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word ~ Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance." God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies are upon you on this day and every day.
May you abide in God, as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.
This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.
And I Hope You Dance Through 2009! ************************************
THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME
Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.
The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs.
They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.' Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'
The next batter was named Faith , who also got a single because Faith works with Love .
The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.
Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what satan throws.
The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player.
Up to the plate stepped Grace . Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'
satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace . Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch.
To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.
He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence
The Lord's team won!
The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.
The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself.
Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:
'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephestians 2:8-9
Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'
I do Love God. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I am nothing, but with him: 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' Phil 4:13
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bettyg
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posted
this you will enjoy!! UPLIFTING; BRINGING TEARS TO YOUR EYES.
Connie talbot, the young girl on the clips is only 6 years old. ********************
I've seen the first clip before and may have even passed it along to you all.
The fist clip tells the story of her start so watch it first.
The second clip is even better so Turn up your sound and listen....I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!
there are MORE videos so listen to them all as you read/type here!
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
S O M E T I M E S
Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears.
Sometimes... when you are in pain. no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes. when you are worried.. no one sees your stress
Sometimes. when you are happy.. no one sees your smile ..
But FART !! just ONE time...
And everybody knows!!
Gotcha!! You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!
***************
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career *************
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bettyg
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An older couple is lying in bed one morning. They had just awakened from a good night's sleep He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.' 'Why not?' he asked. She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked...'What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!' She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.' He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?'
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'
.............
Remember... Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed .
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food.
....If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan... Will Not Be Evenly Distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film.
I always know... God won't give me more than I can handle There are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff
If the shoe fits... Buy a pair in every colour..
Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.
Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian. Not any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Bills travel through the mail... At twice the speed of cheques.
If you look like your passport picture... You probably need the trip.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind And narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years And throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me... You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!!
Have A Wonderful Day! Hold your loved ones close, tell them your love them, for if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today!
*****************************
serious one but thoughtful ...
Psalm 23
The Lord is my Shepherd = That's Relationship!
I shall not want = That's Supply!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures = That's Rest!
He leadeth me beside the still waters = That's Refreshment!
He restoreth my soul = That's Healing!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness = That's Guidance!
For His name sake = That's Purpose!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of t he shadow of death = That's Testing!
I will fear no evil = That's Protection!
For Thou art with me = That's Faithfulness!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me = That's Discipline!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies = That's Hope!
Thou annointes t my head with oil = That's Consecration!
My cup runneth over = That's Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life = That's Blessing !
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord = That's Security!
Forever = That's Eternity!
Face it, the Lord is crazy about you.
I thought this was pretty special, just like YOU!!!
What is most valuable, Is not what we have in our lives, but WHO we have in our lives!
'Do not ask the Lord to Guide your Footsteps if you are not willing to move your Feet' Peace.
Even though you can't see Him, GOD is there for you When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!
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Remember, If you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, Then you're just a sour old fart!
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial rates And blamed it on the cost of living.
Are you smiling yet? Have a great day!!
THE IRONY OF LIFE IS THAT, BY THE TIME YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE ANY MORE. **********************************************
THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent".
In tears, she sobbed, "Well, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" ***********************
SERIOUS .... CELINE DION & ELVIS SINGING DUET!!
For those of you that didn't see the show, Celine Dion appeared to walk out and stand next to Elvis as the two sang a duet of the classic "If I can Dream." It was like he was raised from the dead. Everyone has been asking how it was done. ET said tonight it was a hologram. Totally amazing what they can do now. Estimated cost of this was said to have cost between $50,000 to $100,000 and it is said it took months and months to create. Prior to the performance, Celine practiced with an Elvis impersonator. However it was done, it was totally amazing to me. She sounded great singing with Elvis. The duet was fantastic.
Celine Dion in front of a LIVE Studio Audience. This is absolutely unbelievable how they have done this. It really - really does look for all the world that Elvis is actually standing there live on stage singing along side Celine Dion in front of the live American Idol audience. Watch and listen to the audience going berserk, as they themselves think they are actually seeing Elvis right there in front of them. A truly amazing use of modern day technology brings Elvis Presley back to life in front of your own eye's. Click below!
The main difference between http:// and https:// is all about keeping you secure.
HTTP stands for HyperText Transport Protocol,
which is just a fancy way of saying it is a protocol (a language, in a manner of speaking) for information to be passed back and forth between web servers and clients.
The important thing is the letter S which makes the difference between HTTP and HTTPS.
The S (big surprise) stands for "Secure".
If you visit a web site or web page, and look at the address in the web browser, it will likely begin with the following: http://.
This means that the web site is talking to your browser using the regular 'unsecured' language.
In other words, it is possible for someone to "eavesdrop" on your computer's conversation with the web site.
If you fill out a form on the web site, someone might see the information you send to that site.
This is why you never ever enter your credit card number in an http web site!
that basically means your computer is talking to the web site in a secure code that no one can eavesdrop on.
You understand why this is so important, right?
If a web site ever asks you to enter your credit card information, you should automatically look to see if the web address begins with https://.
If it does not, there is no way you are going to enter sensitive information like a credit card number.
PASS IT ON. You may save someone a lot of grief.
*********************
A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a Urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did He say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!" ***********************
MINIMUM WAGE >> >> >> A man owned a small Ranch in Texas. The Texas Work Force Department claimed >> he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to >> interview him.>> >> >> "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the >> agent.>> >> >> "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 >> years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.>> >> >> The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free >> room and board.>> >> >> Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about >> 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own >> room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He >> also sleeps with my wife occasionally.">> >> >> "That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the agent.>> >> >> "That would be me," replied the Rancher **************************
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bettyg
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posted
Your 4 Boy friends
Once upon a time there was a girl who had four boyfriends.
She loved the fourth boyfriend the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.
She also loved the third boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her second boyfriend. He was her confident and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.
The girl's first boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom.. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him!
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'
Thus, she asked the fourth boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'No way!', replied the fourth boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the third boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the third boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!' Her heart sank and turned cold.
She then asked the second boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the second boyfriend.. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he had suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
In truth, you have four boyfriends in your lives:
Your fourth boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your third boyfriend is your status, wealth and possessions. When you die, it will all go to others.
Your second boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your first boyfriend is your spirit. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, your spirit is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.
Thought for the day:
Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. ****************************************
It takes a second to realize what is happening, but this is truly brilliant.
A video that was submitted in a contest by a 20 year old. The contest was Titled "u @ 50".
This video won second place. When they showed it, everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause.
So simple and yet so brilliant. Take a minute and watch it.
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas .. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.
It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
The conversation went like this:
''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''
''And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?''
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment..........
Father O'Malley then replied:
''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''
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bettyg
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posted
this isn't funny; it's truly remarkable !!!
4 fingered pianist !!!
we can count our blessings! amazing. bettyg, iowa
Oh my goodness...and we think we have problems..What an amazing young woman...
5.) Make sure your hair is dry before going outside..
6.) Eat right.
7.) Get outside in the sun every once in a while.
8.) Always wear a seatbelt.
9.) Control your drinking of alcoholic beverages.
10.) Smile! It will make you feel better.
11.) Don't over indulge yourself.
12.) Bathe regularly.
13.) Read to exercise the brain.
14.) Surround yourself with friends.
15.) Stay away from too much caffeine.
16.) Use the bathroom regularly.
17.) Get plenty of exercise.
18.) Have your eyes checked regularly.
19.) Eat plenty of vegetables.
20.) Believe that people will like you for who you are.
21.) Forgive and forget.
22.) Take plenty of vacations.
23.) Celebrate all special occasions.
24.) Pick up a hobby.
24.) Love your neighbor as yourself.
25.) Send this to your computer buds to give them a warm fuzzy!
Do all these things and you will be a happier, healthier person!
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Old Love
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.. He throws the kite up in the air.
The wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
'You need a piece of tail.'
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.' *********************
Hi, Friends,
With the "physical" garden planting season about here, we should remember our "spiritual" gardening as well.
How To Plant Your Garden
First, you Come to the garden alone, While the dew is still on the roses....
FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING, PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind 2. Peace of heart 3. Peace of soul
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves..By the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this but me." **************************
This is NOT a pushover test, well except that it may be for you.
There are 20 questions. Average score is 12.
It will help if you are over 60, not that YOU are, of course!
This one will be difficult for the younger set. Have fun, but no peeking!
When you forward this to your friends/family, put your score in the subject line & let them know your score.
Don't forget to forward it to me, as well. Good luck youngsters.
1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A. Flintstones vitamins B. The Buttmaster C. Spaghetti D. Wonder Bread E. Orange Juice F. Milk G. Cod Liver Oil
2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A. Sugar Ray Robinson B. Roy Orbison C. Gene Autry D. Rudolph Valentino E. Fabian F. Mickey Mantle G. Cassius Clay
3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and...
A. It's you B. He is us C. It's the Grinch D. He wasn't home E. He's really me an F. We quit G. He surrendered
4. Good night David.
A. Good nigh Chet B. Sleep well C. Good night Irene D. Good night Gracie E. See you later alligator F. Until tomorrow G. Good night Steve
5.. You'll wonder where the yellow went...
A. When you use Tide B. When you lose your crayons C. When you clean your tub D. If you paint the room blue E. If you buy a soft water tank F. When you use Lady Clairol G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...
A. Stuart Whitman B. Randolph Scott C. Steve Reeves D. Maynard G. Krebbs E. Corky B. Dork F. Dave the Whale G. Zippy Zoo
7. Liar, liar...
A. You're a liar B. Your nose is growing C. Pants on fire D. Join the choir E. Jump up higher F. On the wire G. I'm telling Mom
8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...
A. Wheaties B. Lois Lane C. TV ratings D. World peace E. Red tights F. The American way G. News headlines
9. Hey kids! What time is it?
A. It's time for Yogi Bear B. It's time to do your homework C. It's Howdy Doody Time D. It's Time for Romper Room E. It's bedtime F. The Mighty Mouse Hour G. Scoopy Doo Time
10. Lions and tigers and bears...
A. Yikes B. Oh no C. Gee whiz D. I'm scared E. Oh my F. Help! Help! G. Let's run
11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone...
A. Over 40 B. Wearing a uniform C. Carrying a briefcase D. Over 30 E. You don't know F. Who says, 'Trust me' G. Who eats tofu
12.. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings....
A. Troy Aikman B. Kenny Stabler C. Joe Namath D. Roger Stauback E. Joe Montana F. Steve Young G. John Elway
13. Brylcream... A. Smear it on B. You'll smell great C. Tame that cowlick D. Grease ball heaven E. It's a dream F. We're your team G. A little dab'll do ya
14. I found my thrill...
A. In Blueberry muffins B. With my man, Bill C. Down at the mill D. Over the windowsill E. With thyme and dill F. Too late to enjoy G. On Blueberry Hill
15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...
A. Clark Gable B. Mary Martin C. Doris Day D. Errol Flynn E. Sally Fields F. Jim Carey G. Jay Leno
16. Name the Beatles...
A. John, Steve, George, Ringo B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel G. John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. I wonder, wonder, who.
A. Who ate the leftovers? B. Who did the laundry? C. Was it you? D.. Who wrote the book of love? E. Who I am? F. Passed the test? G. Knocked on the door?
18. I'm strong to the finish...
A. Cause I eats my broccoli B. Cause I eats me spinach C. Cause I lift weights D. Cause I'm the hero E. And don't you forget it F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me G. To outlast Bruto
19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...
A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera B. Smile, you're on Star Search C.. Smile, you won the lottery D. Smile, we're watching you E. Smile, the world sees you F. Smile, you're a hit G. Smile, you're on TV
20. What do M & M's do?
A. Make your tummy happy B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket C. Make you fat D. Melt your heart E. Make you popular F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand G. Come in colors
Below are the right answers:
1. D - Wonder Bread 2. G - Cassius Clay 3. B - He Is Us 4. A - Good night, Chet 5. G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent 6. D - Maynard G. Krebbs 7. C - Pants On Fire 8. F - The American Way 9. C - It's Howdy Doody Time 10. E - Oh My 11. D - Over 30 12. C - Joe Namath 13. G - A little dab'll do ya 14. G - On Blueberry Hill 15. B - Mary Martin 16. G - John, Paul, George, Ringo 17. D - Who wrote the book of Love 18. B - Cause I eats me spinach 19. A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera 20. F - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Innocence is Priceless
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American Flags mounted on either side of it.
The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly, "Good Morning Alex."
"Good Morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?"
The pastor said, "Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
"Which service... the 8:30 or the 10:30?" ********************************************
Dear God:
The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her.
Help her live her life to the fullest.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most.
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!) *****************************************
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.' 'In bed this early, doing what?' 'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.' (RIGHT ON, LADY!) *****************************************
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5 AM..' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. *****************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. ************** ***************************
Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can handle it.
--------------------
LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER....
Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.
She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.. Judy again remarried,.... and this time, she & John had 5 more children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"
Margaret replied:.... "I think he means her legs!, Ethel...." lol
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2. Hell-bent to tell the "truth" especially on any given "politically incorrect" subject.
3. Frightening, complete reordering of priorities (These new priorities run close to those of Mother Therese.)
4. Talking like you are Mother Therese.
5. A sleeping pattern resembling the long rest of hibernating bears or the worse condition of inability to sleep even upon administration of meds to kill a pair of rhinos.
6. Sudden realization you made a major mistake in the choosing your husband.
7. A diagnosis from at least 3 (I set a minimal record of 2), often more (up to 15) MDs that reads "psychosomatic disorder".
8. An extreme propensity (albeit usually accurate) to find lyme in others
9. An ability to lose approximately 100 things a day, followed by an inability to find them, although 80% of them are exactly where they're supposed to be.
10. Verbal dyslexia, i.e. saying the word "cow" when the word called for was "pencil" (not a close match).
11. Seeing double (i.e. seeing 2 of your husband(s) even though you don't even want to see one of him).
12. Getting lost in your car though you are only 2 houses away from your home and your Irish Setter is pointing his tail at your house.
13. Forgetting if you just took 1 Zithromax or 12.
14. Losing most or all of approximately 30 pages of paper with pertinent info., i.e. Lyme Support members' phone nos., Burrascano's protocol, directions for how to put out a fire (you recently lost the fire extinguisher itself).
15. Mood swings greater than jungle animals.
16. Times when you should keep your mouth shut because of complete cognitive dysfunction, but you don't.
17. ESP followed by periods of "clueless".
18. Deciding to commit suicide, during a period of severe mental agitation, by smoking yourself to death, then being too lethargic to go out and buy any cigarettes.
19. Inability to spell "the" - it just doesn't look right.
20. Rages in which you throw and break all your phones which makes it impossible to call for help.
21. Confusion caused by having all of 2 things on your "to do" list for the day.
1. 8 chest symptoms that send you to the ER with fear of heart attack though the ER is a dangerous place for Lyme patients (and others).
2. A pain that begins in your ankle, jumps quickly to an unparallel knee, gets stuck in your neck and leaves via your stomach.
3. Tremors that seem to stem from the San Andreas fault (and whose fault is that?).
4. After not being hit by a truck, waking up feeling like you have been
5. Losing weight while consuming illegal amts. of chocolate.
6. Gaining weight after deciding, Ghandi-like, to protest the state of lyme treatment by refusing food.
7. Unusual sounds that are non-existent, i.e. phones ringing, doorbells, dogs coughing, cats peeing and such.
8. Hyperacussis, as in hearing a neighbor's dog fart, hearing an ant crawling on an outside window ledge 3 rooms away, having a strong desire to gag your child because he is talking in a normal tone of voice.
9. Tired although in 2 days you have slept 48 hours.
10. Testicular pain and you are a female.
11. Unexplained menopause at age 12.
12. Heart palpitations that rival Buddy Rich.
13. Irritable bowel - it yells at you inappropriately.
14. Bladder hesitancy, i.e. you are unable to pee for 4 hours after drinking 5 litres of fluid.
15. Unexplained milk production and you are a man.
16. Inability to spell libido, i.e. labbeeto.
17. Sinusitis that fills both nasal passages and leaves mucous pockets in your ears, making you sound like Truman Capote.
18.Neck stiffness that leaves you feeling like you should be onstage with Christopher Reeve on Oprah (God bless you, Chris!).
19. Cramps that make your foot look like your hand.
20. Facial twitches that make the person you're talking to think you are winking at someone behind him.
21. Thumb twitching that arrests traffic when a car stops to take you (the hitchhiker) where you want to go.
22. Arm twitching that causes you to drop your groceries that end up being someone else's groceries.
~~I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
~~I've added more variety into my life, I just added multiple vitamins and minerals
~~I'm the only one in the family that knows how many cracks are in the ceiling
~~I'm a walking storeroom of facts...I've just lost the storeroom
~~Do I have brain fog? I don't remember. But, I'm happy, I think.
MEMORY
My forgetters getting better But my rememberer is broke. To you that may seem funny, but to me that is no joke.
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering If I really should be "there" And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room, Say "what am I here for?" I wrack my brain, but all in vain A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone, Say "Hi" and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "who's that?"
Yes, my forgetters getting better While my rememberer is broke, And it's driving me plumb crazy And that isn't any joke.
YOU KNOW YOU HAVE LYME WHEN:
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
Everything hurts; but you don't know when or where it will hurt.
You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
When on your birthday you a receive a birthday card that reads as follows:
"It's your birthday" - "and I know a little something that I could hook you up with!" "A Life Support Machine."
You get exhausted just waking up.
Your children can do math better than you.
People call at 7 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions [for once you don't have brain fog].
You look forward to your IV infusion of abx [or oral abx].
You turn down the lights because of photosensitivity rather than romance.
You sit in a rocking chair and get motion sickness. But the rocking chair isn't moving.
You have a compass attached to your necklace.
You get motion sickness when you drive. Forget about trying to be the passenger!
You burn the midnight oil until 9 PM or 1 AM or 6 AM depending on your internal clock's daily computations. Everyday is different.
You put the margarine in the toaster oven and try to butter your bread.
You put the margarine in the cupboard, the knife in the refrigerator, and the toast in the sink. Then you walk around in circles trying to find the toast.
You get exercise by going to the bathroom 10 or more times a day.
One shelf of the refrigerator is filled with abx.
You can't remember how to turn the shower off.
You can't figure out how to get the key out of the ignition [you forgot about the little black button you push in].
You can't find your way home and you only took a walk around the block.
When your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
You get winded playing chess.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Dialing long distance wears you out.
The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
When you wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
When it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
There are three signs of Lyme Disease. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
The only part of your body that gets a "workout" are your thumbs - from clicking on that remote all day.
When your idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
You know you have Lyme when you stop to think and forget to start again
When you wake up screaming and stressed - then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
When you're meandering to a different drummer.
When your day was a total waste of makeup.
When someone says to you: You look like heck. Is that the style now?
When you think to yourself: "This ain't no party...this ain't no disco..."
When all the pharmacists and lab workers in town know you on a first name basis.
--------------------
Three ladies with Lyme were discussing the problems of living with the disease. One said,
"Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded,
" Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood." as she rapped her knuckles on the table...then said,"That must be the door, I'll get it!"
Lymies on the Road
A group of lymies were exchanging notes about their symptoms. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this glass of water." "Yes, I know. My blurry vision is so bad I can't see to even pour a drink of water." "I can't turn my head because of this awful neck pain."
"I don't know if I'm coming or going with all this brain fog and dizziness." "I guess that's just a day in the life of a lymie." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
If you have burning sensations with Lyme, should you call the Fire Department?
As a Lymie was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-15. Please be careful."
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Two lyme-stricken women were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years...chatting, and enjoying each others friendship.
One day, one of the women turns to the other and says,...." Please don't be angry with me,, but I am embarrassed, after all these years...What is your name ? I am trying to remember, but I just can't. "
The second lyme-stricken gal, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally, with tearful eyes, says....How soon do you have to know ?"
If an invasion of deer ticks in a rural area caused that locality to have to hire an additional forestry person to deal with the problem, plus an additional public health person to deal with the resultant Lyme Disease outbreak, and as a result of the additional expenditure on personnel the locality was forced to levy new taxes on its populace to cover the cost, would that new charge be considered a tick-tax?
What's this string on my finger for?
Two lymies were out driving in a car. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to seewhat was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!
Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving? -----------------------------------------------------------
Your secrets are safe with me....I can't remember a darn thing
"Genuine Lymie," Been there, done that, can't remember!
I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.
Two lymie couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?" "Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
What's a lymie's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting their legs so they can vacuum. (felt we could identify with this!)
A scientist had a frog. He decided to study the little guy. So he says "Jump frog, Jump" and the frog jumped 8 feet. So he noted in his journal that a frog with 4 legs jumps 8 feet.
Then he cut off one leg and said "Jump Frog, Jump". The frog then jumped 6 feet and he made the req'd notation.
After cutting off the 2nd leg and saying Jump, jump,..the frog only jumped 4 feet..and the scientist so noted.
He then cut of the third leg and told the frog to jump...he jumped 2 feet..and the scientist noted in his book that a frog with only one leg jumps 2 feet.
Finally, he cut off the last leg and said "Jump Frog, Jump" but alas the frog jumped nowhere.
The scientist opened his book and noted "after cutting off all legs, the frog becomes totally deaf". -------------------------------------------------------
"Lymie Blues"
To the tune of "On Top of Old Smokey" (author unknown)
I'm feeling so dizzy My headache's so strong My body is aching Please tell me what's wrong
Got pains in my muscles And I'm numb all around So I went to my doctor And here's what he found
He says it could be Lupus Or maybe MS Do you know what he settles on? I bet you can guess
He says I need counseling That I'm going berserk But I don't believe that I just think he's a jerk!
I see lots of doctors And get sicker with time Until I find out that I really have Lyme!
So twenty-eight days pass Of life on IV And if I'm not well yet Then I must be crazy!
But we are still sick now And it's hard to get well Those spirochetes are clever Or couldn't you tell?
So I chat with my "lymies" And stay on my drugs I just keep on fighting And stay away from those BUGS!
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
3 Ladies from Minnesota
This is a detective story....So Pay Close Attention!!!
Three ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of Into the ball park.
The game is very exciting And they enjoy themselves immensely... Mixing Jack Daniel's with their soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost empty and the game still has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?
Now think! Think some more!!
You're gonna love this....
Answer:
It's the bottom of the fifth, and the Bags are loaded!
****************************
this is a beautiful EAGLE video and wonderful song sung!! **************************************************
This is the most beautiful advice I have ever received in an email ....
An Angel says,
'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'
1. Pray 2. Go to bed on time. 3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others. 6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.) 8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line. 17 Get enough rest 18. Eat right. 19 Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone. 23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people. 25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus .'
27. Laugh. 28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most). 32. Sit on your ego 33 Talk less; listen more. 34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe
36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
'If God is for us, who can be against us?' (Romans8:31)
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.. 'Look Miss,' said the foreman, 'have you any actual experience in picking lemons?' 'Well, as a matter of fact, yes!' she replied.. ' I've been divorced three times.' ----------------------------------------------
I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly,
'So which six items would you like to buy?'
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often? ----------------------------------------------
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old,' the husband said. 'We may not have 45 minutes.' They were seated immediately. ----------------------------------------------
The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed. ---------------------------------------------
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. ----------------------------------------------
Three friends from the local congregation were asked,
'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'
Artie said: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man.'
Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'
Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!' ----------------------------------------------
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.. Looking up, he asks the Lord....
'God, what does a million years mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A minute.'
Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A penny.'
Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?' The Lord replies, 'In a minute.' ----------------------------------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, 'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she goes with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.. What do you think I should do?'
'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?' ----------------------------------------------
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly. 'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said. With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
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kreynolds
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15117
posted
HAHA!! LMAO!
-------------------- Diagnosed CDC + 6/2007
Quest: + IGG Bands 18,23,39,41,58,66 and 93.
Quest: + IGM Bands 23,39
Quest: + Bartonella (B.Henselea & B. Quintana),+ Babesia, and + Mycoplasma and Lyme-Induced Addisons Disease
+ Biofilm blood test 12/2010 Posts: 1185 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey .. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
````` Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa ****************
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
****** Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinny
**********
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
****** Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That was the best I could do under the circumstances.
kreynolds
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15117
posted
Thats a good one bettyg! I'll have to save that!
-------------------- Diagnosed CDC + 6/2007
Quest: + IGG Bands 18,23,39,41,58,66 and 93.
Quest: + IGM Bands 23,39
Quest: + Bartonella (B.Henselea & B. Quintana),+ Babesia, and + Mycoplasma and Lyme-Induced Addisons Disease
+ Biofilm blood test 12/2010 Posts: 1185 | From New York | Registered: Apr 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
these 1st two are serious but good!!
Quilt of Holes
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes.
Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life.
I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares.
Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.
I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth.
The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been.
My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame.
I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter.
But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it.
I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again.
I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life.
I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me.
Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes.
He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life ..it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
When there is nothing left but God that is when you find out that God is all you need.
All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.
Father, bless all my friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.
Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people.
Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.
Hi all, This is the best thing you will see today.
I hope you watch this incredible video.....and you will no doubt have tears in your eyes for the sacrifices that the brave men and women from our armed forces make every single day so that we all can enjoy the life and freedom that we do.
We already knew that General Petraeus was a miracle worker
-- but evidently we didn't know the extent of it.
This is a story of the courage of one amazing soldier from New Jersey. Forward this to a vet or friend that you love.
Currahee - "Stand Alone"
(please wait for the commercial to play, and the video will follow)
A cowboy rode into a Texas town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had the habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink and went back outside, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse ?!?!?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "All right, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Iowa! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Iowa!"
Some of the locals shifted uneasily.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.
He mounted up and started to ride out of town, but the bartender stepped out of the bar and asked, "Say pardner, before you go...what happened in Iowa?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
************* you've got to watch this if you were a western tv freak like i was & still AM today!! nice tribute to all who lives then. shows their names ... birth/death years
Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Tamarack decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.
As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Ole couldn't understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language, so after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Ole has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business. Uff-dah! **********************************
Subject: Chili Cook-Off
The Great San Antonio Chili Cook-off
If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you.
I was crying by the end.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly.
If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is.
They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around.
It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank : "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in.
I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event: *****************************************************
CHILI # 1 -
MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one.
These Texans are crazy. *****************************************************
CHILI # 2 -
AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach o f children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain.
I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.
They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. *****************************************************
CHILI # 3 -
FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 - - A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting buzzed from all of the beer. ***************************************************** & gt; CHILI # 4 -
BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it.
Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer-maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating!
Is chili an aphrodisiac? *****************************************************
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes.
I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage.
Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.
I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really makes me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks. *****************************************************
CHILI # 6 -
VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now; a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames.
I crapped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair.
No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally.
Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone. *****************************************************
CHILI # 7 -
SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.
**I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing.
I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out my mouth.
My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful.
Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. *****************************************************
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili Neither mild nor hot.
Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report
**************************
a 10 minute tribute to BOB HOPE & HIS USO TOUR ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMS!! must view )
WATCH THIS 4 YR. OLD BOY DANCE W/PARENTS!! i hope the below might get you there!! fantastic
ucwdc2007b.wmv (5610KB)
********************************
marlene, thanks so much for sending this to me. NO, i had never seen this before, and it was so touching!! what an intl. cat & 86,000 links about him!! wow.
again, thanks for thinking about me & sending this. bettyg, iowa lyme activist
Hi Betty
I read the book and look forward to the movie.
Thought you, as an Iowan would enjoy if you haven't already seen.
The Daffodil Principle! Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call.
Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren.
"Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!"
My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother."
"Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her.
"But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this."
"Carolyn," I said sternly, "Please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience."
After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, "Daffodil Garden." We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path.
Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight.
It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes.
The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow.
Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers.
"Who did this?" I asked Carolyn. "Just one woman," Carolyn answered.
"She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house.
On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline.
The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read.
The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain."
The third answer was, "Began in 1958."
For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop.
Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.
One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.
The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.
When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things.
We can change the world ...
"It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn.
"What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years?
Just think what I might have been able to achieve!"
My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said.
She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?"
Use the Daffodil Principle.
Stop waiting.....
Until your car or home is paid off Until you get a new car or home Until your kids leave the house Until you go back to school Until you finish school Until you clean the house Until you organize the garage Until you clean off your desk Until you lose 10 lbs. Until you gain 10 lbs. Until you get married Until you get a divorce Until you have kids Until the kids go to school Until you retire Until summer Until spring Until winter Until fall Until you die...
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.
Wishing you a beautiful, daffodil day!
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
~anonymous
photos of this place were out of this world!! betty
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
' Yes ,' whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, ' No .'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice..
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, ' The search team just landed a helicopter '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... ' ME . '
Son's blog born at 24 weeks. Posts: 356 | From massachusetts | Registered: Jan 2009
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bettyg
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posted
bserious; REMARKABLE; must read and then view ... talk about INSPIRATION!!
did they let their handicaps take away something that SHE loved to do ... dance? no; choreography unbelievable !!! enjoy xox
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bettyg
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posted
A cowboy rode into a Texas town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had the habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink and went back outside, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse ?!?!?!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "All right, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Iowa! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Iowa!"
Some of the locals shifted uneasily.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.
He mounted up and started to ride out of town, but the bartender stepped out of the bar and asked, "Say pardner, before you go...what happened in Iowa?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home." ************************
Those old Westerns Hero's **********************************
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports ..
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate.
'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES....
******************* DAILY SURVIVAL KIT
I am giving you a DAILY SURVIVAL KIT, to help you through 2009:
Toothpick- to remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone, including yourself.
Rubber band- to remind you to be flexible. Things might not always go the way you want, but they can be worked out.
Band-Aid- to remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or someone else's.
Eraser - to remind you everyone makes mistakes, but that's okay because we learn by our errors..
Candy Kiss- to remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment every day.
Mint- to remind you that you are worth a mint to your family.
Bubble Gum- to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything.
Pencil - to remind you to list your blessings every day.
Tea Bag- to remind you to take time to relax daily and go over that list of God's blessings.
This is what makes life worth living every minute, every day, so I'm wishing you days of love, gratitude, friends to cherish, caring, sharing, laughter, music, warm feelings in your heart, and soaring with the eagles. ************************
The Price of Children
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.
(or music/dance lessons etc).
But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year, * $741.38 a month, * $171.08 a week. * A mere $24.24 a day! * Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is: don't have children if you want to be 'rich.' Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights . First, middle, and last! * Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night. * More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs. * Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate. * A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites. * Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the
boss said or how your stocks performed that day. For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint, * carve pumpkins, * play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs, * never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, * watch Saturday morning cartoons, * go to Disney movies, and * wish on stars.
You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, * taking the training wheels off a bike, * removing a splinter, * filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and *coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* First step, * First word, * First bra, * First date, * First time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you - love without counting the cost.
That is quite a deal for the price!!
Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren & great-grandchildren!! It's the best investment you'll ever make!! ************
oh how i wish this had a direct link where you can see this yourselves!!
type in biblical temple if it doesn't work, try something else; these photos of his MINUTE work are just to great to NOT see!! a real labor of love. betty
A retired farmer has spent more than 30 years building an enormous scale model of a Biblical temple..
Alec Gerrard has spent 30 years constructing the ancient Herod's Temple
In Pictures: Model of Herod's Temple
All Pictures by: Geoff Robinson Photography
Now, here's a model of biblical proportions. A retired farmer has spent more than 30 years building an enormous scale model of Herod's temple - and it is still not finished.
Alec Garrard, 78, has dedicated a massive 33,000 hours to constructing the ancient temple, which measures a whopping 20ft by 12ft
The pensioner has hand-baked and painted every clay brick and tile and even sculpted 4,000 tiny human figures to populate the courtyards **********************
But Mr Garrard, who started the epic project in his 40s, says his masterpiece will not be finished in his lifetime
"I have an interest in buildings and religion so I thought maybe I could combine the two and I came up with the idea of doing the temple"
"I'd seen one or two examples of it in Biblical exhibitions, but I thought they were rubbish and I knew I could do better"
"I have also sculpted and painted 4,000 figures, measuring just half an inch and all wearing their correct costumes" *****************************************************
"Each one takes about three hours to make and there are 32 versions of Jesus, although no one can ever spot him no matter how religious they are"
Visitors come from all over the world to see the model and Mr Garrard provides binoculars so they can see all the details
"I personally know all the top archaeologists from Jerusalem and I've had experts from the British Museum visit," he says
But he chases the money-changers out of the temple: "I've had a lot of offers from people to buy it, but it's not for sale"
He says his wife Kathleen thinks he is mad He adds: "She wishes she'd married a normal person"
Norfolk , spent more than three years researching the temple, which was destroyed by the Romans 2,000 years ago and deemed to be one of the most remarkable buildings of ancient times
He then started to construct the amazing 1:100 scale model, which is now housed in a huge building in his back garden
"Everything is made by hand. I cut plywood frames for the walls and buildings and all the clay bricks and tiles were baked in the oven then stuck together," he says
Built in 19BC by King Herod the Great, the temple was flattened in AD70, just six years after completion
In its heyday the temple complex covered 36 acres - four times the area of Windsor Castle
The Temple was probably located on the site of what today is the Dome of the Rock
posted
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love ofGod!'
'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! ; There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lordfor such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
********************
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'.
* * *
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, 'My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them.'
* * *
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
* * *
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.
One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
* * *
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently.
After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.'
* * *
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq .' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
* * *
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, 'That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?'
Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
* * *
His wife's grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's here.
May happiness smile on your world and in your heart..
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
American Medical Association researchers have found that
Patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better!!!
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the after life with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
"Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said,
"Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word.
I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?
" I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."
*****************************************
Vacationing Near Transylvania
Bob Hill and his new wife Betty Were vacationing in Europe, As it happens, near Transylvania.
They were driving in a rental car Along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.
Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes His head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat And sees his wife unconscious. With her head bleeding!
Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and Begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light.
He heads towards the light, Which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, And this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, And my wife has been seriously hurt.
Can I please use your phone?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.
An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you.
I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, And I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty And carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab.
Bob collapses from exhaustion And his own injuries, So Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.
Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, Which houses his grand piano.
For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, Almost haunting melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices The fingers on Betty's hand twitch, Keeping time to the haunting piano music.
Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, Marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!
Unable to contain himself, He dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!
The Hills are alive with the sound of music!" *****************************************************
(I am so sorry...... But you really should've seen that coming!!!)
posted
New Alphabet A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now The Alphabet:
A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H . high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I . for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W for worry, NOW what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping 26 doctors fully employed !!!
Matt. 18:4-5 "Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And who ever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. "
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed Him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back To the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!" Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."
Smile, it gives your face something to do!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Acts 2:38
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember: Knowing scripture can save your life - in more ways than one!
**********************
Whooooo Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee You gotta watch this...lol...............watch it all now... GERIATRIC DIRTY DANCING....
Terrifying view from glass box balcony jutting out!
Check out Don't look down: Terrifying view from glass box balcony jutting out
**********************************
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
6. Negligent, adj.. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddish.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
these people perform every year at our IOWA STATE FAIR drawing the largest crowds each time! play it again, so synchronized and these are the OLD-FASHIONED WHEELS TO DRIVE WITH !! lol
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2.. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received.. Forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember... when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over!
Good friends are like stars......... You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
"Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway"
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keeps You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But Only God keeps You Going
************************************ The Half-Wit ...
A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas Dept of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to......the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer. ********************************************
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posted
the best part of being a lyme brain? my hubby and i sit in bed everynight and he reads these to me and i laugh like its the first time!! Thanks all you guys!
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
toby and husband,
so glad you are enjoying my efforts of sharing JOY & LAUGHTER when we need it most
posted
Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
posted
101 Ways To Annoy People 1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
204. Be silent, then ask people what they think of what you just said.
5. Repeat numbers.
204. Pay for an expensive item with pennies, and have to count them again.
899. Answer others as they chat on their cell phones next to you. Works best if you are in the bathroom stall next to theirs.
423. Audibly repeat people's last three spoken words.
197. When people ask you for your phone number, ask them if they'll give it back.
688. Climb any hills backwards and tell people you like to see where you've been.
77. .sdrawkcab epyT
303. Lie down in places with daily hours and announce that you're going to levitate in X hours from now (well after closing time).
88a. Dance along at the ballet.
202. When boarding the train, always announce you're going to a further extension than that line allows for, and then express surprise when the operator tells you they don't go there.
512. Bark like a dog when walking down the street.
400. When writing, put an asterisk after innocuous words, like "the"*.
26. When explaining Lyme disease to someone, explain it's kinda like being infected with lemons, but a little more twisted.
* As opposed to "thu".
Posts: 13117 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas Dept of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to......the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.
*************************
MAD WIFE DISEASE
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him on the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called."
*****************************************
I kid you not.....
New Wine for Seniors
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
posted
couple of serious ones, but enjoyable! betty
RECALL NOTICE:
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction 2. Foul vocal emissions 3. Amnesia of origin 4. Lack of peace and joy 5. Selfish or violent behavior 6. Depression or confusion in the mental component 7. Fearfulness 8. Idolatry 9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love 2. Joy 3. Peace 4. Patience 5. Kindness&nb sp; 6. Goodness 7. Faithfulness 8. Gentleness 9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING:
Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER:
The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'.
********************************
let him visit you this afternoon.
i had an unexpected visitor this morning. he arrived early, sat down with me and chatted
for a while about how things were currently going for me in my life.
after very carefully and compassionately listening to all that i had to say, he saw the stress on my face and the tears in my eyes. he stood up, walked over to me, leaned over and gentley held me for awhile because i was having a really bad morning.
then, after reassuring me not to worry, that everything would work out for me and be just fine, he asked me if i knew of anyone else that could use a visit from him.
i immediately thought of you my friend. i gave him your name and told him where you lived. he gave me another reassuring hug, thanked me and i walked with him to my front door. he told me that he was on his way to your place.
RECALL NOTICE: The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include: 1. Loss of direction 2. Foul vocal emissions 3. Amnesia of origin 4. Lack of peace and joy 5. Selfish or violent behavior 6. Depression or confusion in the mental component 7. Fearfulness 8. Idolatry 9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with: 1. Love 2. Joy 3. Peace 4. Patience 5. Kindness&nb sp; 6. Goodness 7. Faithfulness 8. Gentleness 9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'.
********************************
let him visit you this afternoon.
i had an unexpected visitor this morning. he arrived early, sat down with me and chatted
for a while about how things were currently going for me in my life.
after very carefully and compassionately listening to all that i had to say, he saw the stress on my face and the tears in my eyes. he stood up, walked over to me, leaned over and gentley held me for awhile because i was having a really bad morning.
then, after reassuring me not to worry, that everything would work out for me and be just fine, he asked me if i knew of anyone else that could use a visit from him.
i immediately thought of you my friend. i gave him your name and told him where you lived. he gave me another reassuring hug, thanked me and i walked with him to my front door. he told me that he was on his way to your place.
When He gets to your PC, escort Him to the next stop. Please don't allow Him to sleep on your PC.
the message He is carrying is very important and needs to go around. I asked him to bless you and yours with peace, happiness and abundance.
Say a prayer, and then pass Him on to bless others as I sent him on to bless you.
Our assignment is to spread love, respect and kindness throughout the world.
Have a blessed day and touch somebody's life today as hopefully I have touched your life. He's walking around the world via e-mail!! Please pass it on so He can get there....
When you forward this on please put where He left from in the subject box as I did.
IP: Logged |
bettyg
Unregistered
posted
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.
As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself; I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.
I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old..
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten.
And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?
But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.
A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face..
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become.
I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.
And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER! FRIENDS FOREVER!
************************
May the Lord Bless and Keep You!!!
Subject: : COURT ORDER
You are accused of crawling into my HEART and hijacking my SMILES with your sweetness.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD? GUILTY !!!!
YOU are sentenced TO BE MY FRIEND FOR LIFE !!!
NO BAIL......
***************************
Poorly selected company web sites!!
All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear! These are not made up. Check them out yourself!
1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
Something good will happen to you today; something that you have been waiting to hear.
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters, Who never did, Who won't anymore... And who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
IP: Logged |
A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer, and at the appropriate time in the process, told him he would now need to enter a password.
Something he would use to log-on. Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:
P...
E...
N...
I...
S.....
His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied
***PASSWORD INVALID...NOT LONG ENOUGH*** ********************************************
NOW A SERIOUS ONE .....
Drink, Steal, Swear and Lie
I met this guy while I was in Brisbane and he has a motto he lives by everyday.
He said listen carefully and live by these 4 rules : Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie.
I was shaking my head 'no', but he then told me to listen while he explained his four rules. So here they are :
1.. "Drink" from the "everlasting cup" every day.
2.. "Steal" a moment to help someone that is in worse shape than you are.
3.. "Swear" that you will be a better person today than yesterday.
4.. And last, but not least, when you "lie" down at night thank God you're alive and have faith.
I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good as I could be but THANK GOD I am better than I used to be!
posted
Here's to US!!!! No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,
WE ARE AWESOME !!!!
OUR LIFE IS LIVING PROOF !!!!
To Those of Us Born 1930 - 1979
At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno.. If you don't read anything else, please read what he said. Very well stated, Mr. Leno.
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered
with bright colored lead-base paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight.. WHY?
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on..
No one was able to reach us all day. We were OKAY.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem
We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping pong paddles, or just a bare hand and no one would call child services to report abuse.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all..
If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ? ~ The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
IP: Logged |
bettyg
Unregistered
posted
This is a real "Oh No" moment
His request approved, the TV News photographer quickly Used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at The airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up Outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed The Door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.'
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and Took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the Pilot, `Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can Take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for TV Cable News,' he Responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is . . .. You're NOT My Flight Instructor? *************************************
Army-Navy Half Time Show
AMAZING * Lasts 7-8 minutes.
i turn off music; and just watch in disbelief! bettyg, iowa lyme activist
Halftime show at this years Army-Navy basketball Game - Only the young could do this.
click below Or cut and paste in your browser. JumpRopeDance
posted
As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.
As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I'd never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest . I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, ``Glory be, I have never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.''``
**********************
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
Halftime show at this years Army-Navy basketball Game - Only the young could do this.
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